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Original poster

To have been horrified by shop assistants complete lack of empathy

219 replies

WDY23 · 30/08/2023 14:33

Hello,

I have just come back from the local (ish) shop and the lady in front of me was taking her time at the till adjacent. Didn't think much of it initially, until I hear "no, that's not enough, you need to put x amount back". Very sharp and very cold. The woman, who I would say was in her 50's, had hearing aids and possible learning difficulties and was really struggling to understand what she needed to do. The 'assistant' was just staring at her through narrowed, icy eyes and folded arms.

The woman kept asking exactly how much did she have to put back, but the assistant clearly didn't think it was her job to offer any help whatsoever - just said "keep going", as this woman nervously scrambled through her shopping bags, putting them back on the counter. She clearly wasn't trying to get away with stealing or anything, she just needed a bit of help. I heard her say it was so expensive now, to which, you guessed it, the assistant responded with another cold, judgemental glare. She clearly didn't deem her worthy of a response. She then started apologising for the trouble, very nervously and I honestly could have cried for her.

The items she put back were essentials - bread, milk etc and I was appalled at the complete lack of humanity shown by this woman. I asked her if everything was OK and was even tempted to offer to help her pay for those essentials, but was also worried I might offend. She didn't really understand and just said another very sad "sorry" to me and to the assistant and she just rolled her eyes and shouted "next!".

My blood boiled. I was so cross, but I didn't know what to do. I was very close to confronting her, but my dd was with me and wasn't feeling well, so I didn't want to make her feel worse. Tempted to call and suggest that they offer this woman some extra customer service training, which would hopefully include some training in kindness and compassion. Maybe you can't teach this.

Anyway, I needed to share.

I sincerely hope I'm not alone in thinking how depressingly cold hearted this was....

OP posts:
AllOfThemWitches · 30/08/2023 15:38

Lots of excuses for why you couldn't help or say anything. Easier to post on the internet about it I suppose.

CrashyTime · 30/08/2023 15:39

EightChalk · 30/08/2023 15:35

How likely is it really that someone would have prop hearing aids in order to attempt to scam some milk and bread? That's a bit of a cynical view.

Show quote history

I think it is more likely than you think, but in this case I don`t think it sounds very likely, more likely that the shop assistant had had previous encounters with this shopper IMO.

Themosswidow · 30/08/2023 15:42

I think the learning here is it’s better to act in the moment.

poduic · 30/08/2023 15:43

I'd have helped. May dad is a stroke survivor who gets flustered easily, would hope someone would do the same for him if he was being treated poorly.

LaMarschallin · 30/08/2023 15:43

This reply has been deleted

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Inmybirthdaysuit · 30/08/2023 15:45

CuteCillian · 30/08/2023 15:36

The woman might do that every single day and it's an act (and the shop assistant knows this) to try and get freebies.
Similar happened to me and I offered to pay, the store manager approached me and said the customer visited numerous times and they would not allow me to pay.

Just as a reverse of this when I paid for the ladies shopping in aldi a few days later when I was back in the manager said oh I recognise you, you paid for the ladies shopping and said how it was a lovely thing to do and gave my dd a free packet of sweets, saying how kindness was rare these days. I would much rather be scammed out of the few euro that I paid for her beans and bread than the thought of her going home hungry. If it was extravagant stuff she was buying I would have thought twice about paying but if someone wants to scam me out of aldi own brand beans then I am an easy mark I suppose.

Inmybirthdaysuit · 30/08/2023 15:46

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i think the bot hunters lately are worse than the troll hunters. It's so banal, just don't reply if you think it is a bot, there is no need to let everyone know that you think you are smarter than everyone else.

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 30/08/2023 15:47

The items she put back were essentials - bread, milk etc

So what did she keep instead? And please stop with all the drama inducing phrases of cold hearted retail assistant with icy stares whilst your blood boils. It's pathetic. Just pay for the shopping, or support the person trying to buy or shut up. No point hand wringing and wailing several hours later 🙄

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 30/08/2023 15:48

I had my card declined in M&S in lockdown - it was actually because I had maxed out the number of taps and needed to enter the pin, so quickly sorted. The man behind me heard the sales assistant say it hadn’t gone through and immediately offered to pay. The shop was mainly non-essential items (sorry Covid police!) to try and brighten up a Friday night, I specifically remember wine and the Thai takeaway box being part of it. I was so touched by his kindness at a time when everything felt so shit. A few days later I saw an elderly chap in a fluster in Cafe Nero because they wouldn’t accept cash, so got his coffee and a cake

LaMarschallin · 30/08/2023 15:51

@Inmybirthdaysuit

Well, as long as I'm smarter than you, that'll do for me Smile

Original poster
WDY23 · 30/08/2023 15:51

@andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow read my post again. I asked her if everything was OK. She was taken aback or didn't understand, so just apologised. I have already said I wish I had done more.

OP posts:
JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 30/08/2023 15:53

FuckingHellAdele · 30/08/2023 15:21

If anything will give you 'narrowed, icy eyes' it's having to 'assist' the Great British public.

Then they're in the wrong job. If a shop assistant can't serve a customer without being polite they should look for a different role. There's a shop close to me that employs an assistant who looks like she'd rather chew on Boris Johnson's arse flannel than serve customers. I always make a point of giving her the most exaggerated smile I can muster whenever she serves me.

DyslexicPoster · 30/08/2023 15:53

Op your not allowed to feel horrified on MN. Or upset.

Try working on feeling nothing and dead inside instead. In true MN style.

Eg I saw a child falk off the swing and hit there face on a bench, there was blood everywhere. Her mum was crying. Which reminded me I needed to put the bins out tonight.

outsurance · 30/08/2023 15:54

No harm to you but I bet this was a scammer.

I've been a shop assistant. It's more common than you'd think.

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 30/08/2023 15:55

DyslexicPoster · 30/08/2023 15:53

Op your not allowed to feel horrified on MN. Or upset.

Try working on feeling nothing and dead inside instead. In true MN style.

Eg I saw a child falk off the swing and hit there face on a bench, there was blood everywhere. Her mum was crying. Which reminded me I needed to put the bins out tonight.

But why was the bench so near to the swing?

Crinkle77 · 30/08/2023 15:57

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 30/08/2023 15:53

Then they're in the wrong job. If a shop assistant can't serve a customer without being polite they should look for a different role. There's a shop close to me that employs an assistant who looks like she'd rather chew on Boris Johnson's arse flannel than serve customers. I always make a point of giving her the most exaggerated smile I can muster whenever she serves me.

Show quote history

Yep this. I worked in retail for years when I was younger and later on in other customer service type roles. I would never have treated a customer like this even if they were regularly difficult or awkward. I learnt to grin and bear it.

DorasAuntie · 30/08/2023 15:58

Have a whole load of posters here missed the line where the OP said she spoke to the woman and offered to help her? Like you @FamilyDiabolics and all the others.

Looks like it.

She was rebuffed by the woman, so stopped short of offering to pay.

And we don't know if the OP had enough means to pay.

It's quite sad that so many posters here are turning on the OP when she did offer to help.

The real anger ought to be directed at the shop asst who appeared to be coldhearted and unhelpful.

I think we have all been in situations where after the event, we think of all the things we could have done better.

That doesn't shift the blame to the OP!

wingingit1987 · 30/08/2023 16:01

I would have offered to pay, if I was able to afford the difference. I would have made sure the other customer was ok and I would have complained to management there and then. You could always email or call the store to highlight your concerns but it would have been a lot better to manage it at the time.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 30/08/2023 16:03

Have a whole load of posters here missed the line where the OP said she spoke to the woman and offered to help her?

She didn't offer to help at all @DorasAuntie .

She says she asked the woman if she was okay and that she was tempted to offer to pay but didn't want to offend, so didn't say anything else.

Peony654 · 30/08/2023 16:04

FamilyDiabolics · 30/08/2023 14:59

Sorry OP but you're being a bit ridiculous. You say you wanted to help but didn't k know what to do but in fact you named two things you could have done and excuses why you didn't. Did you think the shop assistant could give things away for free? You don't know what else was going on as others have said. For all you know the shop assistant cannot afford the essentials either and in any event you should have actually done something if you felt so strongly. You didn't actually want to pay for her shopping is I suspect the truth.

This. The assistant was doing her job, she can't let customers not pay for their shopping.

NutellaNut · 30/08/2023 16:06

You didn’t offer to pay or help the woman and you didn’t have a word with the assistant….you just moaned on here, what’s your point?

DorasAuntie · 30/08/2023 16:07

Peony654 · 30/08/2023 16:04

This. The assistant was doing her job, she can't let customers not pay for their shopping.

Show quote history

Are you missing the point @Peony654 ?

It's not about getting things for free. Who said that?

It's about not helping a customer who appeared to have learning difficulties.

Far better to assume they have, and help, than take the cynical approach they are a shop lifter.

DorasAuntie · 30/08/2023 16:07

NutellaNut · 30/08/2023 16:06

You didn’t offer to pay or help the woman and you didn’t have a word with the assistant….you just moaned on here, what’s your point?

Do read the first post.

It's quite clear.

The OP spoke to the customer and offered to help.

Goodness, so many people here don't bother to read.

Totalwasteofpaper · 30/08/2023 16:08

RampantIvy · 30/08/2023 14:41

I would have just paid for her shopping.

This
And i would have had a few choice words for the shop assistant

rhino12345 · 30/08/2023 16:10

There's a man in my town who at least three times a week goes into a local supermarket and does a whole "oh no my card's not working and I've not got enough cash" taking ages to pay. He does it all the time in the hope someone behind pays for him.

He then leaves the shop and gets into a brand new SUV (I kid you not.)

I've personally seen him do it twice in 6 months, and my best friend works in the shop and says he's in every night she works and does the same act. It's bizarre.

I'm not saying this is what it was, but there are scammers out there taking advantage.

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