To think this black eye was not an accident? Warning pic of black eye

[LittleLostCookie]

Sorry I do have this post in SN chat (originally wasn’t keen on AIBU) but will get Mumsnet to delete as I’m desperately awaiting a reply to get some thoughts/opinions on this.

DS is 9 and has asd and is non verbal. He has been going to his dad for about 1/3 of the school holidays and ex h has a new partner who has 2 teenage boys. DS came home yesterday morning with a pretty sore eye and I instantly asked ex h what had happened and he very much brushed it off (he never texted me to tell me about any sort of injury or incident) saying well he was playing with the older boys wasn’t he. DS never “plays” with other children, especially older ones. He gets on best with babies at a push. I asked ex H when have we ever seen him play with other kids and he claims how he’s taken to them and I just can’t believe that I know my son and just know he isn’t going to be playing doesn’t matter how much he likes them and I asked what they were playing and he said oh it was with a ball and he got hit and I asked if he saw it and he said no and I’m also not believing this because ds always has his ball and will have a meltdown if someone is taking it/playing with it. There’s no way he has willingly played ball with some teenage boys and I can’t believe ex H thinks I’m that stupid.

He’s come at me with the “I’m his dad and he was in my care and I’m telling you that’s what happened” and I just don’t believe it. He’s my only child and I must admit, I don’t know too much about kids his age but is this even an injury that happens from some harmless playing IF that even happened, which I don’t believe for one second did…

I’m really angry but don’t know what I can do. Sorry for the drawn on picture didn’t want to have a zoom in and make it super blurry. So AIBU to think this definitely didn’t happen in the way ex H claims?

Poor lad. I think I'd get that checked out OP. One so it's on record in case it's needed later and two a he,with professional might have a better idea about what's caused it?

Health

You can’t tell from this whether he was punched or not. Black eyes can look horrific from the smallest knock or like nothing from a serious injury. Don’t use the appearance of it to make your judgement.

I wouldn’t believe your ex.

His reaction tells you all you need to know. He should have returned DS with apologies saying „look, they were playing, I turned awayfor a moment,he got it in his face, I’m sorry”

he’s telling you instead „shut up and put up,I’m not taking any blame”

Any caring parent would be remorseful.He’s not.

I also have 9yo non verbal DS.

Hugs to you and your boy. Please watch your ex, if DS comes home with any more injuries I’d be stopping contact as it would be proof that ex can’t/won’t keep DS safe and doesn’t give a flying fig about his wellbeing.

I would be angry too. It does seem like your ex is downplaying it, wasn’t paying enough attention, and didn’t seek any sort of medical review.
It could’ve been accidental though - I’ve had two black eyes, once when I fell over with an object in my hand and once when I was shaking the ketchup bottle too vigorously and accidentally hit myself in the face.

Op I also think mine looked worse before it got better.

I don't see the point in going to A&E. They will not be able to tell what caused the impact.

With mine on the trampoline I went to see GP a few days later as I was loosing feeling, he kept telling me it was normally "young males with this type of injury" I'm not convinced he believed me it was a trampoline & a girls head.

My son has took a ball to the face many times, at worst he's had his nose broke but never had a black eye like that. I guess it depends on the ball and the angle though. Looks more like a tennis ball could have done it more than a football? Just from my ds-football-to-the-face experiences.
It's a tough situation OP. I'm overly protective (though try not to be) so know how you must be feeling, the not knowing for sure what's happened.

What's your usual communication like with your ex? Whenever your son had been hurt/fell before in your care have you contacted the ex to tell him?

Strangers on the Internet can't tell you how that happened. I think I'd note is as a hopefully isolated incident and if anything else happened I'd try to dig more. But I don't think you can go off on one about a black eye, you don't know how your son interacts with kids that you don't see him with.

Get him looked at by the GP or walk in centre so it is on record. If your DS isn’t fearful about going to his DF’s in future it might well not have been anything deliberate. His reaction to going next time will be significant.

If there’s a repeat with no satisfactory explanation, I’d give EX hell.

My nephew was hit with a ball in the eye as a toddler and it gave him quite a steaker! So I wouldn't rule out that he has been hit that way. I can understand your concerns though of course.

instantly asked ex h what had happened and he very much brushed it off

This is the biggest red flag.

Innocent reason (which I doubt) or not, his parent should know this is a big deal and need a clear explanation to the other parent and reassurance for how they will ensure it won't happen again.

This needs a child protection medical examination. I'd suggest attending GP surgery and saying exactly that.

I got a black eye at secondary school which looked similar to this but more swollen. I hit it purely accidentally . I turned round as a lad ran forward and our heads banged and it looked awful, he was fine, so accidents CAN happen....but.
You know your DS. You know what his go to behaviour regarding other children etc is.
Do you think your ex is covering for one of the boys? Do you have concerns regarding your ex?
The fact that your DS cant speak forhimself by informing someone makes him very vulnerable and wouldmalke me very concerned about him goibg back.
I would try and get it recorded ie at GPs etc , I'm not sure if SS would look into something but uou need to speak for your son x x

Also agree that ex manner if brushing it iff is definitely a red flag that something wasn't right.

Your poor boy. That must be so sore. :(

I would take him to A and E - or for some sort of medical attention - and then the injury and dad’s story are recorded.

I’m also not believing this because ds always has his ball and will have a meltdown if someone is taking it/playing with it.

Could it not have been a different ball?

The fact that your ex did not text you to let you know is a red flag. Your poor DS would have been in a lot of pain regardless of how it happened. You need to take him to your gp and get this on record especially as he’s none verbal, as school are going to question that when he goes next week.

Another one saying this warrants a GP appointment. They will photograph the injury and put it in his medical records with the date they saw him. If your son suffers another injury in your ex H’s care which needs to be investigated, there will be an evidence trail which ultimately will be in your son’s best interest because any safe guarding measures can be put in place more quickly

I think the GP or a walk in are good ideas, particularly as your ds is non verbal, it needs to be checked as throughly as a professional is able to. Also it no bad thing to have it on record.

It may be that you see someone who will also listen to your concerns about his father because he wasn’t forthcoming about the injury and very defensive when you questioned what had happened. I appreciate how unsettled you must be feeling by it all, how can a father be so ignorant to the fact that a non verbal child sustaining an injury like that will raise questions and he may have to just own up to his own failings/lack of attention. It’s not ok but it’s understandable stuff like this happens.

alternatively, is your ds back at school next week? Are they any good? Could you talk it through with someone there and at least they can be mindful that when he’s been at his dads they may need to watch for subtle signs he’s unhappy because your essentially being kept from having any reliable report of what happens whilst he’s there.

Ask him if he likes these boys. Ask if they are kind to him. I'd be worried it might happen again. Get it photographed and recorded on what date who he was with etc.

You think the teenage boys intentionally punched your son? Or your ex?

Kids do get lots of bruises and as PP have said sometimes they loom worse than they are.

It definitely looks like her had a ball or something to his eye but it’s difficult to say whether it was an accident or not.

I wouldn’t go to A&E because there’s absolutely no need to wait for hours to be see for something that isn’t an emergency.

I would however get it checked out and logged for future reference just in case.
If he is continuously coming home with bruises or injuries then it is worth having a record of them just incase it needs to be escalated.

Just a heads up by DD had bruising on her face when she was little and I took her to the GP as there was no reason I could think of as to how she’d got them, as she’d only been in my care and hadn’t fallen or anything so I thought she may have a blood disorder or something.

The GP rang the hospital and privately spoke to them and then told me I needed to go to A&E. I was then referred to social services as the bruises were unexplained.
It was quite worrying and frustrating as I thought why would I bring her to the doctors if I had injured her myself but nothing came from it and it was all fine in the end.
So just a warning that if this is flagged up it may be seen as a safeguarding thing, especially if he has autism and non-verbal.

I work in a school, and that bruise would be consistent with a heavy ball that hit straight in the eye. I'm guessing your DS would not be one to duck so if the other boys were kicking or throwing a ball hard and he was in the way he would take the impact straight on.

My dog head butted me and I had a horrendous black eye and nerve damage. The black eye lasted for well over a month. But it was accidental and looked worse than your sons (not saying his doesn’t look bad though!)

Point is you can’t tell how black eyes happen from looking at them, it could have been accidental so I would tread carefully but want to know exactly what happened.

I'd agree it's likely to be a different ball. A garden with 3 boys, esp including two teenage boys, will have multiple balls in it.
Boys sometimes don't even realise their own strength or the power they can put behind a ball.

I'd take photos and a mental note and see what happens in future.
Statistically he'd be more in danger from a partner of yours than a step mum or his own dad.

Something has obviously hit him in the eye. I don't think there's any way to find out what or who it was, unless yurbDS can tell you some how.

Could he show you using toys what happened?