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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking OH is rude to keep asking me to open + share my b'day chocs?

202 replies

QualityStreeter · 30/08/2023 02:48

It was my birthday a few days ago + I was given a large selection of chocs + sweets. OH keeps wanting me to open my presents so I can share them with him. He makes very unsubtle hints, like "I really feel like some chocolate, I wonder where I can find some".
AIBU to think this is rude + that the decision to open + share my birthday food presents should be mine?
On my birthday itself, after a meal out + cake, I felt over full. I told him I was too stuffed to eat anything else. After the 3rd or 4th "hint" to open some treats, I told him that he was being rude to keep asking.
But he has just continued to make these hints all the time. We've eaten some, just not as much as he'd like. I even opened some of the boring chocs tonight, not because I really wanted any, just to shut him up.
I will open + share all my presents eventually. We have kids; no treat has been 100% mine ever since they were born! But I don't want to gorge on my presents like he seems desperate too. They are mostly my favourite chocs that I only get as presents. I want to savour them over a month or two. I've stashed most of them away to bring out gradually. He is being so blatent I'm not sure if I trust him not to just help himself.

OP posts:
BeachHutCornwall · 30/08/2023 12:37

I would just share with him, i don't see the problem

LemonLymanDotCom · 30/08/2023 12:37

Q: "I really feel like some chocolate, I wonder where I can find some"
A: The shop

frazzledasarock · 30/08/2023 12:41

LemonLymanDotCom · 30/08/2023 12:37

Q: "I really feel like some chocolate, I wonder where I can find some"
A: The shop

This.

Oysterbabe · 30/08/2023 12:41

Keep them well hidden and eat them all yourself in your own time. Buy him a pile of cheap crappy chocolates, give them to him and tell him to shut up about yours.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/08/2023 12:43

ivfbabymomma1 · 30/08/2023 10:06

.... it's only chocolate. Just share it. I wouldn't expect DH to ask me before opening them tbh?

So are you ok with him taking and using anything of yours even if it means you don't get to use it? Your clothes, your tech, the new book you've just brought, presumably if he takes them, renders then useless to you and doesn't replace them, that's ok?

SleepingStandingUp · 30/08/2023 12:49

watcherintherye · 30/08/2023 09:44

It’s difficult to comment, because your approach, which is obviously your prerogative, is so different to mine! If I get given chocolates, I regard them as a family thing to be shared, and will open them probably on the day, or soon after, even if I don’t want one myself. I also tell people to help themselves, as I think they’re doing me a favour by cutting down the number of chocs available for me to gorge on!

Not everyone feels the need to gorge on chocolate tho. I can happily make a box of fancy chocs last month's and I'm a fat woman who likes her food .

Thing is, personal presents aren't family things. Otherwise for Xmas everyone's presents would just be labelled "Watcher Family" and it wouldn't matter which presents you opened. And for birthdays it would be entirely fine to buy your partner something you want because it's all family presents anyway

TheYadaYada · 30/08/2023 12:50

SleepingStandingUp · 30/08/2023 12:37

Because she doesn't want one right now. So it isn't sharing is it? Opening them and basically handing them over to him isn't sharing.
If she also had a lovely cashmere jumper and tomorrow he's cold in the garden should she let him wear it because he thinks it looks cosy?

Show quote history

That’s a ludicrous comparison.

In our house, gifts of food, booze or confectionery are for sharing 🤷‍♀️

Cowlover89 · 30/08/2023 12:50

Ignore!! Thank fully my friends give me nutty chocolate and my partner is allergic to nuts Grin

Cowlover89 · 30/08/2023 12:51
Grin
TheBeesKnee · 30/08/2023 13:58

@QualityStreeter we need to know what kind of chocolates they were!!

I don't think I'd cope if it was all over a box of Quality Street 😂

SleepingStandingUp · 30/08/2023 14:07

TheYadaYada · 30/08/2023 12:50

That’s a ludicrous comparison.

In our house, gifts of food, booze or confectionery are for sharing 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Tbh if I'd brought you an expensive box of chocolates and the found out you'd let the kids devour them or a nice bottle of something and knew your DH had drunk ot all, I wouldn't be buying for you again.

AutumnCrow · 30/08/2023 14:09

boobot1 · 30/08/2023 08:20

In my house we dont ask, we just get, if they are there, they are to share.

Trouble with this philosophy is that in my house, I wouldn't ever get anything. I'm a very slow eater, and like to save some things for 'later' or 'next week'.

I'd end up with no chocolate, no biscuits, possibly sometimes no food at all if people could just 'get'. So I expect to be asked before it's all taken, particularly so if it's my stuff.

I don't mind being asked, though. But a no means no, and everyone's cool with that.

SunRainStorm · 30/08/2023 14:20

She should be able to enjoy her own gifts as and when.

Last Christmas I bought my cousin a box of very expensive handmade chocolates. For HER to enjoy. I had chosen her favourite flavours.

Her boyfriend didn't even wait until lunch was served before parking himself on the sofa with them and eating one after the other until they were gone. Not appearing to appreciate them at all, just ensuring they all went down his throat. Greedy pig.

amusedbush · 30/08/2023 14:36

SunRainStorm · 30/08/2023 14:20

She should be able to enjoy her own gifts as and when.

Last Christmas I bought my cousin a box of very expensive handmade chocolates. For HER to enjoy. I had chosen her favourite flavours.

Her boyfriend didn't even wait until lunch was served before parking himself on the sofa with them and eating one after the other until they were gone. Not appearing to appreciate them at all, just ensuring they all went down his throat. Greedy pig.

What a complete arsehole! Did anyone say anything to him about it?

Ohthatsabitshit · 30/08/2023 14:42

I’d just share them. I don’t get the angst at all. I honestly would find my partner saying could he have some of my chocolate such a strange thing to refuse. He’s your husband!

Greenpolkadot · 30/08/2023 14:48

Hide them somewhere obscure, then tell him you've eaten them

SleepingStandingUp · 30/08/2023 14:51

SunRainStorm · 30/08/2023 14:20

She should be able to enjoy her own gifts as and when.

Last Christmas I bought my cousin a box of very expensive handmade chocolates. For HER to enjoy. I had chosen her favourite flavours.

Her boyfriend didn't even wait until lunch was served before parking himself on the sofa with them and eating one after the other until they were gone. Not appearing to appreciate them at all, just ensuring they all went down his throat. Greedy pig.

Oh but that's ok because she LOVES him so he should be allowed anything of hers he wants according to this thread. And she should probably thank him for ensuring she didn't eat too much chocolate.

WarmButteryCrumpets · 30/08/2023 14:53

Tbh if I'd brought you an expensive box of chocolates and the found out you'd let the kids devour them or a nice bottle of something and knew your DH had drunk ot all, I wouldn't be buying for you again.

That seems a bit mean, especially if the sharing wasn't voluntary! If I know a greedy partner is going to be devouring the carefully chosen gift I give a friend, I'd just take them for a lunch or spa treatment or something.

ivfbabymomma1 · 30/08/2023 14:57

@SleepingStandingUp I don't see sharing some chocs with the family, the same as them using my clothes & tech until they are broken / damaged. We aren't animals and we have respect and boundaries. I don't see sharing chocs as an issue

Cherrysoup · 30/08/2023 14:57

I hate this ‘Oh well, in my house, we’d share’. It’s not your house, the OP wants to savour HER gift, not share. Should she also share the food on her plate, her favourite cashmere jumper, her special food if she’s on a diet/high protein stuff? I find the attitude on here of some posters very bizarre. It’s hers, why should she not be allowed to dictate what happens to her gift?

inloveandmarried · 30/08/2023 15:00

Fraaahnces · 30/08/2023 03:30

Out of sight, out of mind. I’d get the kids some crappy chocs and tell him they were all gone.

Just coming on to say this. Hide them

FamilyDiabolics · 30/08/2023 15:01

He's your husband. Can you really not just be honest and say you're saving them for when you fancy a treat and tell him to F off if necessary?

Tessisme · 30/08/2023 15:05

I hate this ‘Oh well, in my house, we’d share’. It’s not your house, the OP wants to savour HER gift, not share.

Yeah, but she did ask if she was BU. Some people, based on their own personal characteristics and experience, think she is. And some don't. Surely that's the whole point of AIBU? Only on a very rare occasion will you get 100% agreement.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 30/08/2023 15:08

Goodness, it wouldn’t occur to me not to open and share any gift chocs with dh! And he’d do the same.
There are a lot of meanies on here!

SleepingStandingUp · 30/08/2023 15:52

ivfbabymomma1 · 30/08/2023 14:57

@SleepingStandingUp I don't see sharing some chocs with the family, the same as them using my clothes & tech until they are broken / damaged. We aren't animals and we have respect and boundaries. I don't see sharing chocs as an issue

I think you're really selfish. If you really loved them, why stop at your chocolates brought as a gift being public property? Why so tight with your gifts??