To have been horrified by shop assistants complete lack of empathy

[WDY23]

Hello,

I have just come back from the local (ish) shop and the lady in front of me was taking her time at the till adjacent. Didn't think much of it initially, until I hear "no, that's not enough, you need to put x amount back". Very sharp and very cold. The woman, who I would say was in her 50's, had hearing aids and possible learning difficulties and was really struggling to understand what she needed to do. The 'assistant' was just staring at her through narrowed, icy eyes and folded arms.

The woman kept asking exactly how much did she have to put back, but the assistant clearly didn't think it was her job to offer any help whatsoever - just said "keep going", as this woman nervously scrambled through her shopping bags, putting them back on the counter. She clearly wasn't trying to get away with stealing or anything, she just needed a bit of help. I heard her say it was so expensive now, to which, you guessed it, the assistant responded with another cold, judgemental glare. She clearly didn't deem her worthy of a response. She then started apologising for the trouble, very nervously and I honestly could have cried for her.

The items she put back were essentials - bread, milk etc and I was appalled at the complete lack of humanity shown by this woman. I asked her if everything was OK and was even tempted to offer to help her pay for those essentials, but was also worried I might offend. She didn't really understand and just said another very sad "sorry" to me and to the assistant and she just rolled her eyes and shouted "next!".

My blood boiled. I was so cross, but I didn't know what to do. I was very close to confronting her, but my dd was with me and wasn't feeling well, so I didn't want to make her feel worse. Tempted to call and suggest that they offer this woman some extra customer service training, which would hopefully include some training in kindness and compassion. Maybe you can't teach this.

Anyway, I needed to share.

I sincerely hope I'm not alone in thinking how depressingly cold hearted this was....

Exactly this. So many on MN (this is not the first thread to address this type of behaviour) don't seem to understand this - and I bet those same people would be first in the line to complain about bad customer service.

There are ways of dealing with customers that don't involve rudeness.

there are a lot of issues at play here.

there are scammers everywhere pulling all sorts. People don’t trust eachother, and rightly so IMO. I was once in the supermarket and a “sweet old couple” behind me in the queue muttered quietly “oh no we’re not going to make it” whilst looking worriedly at their watches. I offered for them to go in front of me. They accepted. After they left, the assistant said to me, just so you know they do that every time they come in to jump the queue as people always fall for it. I mean it’s not a financial scam, just people being selfish shits - which millions of us here in the UK are.

In your position, I would have wanted to pay for the woman’s bread/milk but I wouldn’t have done in case she was scamming or deliberately sent in by a family member as they knew someone would take pity on her and pay.

you were best off out of it. A minority of assistance are nasty, most are nice. You can’t really know what the assistant had previously dealt with re this issue or related issues, or whether she was just a nasty bitch. As I say, best off keeping out of it.

once upon a time, I felt sorry for people who were begging for money and as a teen, I’d give them 50p even though I had fuck all myself. These days, I’d suspect the beggar was fake and walk on by.

we live in a sad society.

This.

All the ‘icy eyes and folded arms’ and ‘cold judgemental glares’. Do me a favour.

If you'd actually genuinely felt for this lady, you would have stepped in to help, not by paying, but by standing with her.

Posting on MN after the event in very specific detail after the event has a cloying air of titivation.

People who stand by and do nothing whilst they purportedly perceive that others are being poorly treated are, frankly, feeble.

No, I didn't miss it. I can't claim 40 years but a good 25 years myself, and I disagree with you.

The OP says the woman clearly had learning difficulties so must have been genuine. That doesn't necessarily follow - someone with learning difficulties is as likely to be dishonest or manipulative or otherwise badly behaved as anyone else.

Well, with your attitude I'm surprised you have lasted so long. I have never in my life been rude to a customer, whatever has been happening in my life.

I would have found this upsetting too, seems to be a sign of a miserable society in general.

Doesn’t matter if it’s every customer. The clue is in the word ‘serving’. This assistant shouldn’t be customer facing if she can’t do her job properly and be useful rather than just nasty. Report her.

This! I actually wouldn't worry about offending, I would've just paid. I also would have called out the shop assistant (yes, I am that person!).

I had lots of retail jobs while at uni (weekends for £3 an hour!) and I'm frankly astounded at how many retail staff these days appear to have no customer service skills.

As a general note, I think a lot of this behaviour is a hangover from the pandemic. Keeping people apart/indoors for all that time has definitely made people more anti-social.

That is so lovely of him - and a lovely thing for you to have done. I hope your life is full of good things.

I think that acknowledging that everybody, whether staff or customer, is human and flawed is a key part to longevity in customer services. You might be an exception, but generally people with unrealistic expectations find they can't handle it for very long at all.

I am not going to read the whole thread i am sure wise words & advice has already been given.
Complain to hq /a manager, anonymously if necessary there might be a backstory ...they are timed on tills and put under a lot of pressure for min wage. No excuse though.

I always used to ask taxi drivers the time as soon as I got into the cab, and make a point of looking at the digital time display a lot of them used to have as if I was in a rush, doesn`t work so well with everyone having smartphones, but it creates a tension at the start that you are not going to be happy if they take you on the long roundabout route through all the traffic lights that people obviously visiting somewhere often get.

"astounded at how many retail staff these days appear to have no customer service skills."

Yes, and no interest in serving people or dealing with queries, or not even the faintest idea about items they stock, I asked some workers recently (who were obviously stocking up the drinks aisle in a supermarket) if they had a certain beer in stock, they looked at me as if I`d said a UFO had landed in the car park, and soon another worker joined them looking panicked as if there was a major incident going on or something, I just walked away from them in the end.

YABU and judgmental

shop staff are there to serve staff they’re not some sort of social services

you don’t know that this woman wasn’t a regular and doesn’t do the same every day.

if she was putting back “the essentials” but still had full shopping bags they can’t have been that essential

plus if you were that bothered you could have paid.

To serve customers I mean

Sadly shutting the stable door after the horses bolted isn’t going to help the lady; personally I’d have stepped in & told the cashier to mind her manners & told the lady to have a lovely day & not to worry everything was ok & let go on her way; I’d be have then just added the extra to my items; but whilst serving me I’d tell the cashier to learn some manners because one day she might be walking in the ladies shoes; a relative, her own child, a niece, nephew a grand child might be born with the same difficulties & she will be praying no one treats the in such a nasty; cruel disparaging manner!!

I think it can be hard to know what to do in the moment amd ot sounds like you had empathy for the woman concerned. I have always tried to help but definitely have not hit it right every time. I think it is hard to hear how much empathy you had compared to how little you did. It’s too late now and I wouldn’t bother calling the store. Maybe you could resolve to get involved in some way even if only drawing to the attention of the store manager, if it were to happen again?