To ask why so many children are feral these days?

[ChocBanana]

I have two DC, one (13) with ASD and hypersensitivity, so she wears ear defenders and ear plugs in noisy environments.
However, today, we have had to leave a museum because of the behaviour of other kids.
I know it’s the last week of the holidays but we tend to prefer quieter places, or quieter times of day. We tend to go to museums and parks, woodlands or if we are going somewhere busier generally we go in the afternoon.

We went to a museum today near us, not a particularly big one. After about ten minutes, a mum came in with three kids and basically said “Off you go” and let them run riot. They were climbing on the exhibits, trying to pull things off the wall, picking up the listening device things and swinging them against the wall and one of them scribbled all over an information panel.
A member of staff asked them to be careful. The mum titled and says “Come on kids, we’re obviously not welcome.” Then on the way out one of them kicked a wall, leaving a scuff mark. As they left, another family came in, the was a display thing where you can pretend to dig for fossils, the two kids were throwing the sand at each other, then a third family came in, one of them, a teenager sat next to where my teenager was trying to regulate herself. She stood up and he instantly out his feet up on her bag then kicked it to the floor and put his feet up on the sofa.
The mum was chatting away to her partner, the youngest child was hiding under a shelf, then started pulling out all the display drawers at once and slamming them shut.

We had to leave at this point, my daughter was in tears.

Now, I said, I get that it’s the last week of the summer holidays. I get that many people are desperate for free things to do, and I know many children have various reasons for acting in various ways. I’m not asking for special treatment or being naive, but SERIOUSLY, AIBU to expect a certain level of behaviour in a museum?
If I am BU, any suggestions on where the hell I am supposed to take a 13 year old who struggles with people at the best of times?

I used to work in a children's farm, and some kids were so feral and naughty and their "parents" seemed scared of their own children; scared to tell them no or scared to discipline them.

I used to hate that they'd be around the animals and secretly used to hope the goats would knock them over (the goats had form).

I got so fed up of feral little Hugos and Matildas stamping their feet and stropping in the gift shop with their parents saying "that lady (me!) is looking at you" or "that lady will tell you off" as if they were trying to pass the authority and discipline over to me.

Love this thread, would love to know why my own child is so feral 🤣

I've had to leave a shop today because of kids screaming at their parents (my kids have spd so I was avoiding sensory overload).
I was honestly shocked that the parents just accepted the vile words their children were calling them without batting an eyelid 😳

Completely agree, I was in a museum today and the dreadful behaviour that feral kids were displaying - ignored or indulged by clueless feral parents included:

1. kids jumping from table to table IN THE RESTAURANT. I do mean from on top of the table to the next table top. What the fuck?

2. three year old sat on a table ON HIS OWN to eat his chips while his father disappeared for ages , watching Peppa Pig at top volume. Screamed when it ended.

3. toddler screaming fits - about five of them - in her high chair. Parent sat there on her phone, completely ignoring the child who was deafening everyone. Each screaming fit about 5-6 minutes long at top volume. Appeared to be because child wanted a toy to play with as she was bored. Don't mind a baby crying for good reason but in these circumstances as a parent you need to pay attention to baby's needs, not continue playing on your phone.

4. screaming. Just screaming for no reason. Happy screaming. Since when did screaming become a thing? I was told off when I screamed. My kids did not scream. Since when do parents think it's acceptable for their kids to do a scream that could shatter windows every 30 seconds?

5. many others!

I was wearing noose reducing headphones the whole time as I expected a level of noise but in the end I had to leave purely down to the sheer volume of all the shrieking, shouting, screaming and shouting. It's fucking appalling what parents let their kids do these days. Lazy feral entitled parents (of all social "classes") bringing up the next generation of the same.

I was once in a shop with ds when a kid was being challenging in the toy area because his mum wouldn't buy him a toy.

She said "that lady is looking at you because of how your behaving".

I replied "no. I'm looking at you and waiting for you to parent your kid"

I was tired because ND ds slept for 5 hours a night in short shifts at that point and just thought if I have to parent a dosa led child alone on little sleep there's Rick all chance I'm parenting yours too!

Totally agree. I was waiting for a prescription when a woman and a kid around 3 or so came in. He proceeded to run round the shop pulling stuff off shelves and then ended up breaking one of the hangy things off a stand whilst his mum just..stood there. She made a half hearted attempt at telling him to stop but didn't actually make him. She then presented the till staff with the broken bit of stand and said sorry, they told her not to worry about it. I get some kids are live wires but if my DD did something like that I'd have taken her out of the shop and not returned until she could behave properly in shops.

Because some parents can’t say no, some can’t be bothered, others just want to be their child’s best friend, some have poor MH, many don’t want confrontation… the list goes on, but I agree @ChocBanana its getting worse.

What really amazes me is when said child is on the cusp of being kicked out of school and the parents genuinely cannot see where they have gone wrong.

On another note, the number of young teens who speak to their parents in the most vile manner (swearing, goading, name calling etc) is shocking. My DC sees it amongst their peers and we have frank discussions about the consequences if they spoke to me (and anyone else!) like that. The lack of boundaries, respect and consequences set down by parents is very, very worrying.

They're feral because the parents don't give a shit about other people basically. We went to National Trust place recently where they had some summer activities for kids, outdoor games and things to do, all very nice, kids had fun. Went back again a couple of weeks later and the place had been trashed. Broken stuff everywhere, no complete sets of anything...most of it rendered pretty much unusable. Why? Because the parents aren't watching their kids and teaching them to respect things. If my whirlwind of a 5 year old could manage to play with it all without damaging anything then I don't see why any other child can't. It's down to the parenting.

A lot of parents just don't have the understanding of how to create and hold boundaries so parent in a permissive way. People don't want to shout and are trying to break generational trauma but think that means absolutely zero boundaries, or saying what your kid wants to hear all the time, and so the kids are out of control.

I also think a lot of children are labelled as ND when they are not, and they are then given a free pass for behaviour. I'm related to a lot of these and I know without a shadow of a doubt that the parenting is shit. Obviously some kids ARE ND.

The results of 40 years of bleeding heart hand wringing liberals. Take the powers away from parents, teachers, the police and the courts and this is what you get.
The feral behaviour has escalated over the years to the point that there are 10 year old kids carrying knives. Add smartphones and social into the mix and there you have it: the perfect storm

Absolutely this. You can see an entitled child with entitled parents a mile away. Big personality/spirited/lively.

The results of 40 years of bleeding heart hand wringing liberals.

We haven't had bleeding heart hand wringing liberals in power for a long time. How has power been taken away from police, parents, or schools?
Police are underfunded.

Parenting
let kids express themselves

I dont think it’s any different to how it has always been. There have always been badly behaved children havent there? They’re just as much of a PITA these days as they have always been.

for those that mention the screaming is worse these days (on page one - I haven’t read further), I notice your children both have ASD. Perhaps you’re actually more tuned into sounds now as you are aware of the effect it has on your child, whereas in the past you may have been able to screen it out?

Basically there have always been shit parents and disruptive children and there have always been great parents and well behaved children.

I find this hard to read.
I'm sure I'm a good mum, people always tell me my kids are well behaved eg babysitters.
But my 6 year old DS cannot sit still. He's always fidgeting, running about, singing. If we go to museums, he tries to touch stuff etc. I spend my days going "don't touch that, play quietly, keep your voice down, sit still, look at me when I'm talking, wait, stop.
I feel like I'm constantly giving him orders the poor child doesn't know if he's coming or going.
But if I don't do this, then he acts "feral" and then I get looks like I'm a bad parent. But I'm not. He's just a kid who is wired. I don't think he's ADHD or rather I'm open to believing he's just an energetic little boy. But I want him to go to museums and art galleries. Why should be consigned to only going to parks because he's a bit noisy.

Yes I've noticed this too. It's so antisocial.

YANBU. All the disruptive unruly kids in DC's classes at primary school have shouty rude parents who couldn't give a shit. It drives me crazy. DH thinks I'm too strict with ours but I have a real thing about good manners and consideration for others. It can be hard to uphold those values when the DC are surrounded by kids and parents who have no consideration for others.

These kids know they are untouchable. They can round them up and take them home to their parents then rinse and repeat. Useless youth referral orders or whatever they are now called.

Basically a free pass to do whatever they want. Take your rose tinted specs off

Just poor parenting really be that not realising their kids are feral or just not caring.

A family never of mine was recently tagged in some meant to be cute t-shirt thing about being a feral mum to feral kids. She loved it. I mean her boys are feral but I mean jeez I’d be embarrassed not embracing it.

My DS has autism and learning disabilities and ADHD. He's very loud, and erratic. He can't help it!

These kids know they are untouchable. They can round them up and take them home to their parents then rinse and repeat. Useless youth referral orders or whatever they are now called.
Basically a free pass to do whatever they want. Take your rose tinted specs off

I think it's a bit dramatic to suggest that primary school age children "know they're untouchable". They're kids. You sound like you support the idea of corporal punishment.

My 6yo is the same, solidarity! These threads make me feel shit. I definitely do not look on indulgently, he is told behaviour isn't acceptable, given warnings, removed if it continues- and yet, he does it continually! It is true I don't believe in shouting or smacking, but I'm not really sure what more i can do

Agree that this is a parent problem.

It's not a coincidence that the vast majority of kids acting up in public have either 'ignore it' parents or 'Come on daaarling' weak ass parents.

I work in a small independent toy shop and we get so many parents every day basically using it as a playground and then leaving it in an absolute state for me to clean up

My own children have autism and adhd and I still won’t tolerate that kind of behaviour from them, for the poster who tried to use that as an excuse!