Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking OH is rude to keep asking me to open + share my b'day chocs?

202 replies

QualityStreeter · 30/08/2023 02:48

It was my birthday a few days ago + I was given a large selection of chocs + sweets. OH keeps wanting me to open my presents so I can share them with him. He makes very unsubtle hints, like "I really feel like some chocolate, I wonder where I can find some".
AIBU to think this is rude + that the decision to open + share my birthday food presents should be mine?
On my birthday itself, after a meal out + cake, I felt over full. I told him I was too stuffed to eat anything else. After the 3rd or 4th "hint" to open some treats, I told him that he was being rude to keep asking.
But he has just continued to make these hints all the time. We've eaten some, just not as much as he'd like. I even opened some of the boring chocs tonight, not because I really wanted any, just to shut him up.
I will open + share all my presents eventually. We have kids; no treat has been 100% mine ever since they were born! But I don't want to gorge on my presents like he seems desperate too. They are mostly my favourite chocs that I only get as presents. I want to savour them over a month or two. I've stashed most of them away to bring out gradually. He is being so blatent I'm not sure if I trust him not to just help himself.

OP posts:
ManchesterLu · 31/08/2023 00:26

I will always share my birthday chocs with DP (and vice versa) but they only get opened when the person who they belong to fancies some, and they get put back away when that person is done.

Thementalloadisreal · 31/08/2023 00:26

If he wants chocolate, in the few days since your birthday, why hasn’t he just gone and got himself some dairy milk or whatever from the shops?

SleepingStandingUp · 31/08/2023 00:39

mrsm43s · 30/08/2023 23:37

But, what about when it's HIS salary. Expectation is that it's shared (without asking) no?

Show quote history

Well it entirely depends on their arrangements but that had sod all to do with this. DHs salary is his salary, I don't touch it and he pays what he's meant to pay. If he uses it to buy me chocolate as a GIFT, it's then MINE.

SleepingStandingUp · 31/08/2023 00:40

mrsm43s · 30/08/2023 17:53

But OP has "a large selection of chocs and sweets", and her DH presumably has no chocs or sweets.

So why wouldn't she share a box or two with him? Why does she have to hold on to multiple boxes and control exactly when they are eaten? She knows he would like some, she has "a large selection" - let him have some! She shouldn't give him all of them - but some of her large collection - why on earth not?

So when it's his birthday, op can buy him lots of boxes of chocolate and he doesn't have to share with anyone.

givingupchocolatemonday · 31/08/2023 01:07

Buy some chocolate from the shop that he can eat?
Add it onto your shopping list so he can have chocolate without eating yours?

I mean I love my chocolate but I would be quite baffled if my partner wouldn't share chocolate he got for his birthday. Especially if you have quite a few boxes which it sounds like you do.

Duckingella · 31/08/2023 01:43

HollieHobbie · 30/08/2023 04:28

The chocolates are her birthday presents why should she be forced to give away her presents just because someone else wants them? 😳😡

Completely agree.

If she was given underwear for her birthday should she let him wear her knickers?;you'd all say no that's ridiculous but it's the same principle;if they are gifted to her for her special occasion why should she share?

Globules · 31/08/2023 07:08

Why doesn't he Buy some chocolate from the shop that he can eat?
Why doesn't he Add it onto your his shopping list so he can have chocolate without eating yours?

I mean I love my chocolate but I would be quite baffled if my partner wouldn't share chocolate demanded I opened my present that I got for my he got for his birthday. Especially if you have I had quite a few boxes which it sounds like you do.I was looking forward to treating myself with over a long period on my timings, not his.

There we go @givingupchocolatemonday Fixed it for you.

Why does the OP have to fix it for the partner? Why is it HER problem to solve? Why do so many MN women insist that a problem with the man is the woman's problem to solve?!

FrangipaniBlue · 31/08/2023 07:11

DH and DS are the kind who will eat a full box of chocolates over a day or so once they are open, whereas I am the kind who will happily eat one or two now and again so they end up lasting several weeks.

I don't do it specifically to make them last, it's just that I don't have a particularly sweet tooth.

This inevitably means that family chocolates are gone in the blink of a eye; I get one or two and the rest of the box ends up eaten between DH and DS.

But NEITHER of them would ever a) ask me to open chocolates specifically given to me as a gift nor b) eat anything other than one or two when offered.

Because they are my gift and they are not completely selfish greedy pigs.

Tessisme · 31/08/2023 07:16

Oh FFS, the OP is not being 'forced' to share her chocolates. She has been asked, albeit in an annoying and persistent way, if she will be opening them any time soon. Some posters have asked what the big deal is and said they would just share them if it was them. Others have said she should scoff the lot because they're hers. Fair enough, but some of the outrage on here is jumping off the screen. The man's asking for some her chocolate, not a kidney. Actually maybe he'd have more success with the kidney😆

Sigmama · 31/08/2023 07:48

For the love of God just share them, its just chocolate

ShellySarah · 31/08/2023 07:49

Tessisme · 31/08/2023 07:16

Oh FFS, the OP is not being 'forced' to share her chocolates. She has been asked, albeit in an annoying and persistent way, if she will be opening them any time soon. Some posters have asked what the big deal is and said they would just share them if it was them. Others have said she should scoff the lot because they're hers. Fair enough, but some of the outrage on here is jumping off the screen. The man's asking for some her chocolate, not a kidney. Actually maybe he'd have more success with the kidney😆

Perhaps forced is too strong a word but it is pressure.

When I am asked something and I say no, I consider the matter closed.

How many times has the husband asked? Several. Why doesn't he just respect her wishes...she's said no and it's her property.

SleepingStandingUp · 31/08/2023 08:21

Duckingella · 31/08/2023 01:43

Completely agree.

If she was given underwear for her birthday should she let him wear her knickers?;you'd all say no that's ridiculous but it's the same principle;if they are gifted to her for her special occasion why should she share?

Show quote history

Exactly. Just because others wouldn't value chocolate as a gift particularly, would see it as just some generic present with little meaning, doesn't mean it's the same for everyone.

Mil bits me ferrero rocher every Christmas. She knows it's my favourite is her way of saying have a little treat that's just for you. I do share, but on my terms (kids bloody love them).
I always buy DH a Toblerone for special occasions. It's my special treat for him because usually the treats are child focused or what's on sale etc. So it's meaningful. He does share, but on his terms.
Because we're both adults with self control and respect.

If chocolates are just a random present or you can afford to keep buying Hotel Chocolat or other fancy chocolate, share away. But keep your fingers off mine.

TulipCat · 31/08/2023 08:29

It's a box of chocolates, not the crown jewels. They're meant to be shared. You choose when to get them out but no need for such drama.

Lovelydovey · 31/08/2023 08:39

In our house, chocolates received as a present belong to the recipient. They can choose when to open them - if opening when others are around, it is polite to share - especially if they are plentiful, but not required, especially if they are favourites.

Dillane · 31/08/2023 08:41

‘rude’? Give over 🙄

Honeyandwine · 31/08/2023 08:57

Unless it is something fancy like hotel chocolate then open them! Anything you don't want him to touch just hide.

tescocreditcard · 31/08/2023 09:01

If someone I loved fancied chocolate and I had some I'd be happy to give them some

Evaka · 31/08/2023 09:22

I find this post Billy Bonkers. Wouldn't you take pleasure in sharing something nice with your partner? And just buy more if you want them in a month's time?

Amispringy · 31/08/2023 09:47

It never ceases to amaze me what some MNers find to be "rude"

This is your DH. Don't you share things

phoenixrosehere · 31/08/2023 11:01

Unless it is something fancy like hotel chocolate then open them! Anything you don't want him to touch just hide.

The bar is pretty low if you have to hide your own birthday presents to stop your spouse from pestering you about them. It’s simple respect to leave someone’s gifts alone.

OP literally says the ones he’s after are her favourite chocolates that she only gets as presents and wants to savour them and she rarely gets to have anything for herself. Her DH obviously knows this but doesn’t care because he wants her to share them when HE wants them and is pestering her to the point that she doesn’t trust him not to eat them without her permission. He seemingly isn’t showing any interest in the other sweets yet is focused on the ones she favours most which makes his behaviour more off-putting imo.

They’re her gifts regardless of what they are and it is rude to pester someone about their own gifts. She knows that he would eat more than her given the choice which means her favourites wouldn’t last .

Some of you are obviously happy to share these sort of birthday gifts but you chose to do so and OP is choosing not to and neither is wrong. What is wrong is ignoring someone’s wishes about what they want to do with their own gifts and pressuring them into giving them to you because you want them and think they should share with you because of it.

OP’s gifts, OP gets to decide what she she does with them.

jannier · 31/08/2023 11:02

What's the point of buying anyone a gift that you know they really like if they are expected to just give it away because someone else fancies it?
If it were perfume would people be saying we'll have one squirt then give it to your daughter as she really likes it?

Codependantnomore · 31/08/2023 11:04

It’s bloody chocolate, you sound about 7. Ridiculous.

Tessisme · 31/08/2023 12:00

Evaka · 31/08/2023 09:22

I find this post Billy Bonkers. Wouldn't you take pleasure in sharing something nice with your partner? And just buy more if you want them in a month's time?

I agree. Half the fun for me is letting everyone pick out their favourite and we can all make annoying unmumsnetty yum noises in unison😆😆

frazzledasarock · 31/08/2023 12:14

He’s a grown ass man he can go buy himself chocolates if he’s so desperate for chocolates.

just because some posters give their chocolates too everyone in their household. Doesn’t mean everyone has to do the same.

OP doesn’t want to eat her chocolates yet. That’s fine. She may or may not share them with her greedy partner that’s fine too. Her gift to do with as she wants.

in our household everyone would go yum and leave the box to the recipient and it’s down to them to share or not. Sharing isn’t necessary.

SleepingStandingUp · 31/08/2023 12:30

Tessisme · 31/08/2023 12:00

I agree. Half the fun for me is letting everyone pick out their favourite and we can all make annoying unmumsnetty yum noises in unison😆😆

Show quote history

But not everyone can justify spending ££ on fancy chocolate every month