To have been horrified by shop assistants complete lack of empathy

[WDY23]

Hello,

I have just come back from the local (ish) shop and the lady in front of me was taking her time at the till adjacent. Didn't think much of it initially, until I hear "no, that's not enough, you need to put x amount back". Very sharp and very cold. The woman, who I would say was in her 50's, had hearing aids and possible learning difficulties and was really struggling to understand what she needed to do. The 'assistant' was just staring at her through narrowed, icy eyes and folded arms.

The woman kept asking exactly how much did she have to put back, but the assistant clearly didn't think it was her job to offer any help whatsoever - just said "keep going", as this woman nervously scrambled through her shopping bags, putting them back on the counter. She clearly wasn't trying to get away with stealing or anything, she just needed a bit of help. I heard her say it was so expensive now, to which, you guessed it, the assistant responded with another cold, judgemental glare. She clearly didn't deem her worthy of a response. She then started apologising for the trouble, very nervously and I honestly could have cried for her.

The items she put back were essentials - bread, milk etc and I was appalled at the complete lack of humanity shown by this woman. I asked her if everything was OK and was even tempted to offer to help her pay for those essentials, but was also worried I might offend. She didn't really understand and just said another very sad "sorry" to me and to the assistant and she just rolled her eyes and shouted "next!".

My blood boiled. I was so cross, but I didn't know what to do. I was very close to confronting her, but my dd was with me and wasn't feeling well, so I didn't want to make her feel worse. Tempted to call and suggest that they offer this woman some extra customer service training, which would hopefully include some training in kindness and compassion. Maybe you can't teach this.

Anyway, I needed to share.

I sincerely hope I'm not alone in thinking how depressingly cold hearted this was....

Yea ok … 👌

So I read the thread and am still left wondering how the shop asst was supposed to help. How the hell would she know which items the customer would want to keep and which ones she would want to put back?

I'd have intervened and paid for her shopping personally

I think people need more patient, I work in retail, but I also have worked in care and understand, disabilities. I also have the patience of a saint.
We had a young lad come into our shop, he had some food. But not enough money, for what he wanted, he had learning disabilities, I worked out what he could afford. By the time we finished, there was a Q. But no one seemed to notice, the lady behind the young lad, smiled at me, I guess for helping him out. I got the Q down pretty quick, once he had got his food.
We do get people coming in with learning disabilities, you just have to be patient and not rush them or get angry at them, the aren't doing anything wrong, they just need more time than others.

OK, so I get where you're coming from because you don't know the woman. You feel terrible for her.

However, I have a neighbour who's well known amongst the community as an abusive viloent drunk. He tries this kind of thing all the time at the local shop.... fills a bag with booze, then a couple of 'essentials' like bread, milk, eggs etc. When he's then told he's short on the money, he pulls an act...the kind you describe. Starts pulling out the 'essentials' and acting sad... "oh no, i didnt realise, things have got so expensive, I dont know how I'll eat today, they turned my gas off today as well". Total strangers then feel desperately sorry for him and offer to pay, thinking he's on the bones of his arse and just trying to survive, telling off the shop assistants for their unsympathetic attitude.

When the locals/shop assistants who know him point out that the bag is mainly full of booze and that he's a prolific alcoholic pulling a stunt, he flies into a violent rage. He's physically attacked customers, the shop assistants and the police in these attempts to extort money from sympathetic strangers. He's been placed on tag multiple times for it. And spent time in prison.

All the shops within walking distance of his home are absolutely sick of it and barred him. So he started catching taxis to shops further away. And now he's been barred by even more shops and several taxi firms.

After years of putting up with this man's antics our local shop assistants do have icy stares and hostile attitudes... because they've seen it all before and know exactly what's coming.

This man actually comes from a wealthy background, brought up on a farm, had horses and a fancy lifestyle and now lives in a house completely paid for by his family - mortgage, bills, everything. He's bragged about it! We know the family and they confirm that yes, they do pay for his existence because if they didn't he'd end up on the streets and getring into even more trouble, probably drugs.

I'm not saying that wealthy people don't suffer from addiction or mental health issues. But when he's literally a kept man and has never had to worry about bills or keeping a roof over his head, but still tries to extort money from kind.strangers, the local shop assistants (who are genuinely struggling on minimum wage trying to feed their kids) tend to get a bit fucked off with it.

...Just offering another perspective. There are a lot of grey areas in these situations.

That’s a real shame you don’t have anything better to say in response because I was genuinely trying to be straight up. Yes, I know some of my reply was snarky but it was honest and real.

I’ve seen this situation before, in fact I’ve been in this situation before, but the cashiers were never mean like what you’ve described. Far from it. They were sympathetic. I’m in USA. I’ve paid for the groceries when the person in front of me didn’t have enough money. This has happened two or three times. And, it happened to me once, very embarrassing, but someone behind me came up and paid for me. Every situation I witnessed or was in myself was resolved with kindness. It made one feel like the world is not so bad.

Op, discreetly stepping in and paying for her would not have offended her. It would have saved her some embarrassment in my opinion.

I wonder if the shopkeeper was so angry because this was a person who had done this a few times before? I try not to assume the worst, but you never know. I remember a young woman on a bench outside a Panera’s crying and I stopped and she told me this long complicated story and I gave her $20. The next week, maybe 2 weeks later I parked at a grocery store near there and was walking across the parking lot to go in and this same person came up to me, she didn’t recognize me but I recognized her, and she went into the same spiel which it finally dawned on me was a scam. I looked at her and said, I’ve heard this story before. She got suddenly super enraged I think because she didn’t expect that, and I thought, wow, how crafty these con artists are.

I’ve been conned a few times so now I’m more cautious. But it’s usually easy to tell a genuine customer at the checkout line, and I’ve helped people out a few times.

I am shocked at the sympathy to the shop assistant in this thread. Also , I would have paid for shopping myself. Anyway....report the nasty bitch.

I have worked in customer service for over 40 years. It really doesn't matter what sort of a day a worker has had, or how they have been treated, they DO NOT take it out on customers. Who do you think actually pays the wages? Yes, I realise it is the employer via their bank, but no customers = no profit = no job/wages. Honestly, reading some of the replies on this thread makes me think I have entered a parallel universe, and I feel very sorry for any customers/clients some of you might be dealing with.

Because you seemed intent on replying with an angry rampage because I have a different opinion from you.

No, that’s not true. In any way. You’re projecting how you felt upon my reply to you. You were the one doing that in the first place. And you were clutching at straws retorting., anyway… I wish you well, maybe I’m in the wrong, you are, we both are or neither of us are! Hope you have a nice weekend 🤗

Retail staff are not robots - yet. They are subject to emotion.

Im pretty interested to know… if she put all the essentials back… what did the lady purchase instead?

Maybe missing the point of this thread but surely if you are a short, it’s the essentials that you buy! X

I would have paid for her shopping. 100%. If you were ‘horrified’ then you should have stepped in. If you couldn’t afford to pay for hers then you could have helped her to sort out what she needed most, how could you nearly cry for her and yet do nothing but stand and watch? YABU

I was behind a man in the queue the other day who spent at least three minutes explaining, after paying, the benefits of the particular washing up sponge he had chosen compared to other varieties. The SA was brilliant, smiled, nodded, feigned interest until he eventually left. St which point she shook her head and pinched the top of her nose.
SA have to deal with so much crap. You have no idea whether the one you are judging so harshly has to deal with this shopper regularly.
If you were so bothered, you should have paid.

Surely if you had customers who ‘did this all the time’… rather than be rude and stroppy infront of the other customers you would just simply say… ‘Sorry dear but you have to stop doing this, you can’t come in here everyday without enough money!!’

If anyone who works with the public like this is incapable of being form but polite, maybe they should look for different work. Yes, sometimes there are people trying it on; sometimes there are people genuinely in need of help. There is no need to lower your behaviour, be tactless, rude or indiscreet.

did you catch the catch the cashiers name? I’d 100% put in a complaint. It is bully behaviour and disability discrimination.
I have a dead friend who struggles understanding what people say… she once had someone say something from behind a mask and asked them to repeat it and they screamed something at her and made her cry… she couldn’t go shopping again alone for ages! She got upset just telling me what had happened.

Don’t most dead people have trouble understanding what people say ?😜

I would just complain about the shop assistant.

I have an older relative who has dementia. Her behaviour is a bit odd at times and it's fairly clear she's not 100% but she gets so many strange looks especially from younger shop assistants and waiting staff. Thankfully she doesn't notice but there really is a lack of kindness these days. It's mainly more mature employees who seem to have a grasp on customer service and etiquette.

Probably a "local" with "form"..... loads where I live..... without knowing the full circumstances I would ignore.......

Goodness me, snarky. It’s ok to be upset by something & have empathy for someone without doing anything.

People are so self centred these days they only think of themselves. Poor lady, whether she’d done this regularly or this was the first time there was clearly an issue bless her.

Did you miss the bit where I said I have worked in customer service for over 40 years - i.e. dealing with people every day of my working life, and some of them were not polite. There is still no excuse for anyone to be rude to ANY customer - if someone can't abide by that then they shouldn't be working with the public.