After school won’t let my teenage daughter pick up my son in an emergency

[Fuknstuck]

I’m sick, running a fever, I’m dizzy and fluid is streaming out both ends. I am also disabled so this has a knock on effect on my mobility. It just came on 2 hours ago, there’s no way I can leave the toilet let alone drive one street safely.

I called after school care to request my 14 almost 15 year old daughter to pick up my 6 year old son and bring him home, one street away and they’re refusing because she’s a minor. I explained there is nobody able to help me - neighbours all at work, only one who isn’t is 93 and dying of cancer, my parents live 300 miles away and my partner is working in intensive care and can’t just up and leave. I dont have friends who use the after care.

They are refusing to allow my daughter to pick him up. They know her, they know she’s mature and responsible but won’t let her bring him the one street from school to our home. I’ve asked what I’m supposed to do. It’s the first time I’ve ever asked them to do this and they know it’s an emergency and they’re refusing. I’ve asked how we resolve this as they can’t keep him overnight and I literally cannot get to the school.

AIBU to expect in an emergency situation where the parent trusts the teenage child and accepts all liability, that they should allow her to pick him up?

Did you get your antivirals? A friend with immfnisuppression had this, after the first antivirals she was positive again it was probably the same infection. The second batch of antivirals knocked it out. So definitely go back and tell them you only just had it too.

Ridiculous. Teenagers can collect siblings in our school.

Ridiculous. Teenagers can collect siblings in our school.

It's not a school!!

I’m sorry for your struggle, OP. Let’s hope your DH doesn’t get ill as well, so he can look after you and the kids.

Do you really not know/have the number of a single other parent of asc?

Have you actively tried to avoid contact with other adults in the school community?

I just do not know how you get through even the first year of school without knowing every single parent.

I have the phone numbers of literally every child's in my DC's class's parents and he is only y1. If I was in your situation I'd message the PTA rep, who'd get a message to every single class in school asking if any parent could drop the kid home. There'd be easily 3 offers within 10 minutes.

Maybe this year try and speak to other parents so you've got more options in a crisis?

As you are in Scotland I'd suggest contacting the Care Inspectorate for advice.

We run a Scottish after school business, and although this hasn't come up the topic of children leaving unaccompanied has and we allow this for older children (p6/7) provided we have signed permission from the parents. We've run that by the Care Inspectorate in the past and they were happy with it.

Generally the CI are actually pretty helpful and will be able to advise if there's anything that would block this from their side.

As unfortunate as it seems, the people who work there cannot put the owners at risk. They probably have been advised of potential liability issues surrounding releasing children to minors , and in this case it would be a mirror child whose name and relationship do not appear on any release forms.

We live in a litigious society. It is unreasonable to expect the employees to put their jobs and property at risk when there is a protocol in place . Calling social services may not be what the OP wants to happen, but it is a way to protect all involved.

What it demonstrates is the importance of having a plan B in place. Obviously, you cannot anticipate every possible occurrence, but what you know with certainty is that when something happens without a plan B in place, you are at the mercy of whatever system has control.

Ridiculous! I used to drop off and pick up my sibling from primary school when I was at college (on the same hill) when my parents had to work. I went to the same primary school many moons before so they knew me and my parents had said I would be doing it so there was no problem. I wasn't the only one either!

I think not releasing the child to the parent or someone you know is authorised by the parent possibly is a criminal offence actually.

@ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen
When you were in college , you were probably legally an adult. Depending upon age liability in these situations may not have been as well articulated as it today.

These concerns do not grow out of an owners desire to be unkind or unhelpful. They are in place because insurance providers and lawyers have appraised the owners of the potential for liability. In some instances business owners cannot get insurance if they fail to comply with liability mitigating requirements.

They aren't putting the owners at risk. There is no law stating that children can only be released to people over 16 and no lawyer would have advised them that they could have liability issues. If they made sure the parents authorised it any liability would be on the parent. Also, a 16 year old is a minor anyway.

Why do you think they are following advise of insurers and lawyers? Given this policy is certainly not universal and lawyers on this thread have said it is not correct I think it unlikely.

I can assure you I offered to the woman in the office during my first phone call of many, to put in writing a letter saying that for this one time I authorised my daughter to pick up my son and that I would accept full liability for anything that happened from the moment he stepped out of the building. I offered to first send over a photograph and then have my daughter deliver the same letter in person to the manager. That would not have invalidated any strange unlikely insurance clause that may have existed. The manager accepted eventually that this was a company policy and not a legislative requirement after initially trying to claim it was the law. Something I already knew based on my years having trained in law.

i get he may have been covering his back and he allegedly did check with the company directors who refused in this instance to allow it.

No I don’t. None of his class mates attend and I wasn’t aware of a class whatsapp as I don’t have WhatsApp. As I said upthread. I intend to change this if one exists.

i haven’t been available to meet parents in the playground so I don’t know any and none live in the same part of town as us, it’s all older folk here.

I don’t know why, given how many parents have to work, people are surprised at parents not knowing every phone number of every parent in the class. I don’t even know who is on the pta let alone have contact details for a rep. I even checked all the school emails from the past year, after you saying that, to see if that info was ever given out and it wasn’t.

@Mari9999 I was 16, but I did this regularly - not as a one-off emergency as this case was. Nor was I the only older sibling, or the youngest. On the off-chance I couldn't because I had a revision session or early/late class my younger sibling would do it instead and they were 14. Of course my parents did it if they could, if they couldn't it was me, if they couldn't find anyone else to do it, it was the next kid down. It wasn't ideal but the best option available. It was never a problem.

I’m waiting to hear back from the specialist dr to see if I can have them so close together. I asked a GP friend who said it’s unlikely to be rebound infection as it’s been 8 weeks since the last and that there are two newer versions going around meaning it’s likely to be the one I didn’t get in July.

They have a policy they don't do it just to annoy parents

Just tell them that your teenager is a carer and has your permission. They could of course be parent themselves at that age.

Of they dint allow her to pick up say that's very kind of you to offer to bring my child home thank you very much

I think with your permission that should have been fine, especially in your circumstances. But with a no and no parent to help I would have sent the teenager in a taxi and given the taxi driver's name. Both go in to collect. Or after school club then collection by relative or friend.

They do seem unecessarily inflexible, especially as teenagers are allowed to babysit. When I relied on afterschool childcare, if my partner or I could not get back in time to pick up our daugher, one of the staff would drop her with my neighbour on their way home.

Noone is saying the policy is done to annoy parents. That isn't why it is being criticized.

@WomblingTree86
Why exactly do you think regulations are in place . if governing release of the children. Every pre and elementary school that my children attended required a signed form upon enrollment naming the person or persons allowed to pick up children and indicating that person's relationship to the child.

Schools and businesses are not in the practice of establishing policies for purposes of alienating their . clients. The OP should ask why that policy is in place..

If she thinks this is an arbitrary policy, she should call around to find a school where that is not the policy.

Why exactly do you think these are "regulations" rather than some arbitary "rule" the nursery have decided on. The fact that they are all doing different things (as evidenced by the fact that your school would apparently only release children to somebody on a side form at enrolment whereas this nursery will give the child to any random over the age of 16) demonstrates it isn’t a regulation.

Your response that they're not doing it to alienate parents is ridiculous because no one is suggesting that. However, while it is sensible to have rules or guidelines to protect children, sticking to them rigidly and not using common sense as in this case could actually harm rather than ensure the safety of the children they are meant to be looking after. I think if it had come to the situation where the social services or the police had to be involved because the club refused to release child to a perfectly sensible teenager sibling who they knew had been authorised by the parent (who was sick with COVID) to walk a very short distance home with them they would have taken a dim view of the club.

If she thinks this is an arbitrary policy, she should call around to find a school where that is not the policy.

There is plenty of evidence on here that it is not the policy of every school. When you say elementary school do you mean primary school age 5 to 11 btw? Definitely not the policy that children at primary school can only be released to people named on a signed form and many over the age of 9 walk home themselves.

@WomblingTree86
If there are so many nurseries in you area where this not internal regulation or policy then the OP should have no trouble find an institution consistent with her view of security..