To have been horrified by shop assistants complete lack of empathy

[WDY23]

Hello,

I have just come back from the local (ish) shop and the lady in front of me was taking her time at the till adjacent. Didn't think much of it initially, until I hear "no, that's not enough, you need to put x amount back". Very sharp and very cold. The woman, who I would say was in her 50's, had hearing aids and possible learning difficulties and was really struggling to understand what she needed to do. The 'assistant' was just staring at her through narrowed, icy eyes and folded arms.

The woman kept asking exactly how much did she have to put back, but the assistant clearly didn't think it was her job to offer any help whatsoever - just said "keep going", as this woman nervously scrambled through her shopping bags, putting them back on the counter. She clearly wasn't trying to get away with stealing or anything, she just needed a bit of help. I heard her say it was so expensive now, to which, you guessed it, the assistant responded with another cold, judgemental glare. She clearly didn't deem her worthy of a response. She then started apologising for the trouble, very nervously and I honestly could have cried for her.

The items she put back were essentials - bread, milk etc and I was appalled at the complete lack of humanity shown by this woman. I asked her if everything was OK and was even tempted to offer to help her pay for those essentials, but was also worried I might offend. She didn't really understand and just said another very sad "sorry" to me and to the assistant and she just rolled her eyes and shouted "next!".

My blood boiled. I was so cross, but I didn't know what to do. I was very close to confronting her, but my dd was with me and wasn't feeling well, so I didn't want to make her feel worse. Tempted to call and suggest that they offer this woman some extra customer service training, which would hopefully include some training in kindness and compassion. Maybe you can't teach this.

Anyway, I needed to share.

I sincerely hope I'm not alone in thinking how depressingly cold hearted this was....

Shop assistants have told me they have to deal with a barrage of people trying to get away with stuff practically every day in some shops.
It’s not easy to tell the genuine cases from those trying it on and even if it was what can they do about it?
But yes maybe she could have been a bit nicer. They have a lot to put up with and don’t get paid a lot.

My birth mom used to do this. She would never beg on the streets because she was "too proud" but used to do this. She also used to shop lift and end up in jail. She had alcohol and drug problems and ended up in a wheelchair for a few years which definitely helped her since people tend to treat people in wheel chairs as more infantile. My step sister is in a wheelchair and it's infuriating how people talk to her sometimes. My bio mom loved it though.

This cashier could be a bitch, or the customer a repeat offender. You didn't ask, so you'll never know.

For the record I'm a sucker so would have paid for the groceries. I've done it before. No one was offended. I usually ere on the side of being kind is never wasted.

Cannot believe you didn’t offer to pay …. Because you were worried it would offend is a lame excuse!

Why is it a lame excuse? why can’t you believe it? Do you think the OP was being mean? Or nasty? Or stingy? What’s so hard to believe? Do you think everyone behind someone who can’t pay doesn’t offer because they’re tight fisted? Never because they’re not sure what to do or they don’t want up humiliate someone or they’ve read the tone? What are you confused by?

I would have bought the lady’s stuff and chased after her with it, or just handed her a tenner at the time. I agree the assistant was awful.

Don’t judge unless you’ve worked in retail. You don’t know if this woman has a track record or if it’s an act. You don’t know what could have happened prior to what you saw. I’ve been called names and threatened in retail work.

Because I’m pretty sure the humiliation of having to put basics back because you cannot afford … would be much outweighed by someone making a very generous offer to purchase them for you … which I’ve seen many many people (including myself ) do for people and they have only expressed sheer gratitude - many people are on the bones of their arse and small acts of kindness go a long way. Posting on mn about being horrified at the cashiers attitude but doing nothing …. Well helps no-one ! Well done op 👏

Honestly, judging from the comments on this thread, no wonder such a disgustingly cruel government gets elected. There's such rejoicing in misery in this country.

Oh fuck off with your drama clapping. You don’t know. I’m the tripe I’d person who would fry my eyes out at literally anything. I’m as soft as they come but I can’t stand this dramatic ‘oh I just can’t believe!!!!!’ Did you get whiplash there? Can’t you understand that someone might feel unsure what to do for the best? Aren’t you able up conceive of a thought that didn’t come from your own head? You can’t believe what happened based on your beliefs! I’ve personally tried to help pay for shopping and it was rejected. There’s more than I’ve thought in the world than yours. Whether you believe that or not, it’s fairly reasonable to assume OP was coming from a good place. But you don’t want to admit that because you thought of something to say and you that oh that’s clever, I’ll say that! Doesn’t matter if it’s right. 👏

While it sounds like the shop assistant could have used a nicer tone of voice, what else could she have done if the customer couldn't afford to buy all of the items she had picked up? She couldn't just let the lady have the stuff she couldn't afford on the off chance that she has fallen on hard times. Once word inevitably got around about that, everybody would be trying it on.

I have found that declined also covers an error with the banking process! It makes me angry that it comes up as declined when it quite possibly is the banks fault. I know this because I once had a £50 transaction “declined” in front of a queue of customers paying from an account that had the proceeds of a house sale in it!

Properly laughing at ‘narrowed icy eyes’.

It is a shame if this was genuine but I work in a store and you always get the odd few customers trying it on. They play on people's sympathy.
We even have a man in his late 50's, early 60' s comes and sits outside the store lunchtimes when it's busy, claiming he's homeless. He brings his dog who is now really obese due to customers buying it treats, it has tons of food left on its blanket, whilst the man chatters happily away on his mobile phone. He takes it in turn with his wife, Some days she will come up, dog included. People are saying they do actually have a house not too far away, but they get away with it.

Sorry not all of this is coherent, so can’t fully respond.
I think you might by reading too much into my choice of wording “I can’t believe “.
Regardless, it’s pointless being so upset about this situation and doing nothing to help, seems like she just wanted to be outraged but justifying doing nothing.
Also are you ok ? You seem angry 🤣 might explain why someone refused an offer for you to pay !

@@WDY23

Previously I'd have just paid for her shopping, but now there are so many chancers, groups set up to scam this way. I'd have called for the manager. I'd have initially requested one of the check out operators called, but if they wouldn't, I can project my voice quite well 😂😂

My DD worked in a famous discount shop. They'd have the same people try this again and again. Many would present with LDs, however it was mainly addiction and acting. You did nothing OP, but want to slag off someone just above minimum wage as though she was looking down at the person who she was serving. The crap you take as an assistant in discount shops is unbelievable and it's usually the dregs of society who are the worse. Then there's the pervs.

As for calling for the manager, good luck with that. The acting supervisor would just tell you that the cashier is handling it.

I work in retail. We have a few regular customers who come in & don’t have enough money, I have in the past paid the difference as it’s only been about 40/50p, but now we aren’t allowed any phones, cards & never cash on the shop floor, we do have overpayments from customers so keep in a little box at the till for things like that, it breaks my heart to say they don’t have enough money & other customers have stepped in & paid the difference too.

If I was in the position ie customer instead of staff I would have helped the customer, offered to pay or sorted through what they needed.

i would totally ask the manager of the shop to watch back the video surveillance of the interaction & speak to the staff member about their customer service… which was clearly non-existent!
going forwards if you see something like this again, & you can afford it, have previously paid for the things someone has been unable to afford.
it is called paying it forwards & what you do is ask that person to do something kind for someone they see who needs help in some way.

I've paid in similar circs if it's just a few pounds , not really bothered if it's scam .

She sounds horrible. Clearly need to change jobs if this is her attitude. I would have called her out and paid for the shopping.

Being a shop assistant is not a hard job. A surgeon, a teacher, air traffic controller-hard jobs.
Even if the lady does this every day, there would be a reason for this behaviour. I like to think that I would have said something, but it can be difficult in the moment.
Definitely let the shop manager know how the assistant treated a vulnerable customer.

I’d complain. Yes, working in retail is hard. I’ve done it. The public is vile. But whether the woman had learning difficulties, financial difficulties or emotional difficulties - she deserved better than that. So do any other customers that find themselves having to put some things back. It’s happening a lot lately, it’s humiliating.

Were I the assistant’s boss, I’d want to know.
Even if this woman was a regular con artist. We had loads of those when I worked in retail. The correct course of action is to call security and smile and grit your teeth until they’ve gone. Very poor show.

I’m so sorry you couldn’t grasp the gist although I don’t believe that for a second , I think you’re just being snide. I took nothing the wrong way. You are what you are I guess. I understood everything you were saying and it’s arsey. Hope that’s coherent enough.

I’m with you on this one. It’s heartbreaking to see & I’ve seen it more and more recently. Some people are in a bad place. You have empathy OP so you’re on the right side of the tracks! Don’t worry - next time you’ll know what to do