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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking OH is rude to keep asking me to open + share my b'day chocs?

202 replies

QualityStreeter · 30/08/2023 02:48

It was my birthday a few days ago + I was given a large selection of chocs + sweets. OH keeps wanting me to open my presents so I can share them with him. He makes very unsubtle hints, like "I really feel like some chocolate, I wonder where I can find some".
AIBU to think this is rude + that the decision to open + share my birthday food presents should be mine?
On my birthday itself, after a meal out + cake, I felt over full. I told him I was too stuffed to eat anything else. After the 3rd or 4th "hint" to open some treats, I told him that he was being rude to keep asking.
But he has just continued to make these hints all the time. We've eaten some, just not as much as he'd like. I even opened some of the boring chocs tonight, not because I really wanted any, just to shut him up.
I will open + share all my presents eventually. We have kids; no treat has been 100% mine ever since they were born! But I don't want to gorge on my presents like he seems desperate too. They are mostly my favourite chocs that I only get as presents. I want to savour them over a month or two. I've stashed most of them away to bring out gradually. He is being so blatent I'm not sure if I trust him not to just help himself.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 30/08/2023 15:53

DHs mom brought him a toblerone. I understood it was his. He did share and last night split the last four triangles with me. I wouldn't have thought to ask for some or just gone off and eaten it. Should I ltb?

ivfbabymomma1 · 30/08/2023 16:04

@SleepingStandingUp was that meant for me? 😂 I do share my stuff that's the whole point. I have a son & a DH who haven't asked to share my clothes yet but first time for everything 😂

I think your trying to be clever and make me see your point but unfortunately it didn't work

Inertia · 30/08/2023 16:15

YANBU.

Not everyone has the money in their household budget to just endlessly replace expensive chocolates bought as birthday treats. £25 for a box of Hotel Chocolat might be half a weekly food shop budget- all the ‘Jesus/FFS just let him trough the fancy chocolates then replace them’ should appreciate that that sentiment comes from a place of financial privilege.

Demanding a share of someone else’s birthday present isn’t ok. If you got a concert ticket, would you be happy to miss half of it so your husband could demand his share of Elton John?

He can buy his own chocolate. You can get chocolate in the weekly shop. He just doesn’t want you to have something special of your own.

My DH had form for this. It drives me especially crazy when he tells me not to order him any chocolate in the shopping as he’s on a diet, then he’ll ask when I’m opening my birthday chocolates. To be fair, we like different ones, so he just waits until only nutty ones are left.

A dear friend has allergies so any treats bought for her are very carefully checked and often more expensive. Her partner frequently scoffs them before she gets a look in. He’s an arsehole generally though.

thirdfiddle · 30/08/2023 16:42

This one is really divided isn't it!

It doesn't sound like OP will get any of her own gift if she gives her DH free reign. In our house, chocs you are gifted are /yours/. When the giftee chooses to open them they usually also offer them around, and if they don't someone else might say 'can I have one'. Depending on what/when/how they feel, they may continue to offer round till they're done or have more themselves.

We don't just buy and eat chocolates any time we fancy because that would make it not a treat. It's nice for some things to stay special. Otherwise your birthday would just be the same as any other day. Getting chocs because it's someone else's b'day is a nice bonus, not something to pester for.

In practice I don't like a lot of chocs, so will often give DC and DH free reign with things other people give me. But all the more likely to keep most of the few sorts I do like mostly to myself!

Iwantmyoldnameback · 30/08/2023 16:58

I think she should open when she wants but I do think she should share when it suits her. (I personally read the little card to people so they can choose leaving out my favourite flavours.
Still waiting to hear what chocolates they are though.

DysmalRadius · 30/08/2023 17:17

All those posting about sharing are missing the point. Sharing would be the OP offering her husband a chocolate when she opens them. She doesn't want to eat them yet and he does, so really he's just asking her to give them all to him.

FrangipaniBlue · 30/08/2023 17:36

DysmalRadius · 30/08/2023 17:17

All those posting about sharing are missing the point. Sharing would be the OP offering her husband a chocolate when she opens them. She doesn't want to eat them yet and he does, so really he's just asking her to give them all to him.

Exactly!!

mrsm43s · 30/08/2023 17:53

But OP has "a large selection of chocs and sweets", and her DH presumably has no chocs or sweets.

So why wouldn't she share a box or two with him? Why does she have to hold on to multiple boxes and control exactly when they are eaten? She knows he would like some, she has "a large selection" - let him have some! She shouldn't give him all of them - but some of her large collection - why on earth not?

pinkyredrose · 30/08/2023 18:03

mrsm43s · 30/08/2023 17:53

But OP has "a large selection of chocs and sweets", and her DH presumably has no chocs or sweets.

So why wouldn't she share a box or two with him? Why does she have to hold on to multiple boxes and control exactly when they are eaten? She knows he would like some, she has "a large selection" - let him have some! She shouldn't give him all of them - but some of her large collection - why on earth not?

Why can't he buy his own?

TheWayoftheLeaf · 30/08/2023 19:30

I'd just tell him they're my birthday present not his and if he wants chocolate he should bloody well go and get some.

However don't expect him to share on his birthday in return.

Staygoldponyboystaygold · 30/08/2023 20:01

Voted YABU as I can’t stand the word chocs!

SleepingStandingUp · 30/08/2023 20:14

mrsm43s · 30/08/2023 17:53

But OP has "a large selection of chocs and sweets", and her DH presumably has no chocs or sweets.

So why wouldn't she share a box or two with him? Why does she have to hold on to multiple boxes and control exactly when they are eaten? She knows he would like some, she has "a large selection" - let him have some! She shouldn't give him all of them - but some of her large collection - why on earth not?

Because they are HER gifts.

AvocadotoastORahouse · 30/08/2023 20:36

SunRainStorm · 30/08/2023 14:20

She should be able to enjoy her own gifts as and when.

Last Christmas I bought my cousin a box of very expensive handmade chocolates. For HER to enjoy. I had chosen her favourite flavours.

Her boyfriend didn't even wait until lunch was served before parking himself on the sofa with them and eating one after the other until they were gone. Not appearing to appreciate them at all, just ensuring they all went down his throat. Greedy pig.

Jeez I'd have been hard pressed not to snatch them off him and hand them back to your cousin. Who should have also told him off. What a selfish twat.

User7477 · 30/08/2023 20:54

🤣🤣🤣 i do wonder what chocolates they are and what chocolates cost £30 but I would definitely just share them id understand if it was something else you had got for your birthday like a laptop and he just wanted to use it all the time, but it's just chocolate 🤣 and he's hungry and feels like some that is quite cruel not to share them and leave him there hinting I hope he goes and buys something you really feel like and just sits there and eats it without sharing

SD1978 · 30/08/2023 22:29

Would there be an expectation if it was any consumable, that OP had to share, and that the present given to her, isn't actually hers, but a free for all for any other household member that wants it? Maybe when presents are given, husband or children should just shout 'mine' after the gift is received as to not share a present chosen for and given to OP is so confusing to some. Maybe actually what gift givers need to do is clarify what flavours/ types are preferred by all other family members, because as and when they want them, they take priority over OP anyway, so cut out the middleman and directly give it to the family member on the OP's birthday maybe? Will save the poor chocolate starved husband from having to ask........

SunRainStorm · 30/08/2023 22:41

@AvocadotoastORahouse

I was so tempted but didn't want to make a scene. Id never met him before and my cousin was there so she could have said something.

This year I'm giving her high end make up, so she can have her own gift this time.

She's still with him- inexplicably- and he's still a nasty prick. She's stunning and successful and could do so much better.

Hellostrawberries · 30/08/2023 22:48

Wouldn't be an issue in my house. Anyone in the family who's given chocolates would happily open them and share them. And we'd all have a couple, remark how nice they were, and move on. Honestly do people really find chocolate that exciting? It's literally just a food item that's sold everywhere and happens to taste very nice.

dontforgetme · 30/08/2023 22:50

So happy my oh doesn't really like chocolate Grin

welshdee · 30/08/2023 22:59

It's hard if one is greedy though.
If I opened chocolate and only wanted one my OH would simply eat everything left on his own. He'd think that was okay. So he'd get more of my gift than I would because I like to have them over more than one siting
Maybe this is why the OP doesn't want to open them?

TunnocksOrDeath · 30/08/2023 23:00

purplebluediscorain · 30/08/2023 08:37

Is what your holding onto the most expensive chocolate in the world? Can you not afford to treat yourself to a bit of chocolate at any other time? Me and my partner would usually just open and share i infact if it was either of us we’d allow the other to open and take a bit if wanted. It’s chocolate that surely isnt that that expensive

Maybe she has been given something like the Charbonnel & Walker rose & violet creams, (£40 for a 310g box), and was looking forward to savouring and appreciating a little at a time. Who knows? But the cost is not really the point. Demanding that someone shares their presents rather than waiting to be offered a choccy is just crass and entitled.

mrsm43s · 30/08/2023 23:37

SleepingStandingUp · 30/08/2023 20:14

Because they are HER gifts.

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But, what about when it's HIS salary. Expectation is that it's shared (without asking) no?

Cornishclio · 31/08/2023 00:08

Why doesn't he just go and buy some chocolate himself? That sounds annoying.

Purditnin · 31/08/2023 00:19

welshdee · 30/08/2023 22:59

It's hard if one is greedy though.
If I opened chocolate and only wanted one my OH would simply eat everything left on his own. He'd think that was okay. So he'd get more of my gift than I would because I like to have them over more than one siting
Maybe this is why the OP doesn't want to open them?

I find comments like this so interesting. Could you not just ask him not to do that?

SunRainStorm · 31/08/2023 00:24

No wonder half the country is overweight, people talking about access to someone else's chocolates like it's a human rights issue.

He's a grown up, he can't understand that something he wants isn't for him?

Purditnin · 31/08/2023 00:24

mrsm43s · 30/08/2023 23:37

But, what about when it's HIS salary. Expectation is that it's shared (without asking) no?

Show quote history

What a strange and toxic mindset you have.

Firstly, it’s 2023, so the likelihood is that they both earn and contribute salaries.

However, even if she were a SAHM, she’d be entitled to enjoy her presents herself, in her own time.

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