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Original poster

To have been horrified by shop assistants complete lack of empathy

219 replies

WDY23 · 30/08/2023 14:33

Hello,

I have just come back from the local (ish) shop and the lady in front of me was taking her time at the till adjacent. Didn't think much of it initially, until I hear "no, that's not enough, you need to put x amount back". Very sharp and very cold. The woman, who I would say was in her 50's, had hearing aids and possible learning difficulties and was really struggling to understand what she needed to do. The 'assistant' was just staring at her through narrowed, icy eyes and folded arms.

The woman kept asking exactly how much did she have to put back, but the assistant clearly didn't think it was her job to offer any help whatsoever - just said "keep going", as this woman nervously scrambled through her shopping bags, putting them back on the counter. She clearly wasn't trying to get away with stealing or anything, she just needed a bit of help. I heard her say it was so expensive now, to which, you guessed it, the assistant responded with another cold, judgemental glare. She clearly didn't deem her worthy of a response. She then started apologising for the trouble, very nervously and I honestly could have cried for her.

The items she put back were essentials - bread, milk etc and I was appalled at the complete lack of humanity shown by this woman. I asked her if everything was OK and was even tempted to offer to help her pay for those essentials, but was also worried I might offend. She didn't really understand and just said another very sad "sorry" to me and to the assistant and she just rolled her eyes and shouted "next!".

My blood boiled. I was so cross, but I didn't know what to do. I was very close to confronting her, but my dd was with me and wasn't feeling well, so I didn't want to make her feel worse. Tempted to call and suggest that they offer this woman some extra customer service training, which would hopefully include some training in kindness and compassion. Maybe you can't teach this.

Anyway, I needed to share.

I sincerely hope I'm not alone in thinking how depressingly cold hearted this was....

OP posts:
CallumDansTransitVan · 30/08/2023 14:36

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Jellycats4life · 30/08/2023 14:40

Seems a bit weird to be so angry at the shop assistant but you didn’t offer to pay for fear you might offend.

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 30/08/2023 14:40

Retail is a hard job though you don't know if this is a regular occurrence with this customer

Also, the part about 'essentials'.... if the customer couldn't pay what are you suggesting here??

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 30/08/2023 14:40

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RampantIvy · 30/08/2023 14:41

I would have just paid for her shopping.

Needmorelego · 30/08/2023 14:41

You don't know the full story. The woman might do that every single day and it's an act (and the shop assistant knows this) to try and get freebies.
Or the shop assistant is a total cow and the woman is genuine.
To be honest...... keep out of it.

Hufflepods · 30/08/2023 14:41

Idk some of your post has a lot of assumptions 'icy stare' 'cold hearted' ?? Those aren't objective statements. The point about her only putting back essentials was odd too, ultimately if she didn't have the money to pay for it what did you expect the min wage shop assistant to do? Tell her just to take them? Cover it from her wages?

MrsDeaconClaybourne · 30/08/2023 14:41

Not quite the same but I was once next 6o someone struggling with the self service checkout. She was asking the assistant things and eventually assistant just shrugged at her and walked off. I asked if she wanted a hand and she told me she'd had a stroke recently and found stuff took just a bit longer to get to grips with. To be fair, I have seen other assistants really patiently helping with self service so is obviously an individual thing

AutumnCrow · 30/08/2023 14:43

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OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 30/08/2023 14:44

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FOJN · 30/08/2023 14:44

I'd have run the risk of offending and paid for the items. If it was a misunderstanding and the customer had the money she could have given it back to you afterwards.

Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 30/08/2023 14:44

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 30/08/2023 14:40

Retail is a hard job though you don't know if this is a regular occurrence with this customer

Also, the part about 'essentials'.... if the customer couldn't pay what are you suggesting here??

Exactly, you heard one short snippet and don't know if this is a regular that causes problems every time they go in the shop.

Also agree about the 'essentials' part, was the shop assistant meant to give them to the customer for free? If so they'd go out of business pretty quickly. Plus why would it be ok for the shop to give them for free, but if you offered the customer would be offended?

Working in retail is hard, I did it when younger and never would again! Have you?

TheShellBeach · 30/08/2023 14:46

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I wonder if some of them are ChatGPT.

Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 30/08/2023 14:46

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Bookish88 · 30/08/2023 14:47

FOJN · 30/08/2023 14:44

I'd have run the risk of offending and paid for the items. If it was a misunderstanding and the customer had the money she could have given it back to you afterwards.

Indeed.

Maybe take a look at your own behaviour instead of judging the shop assistant for hers.

LimeTreeGrove · 30/08/2023 14:48

I think if you were that concerned for the woman you'd have offered to pay for the stuff. It doesn't sound from your description of her that she'd have been angry about it

itsmylife7 · 30/08/2023 14:48

if its someone clearly with a special need I'd get involved.

I've done it before I can't stand this type of behaviour.

If you don't have the patience to work with with the public, get a job working alone.

Thewizardbinbag · 30/08/2023 14:49

We had regulars who did that. They knew what they were doing, they did it every time and they always wanted the stuff for free. They’d come in and do a separate shop for treat items, which they paid for no problem, but always did the “I have no money” dance over the essential weekly shop stuff.

They did have the money. They knew what they were doing. We acted with them the same way this assistant acted with this woman.

It is far more likely that the woman needed extra help to work it out and the assistant was being horrible, but you don’t always know.

ilovemydogmore · 30/08/2023 14:50

The time to act has passed. There are so many things you could have done something in moment:

  • immediately offered to pay the difference
  • helped the lady figure out what to put back
  • ask the shop worker to be kinder and more patient (no need to kick up a fuss but just calmly state she should be nicer)
  • ask the lady if she needed help
  • communicated with the lady when she was ignored so she didnt feel like an idiot

None of these things require anything but calm and quiet kindness.

If you care enough to post next time do something about it!

madeinmanc · 30/08/2023 14:51

Another similar thing that I found shocking was a man's card declined in the queue in front of me and the assistant practically shouted "IT'S DECLINED" so that everyone turned to stare at the embarrassed man.

Flakey99 · 30/08/2023 14:53

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AffIt · 30/08/2023 14:54

I worked in a shop as a student and we had a 'regular' who pulled this trick a lot.

A few colleagues and I fell for it a few times until a member of the man's family came in to explain and actually pay for the items we had 'forgotten' to put through.

That was all well and good for a while and we did toughen up a bit, but then he started imploring other customers to help and even though we tried to explain, there was inevitably always somebody who would step in, thus perpetuating the cycle.

I have no idea the extent of this man's intellectual challenges or his relationship with his family, given that I was a 19-year-old PT retail assistant and not a qualified therapist or social worker, but I don't doubt that if some people had witnessed me, or some of my colleagues, trying to manage this situation (which happened on an almost daily basis), they'd come to the conclusion that I was 'cold and lacking in empathy'.

I wasn't and I'm not: I was just trying to deal with a tricky situation (with no support from management, btw) and keep my low-paying job as best I could.

Now, that might not be the scenario here and I might be madly projecting: perhaps the assistant in this instance was just horrible and rude. However, what I'm trying to get across is it's not always possible to understand the full extent of a situation when all you're seeing is a snapshot in time.

FloweryName · 30/08/2023 14:54

I hear you OP, I’d feel upset at seeing someone who is obviously struggling for some reason be treated badly by someone who is supposedly there to help too. If you have seen a staff member acting rudely in public, you have every right to tell their employer

All the posters implying that OP should have paid - you have no idea of the OP’s finances and she shouldn’t be made to feel like it’s her responsibility when the women in the shop could have just done her job properly. We all have hard days at work, it doesn’t give us the right to be rude and unhelpful to people.

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 30/08/2023 14:58

@FloweryName the 'woman in the shop' DID do her job properly

FamilyDiabolics · 30/08/2023 14:59

Sorry OP but you're being a bit ridiculous. You say you wanted to help but didn't k know what to do but in fact you named two things you could have done and excuses why you didn't. Did you think the shop assistant could give things away for free? You don't know what else was going on as others have said. For all you know the shop assistant cannot afford the essentials either and in any event you should have actually done something if you felt so strongly. You didn't actually want to pay for her shopping is I suspect the truth.