After school won’t let my teenage daughter pick up my son in an emergency

[Fuknstuck]

I’m sick, running a fever, I’m dizzy and fluid is streaming out both ends. I am also disabled so this has a knock on effect on my mobility. It just came on 2 hours ago, there’s no way I can leave the toilet let alone drive one street safely.

I called after school care to request my 14 almost 15 year old daughter to pick up my 6 year old son and bring him home, one street away and they’re refusing because she’s a minor. I explained there is nobody able to help me - neighbours all at work, only one who isn’t is 93 and dying of cancer, my parents live 300 miles away and my partner is working in intensive care and can’t just up and leave. I dont have friends who use the after care.

They are refusing to allow my daughter to pick him up. They know her, they know she’s mature and responsible but won’t let her bring him the one street from school to our home. I’ve asked what I’m supposed to do. It’s the first time I’ve ever asked them to do this and they know it’s an emergency and they’re refusing. I’ve asked how we resolve this as they can’t keep him overnight and I literally cannot get to the school.

AIBU to expect in an emergency situation where the parent trusts the teenage child and accepts all liability, that they should allow her to pick him up?

It's ridiculous because during Covid if you found you had Covid they would'nt want you on school property so they would've used common sense and sent home with a sensible sibling. Don't know why they couldn't do the same in this case.

"Couldn't get insurance to release a child to an under 16."

So are all these multitudes of as clubs mentioned on here that allow sibling pickups just crossing their fingers? This seems highly unlikely.

Exactly, it’s a fucking nonsense!

I hate people who say "fucking jobsworth".

I appreciate that this was a massive inconvenience to the op and I don't really agree with the policy in principle. But when someone works at an establishment they have to abide by the rules that their employer sets in place, it doesn't make them a fucking jobsworth it means that they will most likely have to answer to powers higher above them.

Op put in a complaint in an email, they may look at changing their policy with a parents verbal consent

World’s gone mad.

https://young.scot/campaigns/young-carers/

Also, often a taxi driver will be allowed to pick the child up. If this happens again. They need to be registered and have their badge ID with them

Have a look on Facebook if you're on there. Our local YC have a Facebook group.

You poor thing. Im so annoyed on your behalf. I hope you feel much better quickly and get a good nights rest. This manager character sounds like a fool. Policies need to be understood by intelligent people and work in the best interest of the people they are designed to protect. He was only able to think of himself and probably enjoyed the excitement and drama.
I would not use this club again. I couldn’t possibly give them my money.
get well soon!

My dds school are quite lax on who picks her up if it's after school sports club or normal end of school. Her 25 year old brother picks her up ( he never went to her school) but have never confronted him for ID either.

She is in year three and there's nothing stopping her from walking home at 3pm so I don't get the logic with pick ups. So in your case I'd be cheesed off as safeguarding doesn't apply at 3pm but does after 4.20pm which is a nonsense to me

I understand your frustrations OP, this must have been very stressful. However surely you must understand that this person is just following the policy that probably is not written by them? Saying he is just flexing his muscles is really rude and disrespectful. And saying a randomer off the street could collect your DC if you give them the password is really daft as it is reasonable that the club would assume no parent would be stupid enough to do this.

This was a stressful situation made worse by a stupid policy - but you are definitely blaming the wrong person!

Thank you so much for this! I did google
but my brain isn’t thinking straight today.

This happened to a girl at my daughter’s school too (age 16). She needed to pick her cousin up for 5 days (her gran usually did it but was having an operation) while her aunt was ill with cancer. A right faff. Yet another girl in her year had a baby of her own!!! Craziness.

He had the ability to turn a blind eye. He could have asked for me to confirm in writing that I gave permission for them to release to my daughter and assumed full responsibility and liability for anything from that point on. I called early enough to allow him to find a resolution to the problem and he refused.

His policies are just that, policies. He is top of the food chain in his company. He runs the company, he refused to give me the names of anyone above him (the directors he said were the only ones above him) as he is the manager, so yes he was flexing. He had the power to say just this once given the impossibility of the circumstances I’ll allow your daughter that I accept is sensible and mature to take your son the 300m walk from school to home but he didn’t. He didn’t help offer any sensible solutions he just said not my problem.

He did ask if a neighbour or a parent of another child could pick him up. That would be no different to me stopping a stranger in the street because my son doesn’t know them from Adam. We teach our kids not to go off with strangers who say your mum says I’ve to take you home, so while it’s something no one in their right mind would do, that was the only solution he would suggest was to get a stranger to our family to go instead of my daughter.

The man was rude and disrespectful and more than a bit ignorant of the realities of living with a disability and as it turns out covid too (which always makes my disability worse btw). I was desperate and panicking and needed someone helpful with workable solutions. He was not that person.

I don't know if you already found a solution, but alternatively, if you know one of the other parents who pick up their children at the same time as your son, you could arrange that the school releases your child to them and once he is out of the school your teenage daughter can take him home as planned.

I would have wanted to drag myself in and shit in his shoe, then barfed on him for good measure.

Jesus, I remember walking the close to school 5 yos home from school in the afternoon as a 9 yo. Not related to them it was one of the assigned jobs that kids got like putting up the flag or wiping down the lunch tables. Granted I’m apparently a dinosaur 🦕 now but even the 90’s we let older siblings pick up little ones from the after school program I worked at.

Indeed.

In 20 years of running playschemes, holiday clubs and after school care not once did they come up in insurance.

Also with Ofsted they were always happy with out policy of named person pick up and an extra password if a new person was collecting. They were also happy with a signed form from the parent stating that a child was to walk home alone if that’s what the parent chose.

These policies make life easier for settings.

If I were in your position, I'd definitely contact/ complain to the school/LA about the distress your son suffered due to this guy's intransigence and lack of compassion. Let the company directors get some flack for employing him and having such inflexible policies.

Don't take him out of the current child care arrangement unless it suits you. Do complain in writing to the school ( yes, I know it's someone else who runs it but they will have a vested interest in making it compliant) . Complain to the head of the company, and to anyone else you can think of - this does look like discrimination. Ask them to confirm what they would have done had DP not been able to leave ICU, ask them to show their written policy and their risk assessment, which should cover what they need to do in the event of a parent not being able to pick up. Ask them to justify the reasonableness of the policy ( the complete inflexibility would suggest it's not actually reasonable). I would really kick up a big stink about this.

His policies are just that, policies. He is top of the food chain in his company. He runs the company, he refused to give me the names of anyone above him (the directors he said were the only ones above him) as he is the manager, so yes he was flexing. He had the power to say just this once given the impossibility of the circumstances I’ll allow your daughter that I accept is sensible and mature to take your son the 300m walk from school to home but he didn’t. He didn’t help offer any sensible solutions he just said not my problem.

he cannot just rurn a blind eye though because records are kept, so he would have to falsify a record over who collected the child.
Although I completely agree that I don't think the policy is workable. By sending a child there you agree to their t's and c's

I find it crazy there os not one single parent in your child's class who couldn't help you out.

That’s a bugger.

I wonder what your DH’s work’s policy is currently on staff who may have/have been exposed to COVID.

Regardless - clutch your DS close, breathe all over him, then keep him off school and send him to after school club to infect the jobsworths.

Well, not really, but hopefully the idea will cheer you up.

If he tests negative then he has to go in. They all wear masks anyway he says. We all had it less than 8 weeks ago but I have little to no immune system so I will just keep in getting it until it gets me. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

Ridiculous rule. I know my friends daughter was picking up her younger brother from primary school when she went to the big school across the road in year 7. So she would finish and rush there to collect him. Never an issue. Year 7s are young too aren't they. I thought this was one of those things where it is the parens decision in the end.

In my local authority when I was in secondary school, the rule was that no under 18s can phone in sick for a child or collect them, an over 18 sibling only could if they are named as an emergency contact. Exception made for teenage parents of primary school children due to having PR.

I’m so sorry this happened. If it is literally one street away, I’m disappointed one of them didn’t just walk him round. It was obviously an emergency.

All the after school staff I’ve ever had dealings with would have helped out.

If that's the rule it's the rule. But I agree just let them deal with it.