Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking OH is rude to keep asking me to open + share my b'day chocs?

202 replies

QualityStreeter · 30/08/2023 02:48

It was my birthday a few days ago + I was given a large selection of chocs + sweets. OH keeps wanting me to open my presents so I can share them with him. He makes very unsubtle hints, like "I really feel like some chocolate, I wonder where I can find some".
AIBU to think this is rude + that the decision to open + share my birthday food presents should be mine?
On my birthday itself, after a meal out + cake, I felt over full. I told him I was too stuffed to eat anything else. After the 3rd or 4th "hint" to open some treats, I told him that he was being rude to keep asking.
But he has just continued to make these hints all the time. We've eaten some, just not as much as he'd like. I even opened some of the boring chocs tonight, not because I really wanted any, just to shut him up.
I will open + share all my presents eventually. We have kids; no treat has been 100% mine ever since they were born! But I don't want to gorge on my presents like he seems desperate too. They are mostly my favourite chocs that I only get as presents. I want to savour them over a month or two. I've stashed most of them away to bring out gradually. He is being so blatent I'm not sure if I trust him not to just help himself.

OP posts:
Glenthebattleostrich · 30/08/2023 08:59

So those saying just share them, when does the OP just get a treat just for her? They are OPs birthday present, not some biccies chucked into the basket in the weekly shop. They are a gift just for her.

In my house birthday treats are for the recipient not fair game for all. We often share but there is no pressure to do so. If DH wants some chocolate and the only things in the house are my treats then he behaves like an adult and goes to get his own because I'm not his Mummy, I'm a person of my very own. Same for me.

BygoneDays · 30/08/2023 09:01

Try and find some way to humiliate him in public. Then file for divorce.

Daleksatemyshed · 30/08/2023 09:01

I've no problem sharing but the hinting to open the chocolates would annoy me Op. Tell him adults wait to be offered, only children can't wait for sweets🤣

MarshyMcMarshFace · 30/08/2023 09:08

Tell him how you really feel.

Tell him about never having a treat to yourself, these are your favourites , savouring etc, and that his badgering is making you feel just like a drudged Mum once more , answering the constant demand if a nest of wide open beaks.

Tell him he is being really selfish and it is upsetting the joy of having received the presents.

Don’t make jokes or indulge in passive aggressive stunts so beloved of MN threads.

Just tell him honestly how it makes you feel.

LadyPenelope68 · 30/08/2023 09:08

Dontjudgeme101 · 30/08/2023 08:16

I totally agree with this!

Show quote history

Absolutely agree with both these comments. I’ve got some really lovely chocolates I was bought as a present, not the sort of thing I’d just go and buy myself. I’m saving them for me and having them when I want them, not sharing them with DH or teenagers. Everything doesn’t have to be shared.

ZadocPDederick · 30/08/2023 09:12

What happens when he is given anything like this? Does he share them?

Tinkerbyebye · 30/08/2023 09:14

Just tell him the longer he hints the less he gets

or when he starts tell him to go to the late shop

if he continues I wouldn’t be sharing, but eat them when he is not around

lemonyaid · 30/08/2023 09:15

Tell him to go and buy some then!

I hate it when people try to eat birthday gifts other people have been given. They've been bought for that person.

WarmButteryCrumpets · 30/08/2023 09:16

mumofboys8787 · 30/08/2023 04:02

What the hell?! Just let him eat the fecking chocolates you stingebag

Ooh we've found the posters who feel entitled to other people's birthday presents! I always wondered who the fuck would think this was ok

Janieforever · 30/08/2023 09:16

I’m guessing there is a signficant financial issue in that he can’t go and buy chocolates he wishes and you wish to make them last so long? I mean it’s just bloody chocolate.

AnIndianWoman · 30/08/2023 09:18

What brand is it?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/08/2023 09:19

YANBU

If it’s a present to you, it’s for you to decide when to open and eat them, and WHETHER to share.

Its a boundary like any other, even if it is “only” chocolate, and by nagging about it he’s disrespecting yours.

I agree that getting some cheap chocolate from family funds at the next shop is an idea.

Goldbar · 30/08/2023 09:19

I would hide them and tell him you've eaten all of them already. Then saviour them at your leisure.

If you're feeling kind, you can chuck him some cheap chocs for him to pig out on.

sandyhappypeople · 30/08/2023 09:20

All these people just saying let him have them.. it’s selfish to pester and scoff someone’s birthday present .. it’s NOT selfish to want to make it last as long as possible.

me and DH share our present chocolates, but we tend to only have one or two and leave them for the birthday person, we never ask each other to open them, as it’s theirs to enjoy when THEY want to, that’s literally the point of it!

Have you seen the price of nice chocolates now? Lindor and ferrero are about £10 a box! Even Malteser’s are £5 a box! You should keep some bars of chocolate in the ‘free for all’ box and stash the good stuff to be savoured at your leisure!

Shoxfordian · 30/08/2023 09:22

He sounds really selfish, is he always like this? How long have you been together?

WrylyAmused · 30/08/2023 09:23

I'm always surprised by the responses on these kinds of threads.

Most of MN is very pro-empowerment, saying no, holding boundaries etc.

But on this kind of thing, which is incredibly easily solved by the chocolate-wanting OH in question: "Oh, you want chocolate? Most corner shops, garages, supermarkets etc do it, sure you'll figure it out!", lots of people are "yes, being nagged to share birthday presents and use them in a way you don't want is fine because it's only chocolate, or solve his problem by buying him chocolate.

I agree, it's only chocolate. But also, if it's something special to OP and she wants to savour something nicer then she'd normally buy, gifted to her, then why on earth shouldn't she put herself and her wants first?

And if OH wants chocolate, whether nice or cheap, that's also fine, presumably he has both legs and small change and can easily solve that issue himself?!

LylaLee · 30/08/2023 09:27

EveryKneeShallBow · 30/08/2023 08:34

The trouble is, some people simply cannot have one or two and put them back until next time. I’ve had two in my life like this. My mother would open and eat an entire selection box, or her favourite, one of those trays of toffee with a hammer. My husband was the same. A whole chocolate cake in a couple of days. Whereas I often have it sitting in the cupboard for weeks. So I would definitely ration it out and hide the rest.

Cake is only fresh for a couple of days.

Who wants stale, week-old cake?

I suppose you can freeze some, but it never tastes the same afterwards.

It's different for chocolate. When I was a girl I would sometimes make my birthday chocolate last months.

pizzaHeart · 30/08/2023 09:29

How dare he is!!! Give him a Paddington stare even for asking and if not enough a promise of WW3
DO NOT SHARE.
It’s your present. He doesn’t share your make up, perfume or lingerie set which you get as presents so why should he share your chocolates?
Those who say: “it’s only chocolates, eat them and buy an another box” Have you seen how much e.g Hotel chocolate big selection boxes cost? Birthday is probably the only time when OP get something nice for herself. Not all of us can afford buying an expensive box just because her husband was hungry.
And I agree with PP who said don’t share with those who can eat Dairy milk, it’s absolute waste.

jannier · 30/08/2023 09:34

Speakerbox · 30/08/2023 08:10

Sorry op, I couldn’t be this precious about some chocolates. I’d just open them and tell him not to eat them all.

Also, you have excellent willpower to want save them to eat over a couple of months!

The way he's going on about them we know he's going to eat them all though don't we

jannier · 30/08/2023 09:34

Glenthebattleostrich · 30/08/2023 08:59

So those saying just share them, when does the OP just get a treat just for her? They are OPs birthday present, not some biccies chucked into the basket in the weekly shop. They are a gift just for her.

In my house birthday treats are for the recipient not fair game for all. We often share but there is no pressure to do so. If DH wants some chocolate and the only things in the house are my treats then he behaves like an adult and goes to get his own because I'm not his Mummy, I'm a person of my very own. Same for me.

This

travelogue · 30/08/2023 09:35

FGS he's just being unbelievably greedy and lazy. You don't have to give your gift to your DH. It's up to you when you open them, and you've already said you always share. Tell him you want to make them last and to respect your decision. Next time he drops hints just say "you know where the shops are". I can't believe some people think you should open and gorge on them just because it's what DH wants and that not doing that somehow makes you petty and selfish Hmm There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy these things over a period of time and not all at once, stick to your guns!

Massivedicks · 30/08/2023 09:41

I can't stand hinting. I'd deliberately miss the point and not share due to this.

If I was directly asked if he could have one, I'd open them and share!!

Hinting is horrifically annoying! I always ignore it

mrsm43s · 30/08/2023 09:41

Why the need to be so weird and controlling about some chocolates?

You have "a large selection of chocs + sweets" - just share some of them!

They sell chocolates year round!

watcherintherye · 30/08/2023 09:44

It’s difficult to comment, because your approach, which is obviously your prerogative, is so different to mine! If I get given chocolates, I regard them as a family thing to be shared, and will open them probably on the day, or soon after, even if I don’t want one myself. I also tell people to help themselves, as I think they’re doing me a favour by cutting down the number of chocs available for me to gorge on!

pizzaHeart · 30/08/2023 09:57

watcherintherye · 30/08/2023 09:44

It’s difficult to comment, because your approach, which is obviously your prerogative, is so different to mine! If I get given chocolates, I regard them as a family thing to be shared, and will open them probably on the day, or soon after, even if I don’t want one myself. I also tell people to help themselves, as I think they’re doing me a favour by cutting down the number of chocs available for me to gorge on!

Of course OP’s approach is different. You are obviously not a chocoholic plus for OP it’s a personal present. I’ve got a box of my favourite chocolates for Xmas and DD got set of bath bombs, we both could share if we wanted but only if.