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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking OH is rude to keep asking me to open + share my b'day chocs?

202 replies

QualityStreeter · 30/08/2023 02:48

It was my birthday a few days ago + I was given a large selection of chocs + sweets. OH keeps wanting me to open my presents so I can share them with him. He makes very unsubtle hints, like "I really feel like some chocolate, I wonder where I can find some".
AIBU to think this is rude + that the decision to open + share my birthday food presents should be mine?
On my birthday itself, after a meal out + cake, I felt over full. I told him I was too stuffed to eat anything else. After the 3rd or 4th "hint" to open some treats, I told him that he was being rude to keep asking.
But he has just continued to make these hints all the time. We've eaten some, just not as much as he'd like. I even opened some of the boring chocs tonight, not because I really wanted any, just to shut him up.
I will open + share all my presents eventually. We have kids; no treat has been 100% mine ever since they were born! But I don't want to gorge on my presents like he seems desperate too. They are mostly my favourite chocs that I only get as presents. I want to savour them over a month or two. I've stashed most of them away to bring out gradually. He is being so blatent I'm not sure if I trust him not to just help himself.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 31/08/2023 12:32

TulipCat · 31/08/2023 08:29

It's a box of chocolates, not the crown jewels. They're meant to be shared. You choose when to get them out but no need for such drama.

Why are they? There's nothing about a box of posh chocs that declares they must be shared. Op isn't looking to gorge them alone until she pukes and will share, slowly, when SHE wants one.

Oysterbabe · 31/08/2023 12:40

The OP has clearly said that she has opened and shared some of the chocolates. She should not be pressured to open her favourite ones before she actually wants them. If her DH is anything like mine, once they are open he will inhale the majority of them without her getting a look in.

Quisquam · 31/08/2023 12:44

Quite simple OP - open a box of chocolates and give him the ones, you don’t like! Kill two birds with one stone!

Thats what we do - for instance, DH can’t stand Turkish Delight and I love them! I hate any chocolate containing coconut or strawberry - DH loves them! Win win all round!

AvocadotoastORahouse · 31/08/2023 13:38

But, what about when it's HIS salary. Expectation is that it's shared (without asking) no?

Ah, the MRA's have arrived! Took longer than I thought.

AvocadotoastORahouse · 31/08/2023 13:43

phoenixrosehere · 31/08/2023 11:01

Unless it is something fancy like hotel chocolate then open them! Anything you don't want him to touch just hide.

The bar is pretty low if you have to hide your own birthday presents to stop your spouse from pestering you about them. It’s simple respect to leave someone’s gifts alone.

OP literally says the ones he’s after are her favourite chocolates that she only gets as presents and wants to savour them and she rarely gets to have anything for herself. Her DH obviously knows this but doesn’t care because he wants her to share them when HE wants them and is pestering her to the point that she doesn’t trust him not to eat them without her permission. He seemingly isn’t showing any interest in the other sweets yet is focused on the ones she favours most which makes his behaviour more off-putting imo.

They’re her gifts regardless of what they are and it is rude to pester someone about their own gifts. She knows that he would eat more than her given the choice which means her favourites wouldn’t last .

Some of you are obviously happy to share these sort of birthday gifts but you chose to do so and OP is choosing not to and neither is wrong. What is wrong is ignoring someone’s wishes about what they want to do with their own gifts and pressuring them into giving them to you because you want them and think they should share with you because of it.

OP’s gifts, OP gets to decide what she she does with them.

Edited

Again, this. All the folk saying they would share presumably have the kind of partners who won't scoff a whole box in one go. Doesn't sound like OP's partner is that type. Sounds more like he wants the lot for himself.

luckylavender · 31/08/2023 13:52

Such drama

crochetmonkey74 · 31/08/2023 13:52

Yep my mum shared everything apart from one type of choc that she insisted was hers only (she got them only at Christmas and there was plenty of other stuff)
It's important to have something that feels like only yours. Years ago, after my divorce, the thing I remember the most was buying myself some fancy pop and knowing when I came home, he hadn't opened it.

Tessisme · 31/08/2023 14:04

But not everyone can justify spending ££ on fancy chocolate every month

Eh? Who mentioned every month? I thought this was about birthday chocolates.

Tessisme · 31/08/2023 14:06

Oh yeah, I see now ... the poster I quoted!

TulipCat · 31/08/2023 14:15

SleepingStandingUp · 31/08/2023 12:32

Why are they? There's nothing about a box of posh chocs that declares they must be shared. Op isn't looking to gorge them alone until she pukes and will share, slowly, when SHE wants one.

Show quote history

There's something rather sad about slowly working through a box of chocolates alone in my opinion. To me they are a social food, like big bags of crisps, a bottle of wine or toasting marshmallows.

Amispringy · 31/08/2023 14:26

Greedy✔️
Posh chocs✔️
Yum✔️

Have we had a "hubby" yet?

Welcome to Mumsnet 2023

jlpth · 31/08/2023 14:31

Just get them open and share them. I don't really understand the waiting.

OriginalUsername2 · 31/08/2023 14:33

Yeah it’s rude! My family have in-built knowledge of this - we wouldn’t dream of asking for some of anyone else’s gifts and would say “No, they’re yours, you enjoy them! Okay, maybe one..”

MIL didn’t have this. She would ask for literally anything or even just “cheekily” grab one and say “Whoops!” 😡

Globules · 31/08/2023 14:38

TulipCat · 31/08/2023 14:15

There's something rather sad about slowly working through a box of chocolates alone in my opinion. To me they are a social food, like big bags of crisps, a bottle of wine or toasting marshmallows.

Show quote history

I've got different grades.

Tubs of roses and the like, everyone dig in.

Ferraro rocher, hands off everyone on pain of death

Raffailo, pace yourself slowly to eek out the pleasure. You can have one if you're offered.

Chocolate tasting boxes, one a night for as long as the box lasts. I may offer you one, I may not. I remember getting one of these as a present on the birth of my first born. Sitting alone in peace, doing nothing but savoring the delicious flavour as it rolled around my mouth. Sheer bliss and something lovely to look forward to every night. Nothing sad about that at all. Tbh, I'm sad you've never experienced the joy of the simple pleasure of a chocolate alone in some in peace.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 31/08/2023 15:59

User7477 · 30/08/2023 20:54

🤣🤣🤣 i do wonder what chocolates they are and what chocolates cost £30 but I would definitely just share them id understand if it was something else you had got for your birthday like a laptop and he just wanted to use it all the time, but it's just chocolate 🤣 and he's hungry and feels like some that is quite cruel not to share them and leave him there hinting I hope he goes and buys something you really feel like and just sits there and eats it without sharing

what chocolates cost £30

Nice ones! The type that might be given as a birthday gift (e.g. Charbonnel et Walker, or a small artisan chocolatier brand), because they would be a rare treat.

I think some people are hearing 'chocolate' and assuming it's a massive tub of cheap Celebrations that's easily replaced for a fiver.

If he's so desperate for chocolate, he can pop to the shop and buy some. Demanding access to someone else's birthday gift is not on.

longtompot · 31/08/2023 16:21

I will open + share all my presents eventually. We have kids; no treat has been 100% mine ever since they were born! But I don't want to gorge on my presents like he seems desperate too. They are mostly my favourite chocs that I only get as presents. I want to savour them over a month or two

The op didn't say she wasn't going to share with her husband. She just wanted her birthday presents to last longer than what he would if he was given half the chance.

I am totally with you @QualityStreeter I ask for handmade chocolates for my birthday and Christmas as they aren't something I'd usually buy as £££ and I savour them over a period of time. Some you need to be careful with as they have short use by dates, usually have cream or some dairy in, so need to be eaten quicker. But I share them when I have one.

jannier · 31/08/2023 18:07

AvocadotoastORahouse · 31/08/2023 13:38

But, what about when it's HIS salary. Expectation is that it's shared (without asking) no?

Ah, the MRA's have arrived! Took longer than I thought.

Combining salaries is a bit different to its your birthday here's your present now let your oh have 99% of it surely.

jannier · 31/08/2023 18:10

TulipCat · 31/08/2023 14:15

There's something rather sad about slowly working through a box of chocolates alone in my opinion. To me they are a social food, like big bags of crisps, a bottle of wine or toasting marshmallows.

Show quote history

She didn't say she was keeping them to eat on her own but she doesn't want them downed in one wanting to make an occasion of eating them enjoying it not woofing it down like an animal.

DemBonesDemBones · 31/08/2023 18:23

Are you both adults? Confused

boobot1 · 31/08/2023 18:53

SeriousFaffing · 30/08/2023 10:29

Your house sounds like there are no boundaries in place and potentially a bit (or very) unhealthy.

Show quote history

And you are wrong. Just not a control freak over a box of chocolates. Each to their own🙄

cakecoffeecakecoffee · 31/08/2023 19:43

He is being rude by wanting your gift.

DH and I always share any chocolate we’re given but that is due to us offering them to each other when the recipient feels like opening them.

boobot1 · 01/09/2023 08:15

BibbleandSqwauk · 30/08/2023 08:25

@boobot1 even birthday presents? My absolute favourite chocolatier truffles are £30 a box. I get them about once every three years. I don't want to "scoff" them as another poster said, I don't want them all gone in one night and I definitely would go ape if people just helped themselves. Why is it wrong to want some things kept specially?

Yup even a £30 box of truffles. Any consumable im not bothered about.My sister often uses my makeup or perfumes(very expensive ones) I dont even think about it. If its to be used/consumed, im happy to share.

pinkyredrose · 01/09/2023 12:02

mrsm43s · 30/08/2023 23:37

But, what about when it's HIS salary. Expectation is that it's shared (without asking) no?

Show quote history

Lol! Good one!

Letitgonowgr · 01/09/2023 12:04

Couldn’t get worked up about this! Would open and share.

phoenixrosehere · 01/09/2023 14:30

Letitgonowgr · 01/09/2023 12:04

Couldn’t get worked up about this! Would open and share.

OP is open to sharing, it’s being pestered about opening her gifts when she doesn’t want to open them which is the issue.