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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bad attitude after asking to use the loo in Costa? Pregnancy

334 replies

Mummatobe98 · 29/08/2023 21:37

I'm only about 12-13 weeks pregnant but need to wee a lot.

I went into a Costa store which I regularly buy coffee in and asked to use their loo. They declined . I said 'I'm pregnant' and the lady at the till reluctantly gave it to me, rolled her eyes and pulled a face at her colleague.

My partner felt like saying something

Am I wrong for asking to use the loo?

OP posts:
Thewizardbinbag · 29/08/2023 21:47

It’s called the “loo leash.”

A lack of public toilets affects women more than it affects men, therefore it is not a priority in town planning.

melj1213 · 29/08/2023 21:48

YABU - cafe toilets are for patrons of the cafe. It doesn't matter whether you have been a patron in the past or will be a patron in the future if you're not currently purchasing anything they have zero obligation to let you use their facilities. Especially so early in your pregnancy when you won't be showing at all they probably just thought you were trying it on because they had said no.

You could have gone to the counter with anything, even just a bottle of water to stick in your bag, and then that would have made you a customer and eligible to use the facilities. Even if you'd originally led with "Sorry, I'm pregnant and really need the loo, can I have the key now and pay for this water when I come back out please?" Or at least when they'd said no initially followed up with "Ok I will buy something but I am pregnant and need the loo now, can I pay when I come out?" They'd probably have been more accommodating.

TryingToBeFirstDatesFredButNot · 29/08/2023 21:48

Isn't there an ancient law that a policeman must let a pregnant lady use his helmet for a wee or something?!

If so, I'm sure Costa can stretch to letting you use theirs.

ActDottie · 29/08/2023 21:49

The loos are for customers. You weren’t s customer in this instance.

Original poster
Mummatobe98 · 29/08/2023 21:50

trampoline123 · 29/08/2023 21:46

Entitled much. You could have bought something.

Can we please now stop with the horrible comments, I'm not entitled . I go in there regularly to buy coffee etc but I was in a rush and desperately needed the loo

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 29/08/2023 21:50

Yes

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/08/2023 21:51

I would probably have just bought something - like a biscuit and taken it home, or whatever.

But there aren’t enough public toilets these days, I agree.

Mrburnshound · 29/08/2023 21:52

I have IBS so know the need. I usually say ill get something after and buy a biscuit

LollipopChaos · 29/08/2023 21:52

Is this in UK? Aren't the toilets just open to use for anyone?

SD1978 · 29/08/2023 21:53

I'd have bought something cheap. It's a customer toilet. Whether sh eye rolled you at not is inconsequential, as that's a perception. You got what you wanted and used the toilet. Not sure what your partner wants to complain about. Toilet that's only for customers, was used by lady not obviously pregnant after saying she was and them giving you the code? And if you use the place regularly, if he wants to get arsey I'm sure you probably won't after that!

IfYouDontAsk · 29/08/2023 21:53

I think you were fine to ask but they were also fine to say no. In this situation I’d always say “I’m really desperate for the loo, do you mind if I use your loo and I’ll buy a bottle of water when I come out?” And I do always buy something afterwards. To be honest I wouldn’t dream of using a business’s loo without offering to buy something; it’s not as though you have to spend a lot of money- it could be a bottle of water, a chocolate bar or a biscuit. Lots of people don’t leave public loos in a nice state so they have to factor in staff time spent keeping the loos clean.

LollipopChaos · 29/08/2023 21:54

I would have just walked in and used toilet without asking staff. They can't keep tabs on every customer in the shop. I wouldn't feel bad as you were desperate and pregnant.

Switcher · 29/08/2023 21:54

I just use them, I don't ask. I mostly buy something, but sometimes I don't. In small independent shops I always buy something. In principle you always should, theyre a business that has to pay for the facilities.

widowtwankywashroom · 29/08/2023 21:54

Nobody is being horrible to you
You asked if you were unreasonable and are being told yes
You're coming across as quite petulant

melj1213 · 29/08/2023 21:56

LollipopChaos · 29/08/2023 21:54

I would have just walked in and used toilet without asking staff. They can't keep tabs on every customer in the shop. I wouldn't feel bad as you were desperate and pregnant.

Which is why most businesses, especially chains, now have a keycode that is printed on your receipt, or make you show your receipt when asking for the key, to access the toilets, because of the entitlement of people who haven't bought anything expecting to be able to use their facilities for free.

Patchesofdrizzle · 29/08/2023 21:57

When I was pregnant I used to go into pubs to use the loo - usually would say to the bar staff that I was just going to the loo, never had one refuse, never bought a drink for the pleasure.

I'm glad they let you use the loo, but the staff shouldn't have been arsey about it after they'd agreed.

I suggest in future saying that you're pregnant and need to go to the toilet right away. And find out where the handiest ones are in your local area- shopping centres, pubs , cafes etc. And I don't agree at all that you should be expected to buy something to use the toilet in a cafe or pub, society should support pregnant women a lot more.

GlobetrottingPercy · 29/08/2023 21:57

I’m not sure that you can post in AIBU and then dictate that people are only allowed to post responses that you think are acceptable. None of these responses have been particularly harsh.

If there are no public toilets then you have to go somewhere (my town has removed them too) but I wouldn’t have said anything if I was you, I would have just gone. If you need a code to access them then I would have bought a small item to take away.

PurBal · 29/08/2023 21:59

I wanted to add that I do understand @Mummatobe98 I’ve been there. Two babies and now postpartum with a bladder that doesn’t work properly (under investigation). In the third trimester making it to the loo at all was a feat. I empathise but people who haven’t had the experience of wetting themselves in public understandably assume we’re being difficult. I agree with PP about lack of public toilets. No idea what the solution is. After the first time I badly wet myself (I leaked for the entirety of my pregnancies due hormones and pressure so I had to use pads and change underwear up to three times a day) I used to lay it on a bit more. “I am really sorry to ask, but I’m pregnant and desperate. I’ve already wet myself a little bit, would it be possible to use your loo to finish and clean myself up?” (Totally true, but probably more information than a barista needs).

gamerchick · 29/08/2023 22:00

Next time just buy something first OP. It's not a huge deal.

melj1213 · 29/08/2023 22:00

And I don't agree at all that you should be expected to buy something to use the toilet in a cafe or pub, society should support pregnant women a lot more.

Why should private businesses have to provide facilities for free to people who aren't supporting their business? They have to pay for the upkeep and the staff have to clean them so the least you can do is pay for something to cover that - especially considering the state many people leave toilets in public places.

Would you be happy for every Tom, Dick and Harry to knock on your door and demand access to your toilet for nothing?

SunWorshipping · 29/08/2023 22:01

Why didn't you buy something and then use the loo, no need to tell everyone you are with child. Have a few more kids and your bladder will be 12 weeks pregnant permanently!

Clymene · 29/08/2023 22:01

Many restaurants have a code printed on your till receipt that you need to use the toilets.

It's generally not to stop random people having a wee, it's to stop people shooting up.

Winnipeggy · 29/08/2023 22:02

Why is everyone being such a dick on this thread? Pregnancy bladder is a killer and I thought one of the few perks is that pregnant women were allowed to wee in any establishment? Or is that an old wives tale?

Either way, stop being knobs, it's a wee.

Peajee · 29/08/2023 22:03

Seriously, some folk on here need to get a grip. It's not that big a deal to ask to use a toilet somewhere. I worked in hospitality for years and would never have had any issue allowing a pregnant woman, or anyone elderly or vulnerable, to use the toilet if they needed it. It's not as if it's a coach load of tourists trying to use them (which I had).

OP, they were probably just rolling your eyes as they maybe thought you were just saying you were pregnant. If you go in a lot they're going to see you're obviously pregnancy eventually anyway. I would just move on from it.

Missingmyusername · 29/08/2023 22:04

I would’ve bought a cookie or bottle of water. You can’t help needing the loo but staff are probably told not to let non paying people use the facilities. I’d let it go.