To have been horrified by shop assistants complete lack of empathy

[WDY23]

Hello,

I have just come back from the local (ish) shop and the lady in front of me was taking her time at the till adjacent. Didn't think much of it initially, until I hear "no, that's not enough, you need to put x amount back". Very sharp and very cold. The woman, who I would say was in her 50's, had hearing aids and possible learning difficulties and was really struggling to understand what she needed to do. The 'assistant' was just staring at her through narrowed, icy eyes and folded arms.

The woman kept asking exactly how much did she have to put back, but the assistant clearly didn't think it was her job to offer any help whatsoever - just said "keep going", as this woman nervously scrambled through her shopping bags, putting them back on the counter. She clearly wasn't trying to get away with stealing or anything, she just needed a bit of help. I heard her say it was so expensive now, to which, you guessed it, the assistant responded with another cold, judgemental glare. She clearly didn't deem her worthy of a response. She then started apologising for the trouble, very nervously and I honestly could have cried for her.

The items she put back were essentials - bread, milk etc and I was appalled at the complete lack of humanity shown by this woman. I asked her if everything was OK and was even tempted to offer to help her pay for those essentials, but was also worried I might offend. She didn't really understand and just said another very sad "sorry" to me and to the assistant and she just rolled her eyes and shouted "next!".

My blood boiled. I was so cross, but I didn't know what to do. I was very close to confronting her, but my dd was with me and wasn't feeling well, so I didn't want to make her feel worse. Tempted to call and suggest that they offer this woman some extra customer service training, which would hopefully include some training in kindness and compassion. Maybe you can't teach this.

Anyway, I needed to share.

I sincerely hope I'm not alone in thinking how depressingly cold hearted this was....

This 100%

Right, to clear up - no, I didn't expect the assistant to just pay or let her off. The woman quite clearly had some kind of learning disability, so my main issue was with the fact that she wouldn't offer to help her, not pay for her. It was so clear she was struggling.

I did ask if everything was OK, but she just apologised.

And yes, I am now regretting not just offering to pay.

Oh and no, I am not a robot.

They are at least partially based on gptchat checkers

This. There was a queue, no doubt the shop assistant was conscious of this and maybe did lack a bit of compassion in consequence.

OP, I would have found that very upsetting as well and also probably not have offered to pay for fear of offending. To those finding it unbelievable, go out in the real world for a bit- I have seen this situation recently twice. Cost of living is absolutely impacting some harder than others and this is reality. Also can’t believe how many people are bending over backwards to try and justify the unkindness of the shop
assistant - some discretion and civility is vital in such situations

So you did nothing? But are now telling everyone how awful it was. Ok.

Sure it doesnt apply here but there is a common scam where someone will pretend not to understand the currency and hold out handfuls of coins worth a few quid to pay for 40 or 50 quids worth of shopping, the aim of the scam is to get someone in the line (it is always done at busy times) to step up and pay, a shop assistant told me that you would be surprised how many people step in and pay for the scammers goods! One that I witnessed was a mother with son about 10 or 11 years old saying she couldnt understand how much was needed and holding out handfuls of coins to pay for quite a lot of groceries that obviously cost about £60, the give-away was that the son didnt look embarrassed he looked almost bored, at that age I would have been mortified if my Mum couldn`t pay for shopping in front of ten or twenty people in a shop! Maybe they need to work on the method a bit and get him to look more awkward?

There seems to be a lot of conjecture in your post.

Maybe the woman who worked there had autism and really struggles to empathise? You see - it's very easy to make up stuff from both ends when you have no actual clue what you're talking about.

You should have called for a manager and maybe paid.

This forum is full of very passive people who complain to strangers on the internet after an event. Why bother?

@FamilyDiabolics you couldn't be further from the truth. I did want to pay. As I've already said, I wish now I had, but it was a very awkward situation and I didn't know what the best thing to do was.

I genuinely just care and feel very sorry for people in need and angry when they get looked down on. I'm not a "drama llama". I just found it very sad.

Clearly shouldn't have posted. Must just be trying to fill my time, as another poster so kindly suggested.

I do feel like you could’ve stepped in

I sorry, but I think you're more unreasonable for having felt that strongly about it and not offering a few pounds to help. Working checkouts is a very difficult job.

I once queued behind an elderly customer who was struggling to pay for her shopping with her card. The shop assistant was trying to help her by suggesting she try a different card but the lady could not understand what was going on and looked very confused. I paid her for shopping. It was about £30 and close to Christmas.

Reading your OP my heart was breaking for this poor customer. It's horrible not being able to afford necessities.

Jesus @OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia what is your problem? Why are you trying to 'catch me out'? No, I'm not making anything up. Why on earth would I?

Reminds me of the famous and much copied (maybe he copied it?) Woody Allen sketch.

You should have offered to help if you were so angry, no point moaning now.

I wonder what she kept in favour of her essentials.

You should have stepped in and you know that.

How many people had she had that day just hoping the assistant would say ah its OK just take it.

@Imsureitsprobablymebut yes, I should have.

Our family used to own a convenience store. This kind of thing was very common and it's usually an act to try to persuade either the shop assistant or a customer behind to pay for the stuff for her. We had regular customers who'd come in and do it. Often they'd have a pocket/bag full of small coins and spend forever foraging around, and they knew the customers behind them in the queue would give them money just to get them moving so they could be served.

It's a non story, you didn't offer assistance to the woman- you could of helped her if you thought the shop assistant wasn't very nice.

As others had said, how do you know she doesn't go in on a daily basis? Even though when I worked in retail I wouldn't of been cold towards someone even if they were on my list as annoying.

Either way instead of posting a thread about it, why not confront at the time or offer the stranger a helping hand? Whether your DD was unwell or not you still stood there for the same amount of time.

Dealing with the public is hellish at times and am sure most people's patience would wear thin after a while. How would she help the customer - it's not on her to decide what the customer should prioritise out of her purchases. The prices are clear and the customer knows how much money they have. Even adults with LDs can usually manage this and if they can't, the staff are no more able to help them than another customer like yourself are. Course she could have been much more caring and maybe she started out that way but it takes a certain sort to keep that warmth after a while. Those kinds of shops have alkies and chancers to deal with everyday and this kind of thing can sometimes be a scam to get let off paying for things.

This reads like a take a break article.