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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bad attitude after asking to use the loo in Costa? Pregnancy

334 replies

Mummatobe98 · 29/08/2023 21:37

I'm only about 12-13 weeks pregnant but need to wee a lot.

I went into a Costa store which I regularly buy coffee in and asked to use their loo. They declined . I said 'I'm pregnant' and the lady at the till reluctantly gave it to me, rolled her eyes and pulled a face at her colleague.

My partner felt like saying something

Am I wrong for asking to use the loo?

OP posts:
Beezknees · 29/08/2023 22:20

LollipopChaos · 29/08/2023 21:54

I would have just walked in and used toilet without asking staff. They can't keep tabs on every customer in the shop. I wouldn't feel bad as you were desperate and pregnant.

You can't in Costa, their toilets have a code that you have to type in, it's on the receipt when you buy something.

readbooksdrinktea · 29/08/2023 22:20

You can ask. They have the right to refuse non-customers. Your DP could have bought something while he waited for you.

FloweryName · 29/08/2023 22:21

I understand the desperation of an emergency wee, but your husband is a CF for wanting to ‘say something’ instead of buy something.

No reason why he couldn’t have queued to buy something while you went for a wee.

electriclight · 29/08/2023 22:21

kitsuneghost · 29/08/2023 22:17

I think a lot of people are being really mean to OP. There is a severe lack of toilets in the UK and we are expected to buy something every time you need to go. What even is the cheapest thing in Costa, about £2. So say you need 5 times on a day out you would be £10 in toilets. As for buying a coffee - that's really going to help.

Someone mentioned the council incentivising businesses to let people use the toilets. This is a great idea, I have never seen this.

But if they stop saying 'customers only' then each Costa toilet becomes a public convenience. Staff have to clean them. Paying customers have to queue behind people who haven't bought anything. It's just sensible business to say that they are for customers.

Beezknees · 29/08/2023 22:21

LollipopChaos · 29/08/2023 22:19

I remember when my child was 4 and desperate for toilet and the only place around was a supermarket and the man refused point blank to let my child use the toilet despite pleas that he would have an accident. In end had no choice but to use a bush outside the supermarket!

Huh? I've never been to a supermarket where the toilets are manned. Just walk in and go.

Messyhair321 · 29/08/2023 22:22

Yanbu.
There's an old law probably outdated but it goes back to when police officers had helmets, if a woman is I think over a certain amount pregnant she is to recite this law to the officer word for word, basically asking him if she can pee in his hat, he has to shield her with his cloak, & police officer has to let her.
So all you need is a police officer & that law 😂
Or at least that's what I was told, might be an urban myth. I've also never tried it out.

Tothemoonandbackx · 29/08/2023 22:23

Regularly get the bus drivers popping into our shop asking if they can use the toilet without using our services, do you know what I say.....'Yeah, no problem' and off they go and have a piss or shit, and do you know why I don't care, because it's a funking piss or shit. Jesus, it's a basic human right to be able to relieve yourself!!! Better than they alternative that they have to do it somewhere less discrete or hold it in.

Ghosttofu99 · 29/08/2023 22:23

Bingbangbongbash · 29/08/2023 21:47

Oh come on, this isn’t a small independent cafe, it’s a chain owned by coca-cola. It’s hardly going to matter to their bottom line if a few people use the loo without buying something. They even released a statement a few months ago after a similar incident, saying that staff should use their discretion especially regarding kids and pregnant women.

Of course you should be able to go to the toilet without spending money.

This.

It’s a shoddy state of affairs how few public facilities there are now. If you are lucky enough to be able bodied and can afford to buy something every time you need a wee out and about you should probably think twice about shouting ‘entitled.’

Original poster
Mummatobe98 · 29/08/2023 22:23

Messyhair321 · 29/08/2023 22:22

Yanbu.
There's an old law probably outdated but it goes back to when police officers had helmets, if a woman is I think over a certain amount pregnant she is to recite this law to the officer word for word, basically asking him if she can pee in his hat, he has to shield her with his cloak, & police officer has to let her.
So all you need is a police officer & that law 😂
Or at least that's what I was told, might be an urban myth. I've also never tried it out.

I've heard this before, think it's a myth but rather funny

OP posts:
HelenTudorFisk · 29/08/2023 22:23

It’s not making horrible comments to disagree with you.
YABU. Your husband could have bought something small. They’re not running a public toilet, they are for customers.

RicherThanYews · 29/08/2023 22:25

I have crohns and was at the stage where I would have had a terrible accident because both public toilets had been closed and I had to spend £10 on a burger I didn't want to get a code to use the loo. Their drinks were all in glasses so not an option 😩 I actually think YANBU op.

Toprepandhowmuch · 29/08/2023 22:27

I don’t think you were unreasonable to ask. But rather unreasonable to be surprised that they didn’t let you use it with good grace when you weren’t a customer.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 29/08/2023 22:27

It's ridiculous to have to go round begging to use business' loos. Public life is so broken!

Original poster
Mummatobe98 · 29/08/2023 22:28

widowtwankywashroom · 29/08/2023 21:54

Nobody is being horrible to you
You asked if you were unreasonable and are being told yes
You're coming across as quite petulant

I'm sorry you feel that way

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 29/08/2023 22:28

Mummatobe98 · 29/08/2023 21:50

Can we please now stop with the horrible comments, I'm not entitled . I go in there regularly to buy coffee etc but I was in a rush and desperately needed the loo

Show quote history

Not the end of the world.

I'm sure you've bought something more times than you've used their loo.

So they owed you one!

Stop worrying!

Original poster
Mummatobe98 · 29/08/2023 22:29

GlobetrottingPercy · 29/08/2023 21:57

I’m not sure that you can post in AIBU and then dictate that people are only allowed to post responses that you think are acceptable. None of these responses have been particularly harsh.

If there are no public toilets then you have to go somewhere (my town has removed them too) but I wouldn’t have said anything if I was you, I would have just gone. If you need a code to access them then I would have bought a small item to take away.

The one about me being skankish is definitely a horrible comment

OP posts:
Jifmicroliquid · 29/08/2023 22:29

I think I’d have bought a bottled drink or something. Then you are a paying customer and there would have been no issue.
Saying that, I used to work in coffee shops as a student and I’d have let a pregnant lady come in and use the loo regardless. I have water problems so I tend to lean towards sympathetic with loo usage.

I was told off by the headteacher for letting a kid go to the toilet during a class observation. It was the one rule I hated because I know how horrible it is when you desperately need the toilet and can’t go.
I didn’t let’s kids go together, but if someone asked in a lesson, I’d always let them nip out.

kitsuneghost · 29/08/2023 22:30

Highdaysandholidays1 · 29/08/2023 22:27

It's ridiculous to have to go round begging to use business' loos. Public life is so broken!

Absolutely
They're busy introducing ULEZ zones and then there is me that WANTS to walk to town but can't because there is no public toilets and I can't just nip into pub and use 1 sheet of precious toilet paper.

DappledThings · 29/08/2023 22:30

I don't think twice about using toilets of any chain without buying anything. Independent then yes I'd ask or wait till I was a customer. Costa/Starbucks/McDonald's etc are all fair game as far as I'm concerned.

But regardless of that you're never unreasonable to ask. I don't get that at all. They can always say no. I get people thinking it's rude or entitled or whatever to just go but I don't get anyone thinking asking is itself rude.

Middleagedmeangirls · 29/08/2023 22:31

I am recovering from bowel surgery which necessitates some fairly urgent trips to the loo. I buy something if I want to use one intended for customer use. My health issues are not their problem.

moomoosaka · 29/08/2023 22:31

If it happens again start with I'm really sorry but I'm pregnant and desperate for a wee - can I just go first then I'll buy a packet of crisps

Original poster
Mummatobe98 · 29/08/2023 22:31

PurBal · 29/08/2023 21:59

I wanted to add that I do understand @Mummatobe98 I’ve been there. Two babies and now postpartum with a bladder that doesn’t work properly (under investigation). In the third trimester making it to the loo at all was a feat. I empathise but people who haven’t had the experience of wetting themselves in public understandably assume we’re being difficult. I agree with PP about lack of public toilets. No idea what the solution is. After the first time I badly wet myself (I leaked for the entirety of my pregnancies due hormones and pressure so I had to use pads and change underwear up to three times a day) I used to lay it on a bit more. “I am really sorry to ask, but I’m pregnant and desperate. I’ve already wet myself a little bit, would it be possible to use your loo to finish and clean myself up?” (Totally true, but probably more information than a barista needs).

It's so tricky and not pleasant, I hope you get the bladder issue sorted as it's so embarrassing and inconvenient. Best of luck Smile

OP posts:
Gnomegnomegnome · 29/08/2023 22:32

I don’t think that you were unreasonable to ask but I also don’t think that their response was unreasonable either.

Your Dh ‘saying something’ wouldn’t have helped anyway. They let you use it so all is good.

Original poster
Mummatobe98 · 29/08/2023 22:32

Winnipeggy · 29/08/2023 22:02

Why is everyone being such a dick on this thread? Pregnancy bladder is a killer and I thought one of the few perks is that pregnant women were allowed to wee in any establishment? Or is that an old wives tale?

Either way, stop being knobs, it's a wee.

I agree , thank you

OP posts:
moomoosaka · 29/08/2023 22:32

Mummatobe98 · 29/08/2023 22:29

The one about me being skankish is definitely a horrible comment

Show quote history

Don't repeat it! Just report it