MIL babywearing

[Carrotcake93]

MIL is coming tomorrow to pick up my DD (11 weeks) to her home to spend the day with her. It's the first time I will leave her with someone other than DP.

From the beginning I made it clear to MIL that as long as DD was a baby she wouldn't stay with anyone else, and she respected that. A few days ago she offered to take care of DD and hinted that my DP and I need a little rest and quality time for ourselves. She was right tbf, and precisely because she has kept her distance is what convinced me. I told her that she could have DD all day at her house but no sleeping there for now. Well, on the same day she decided to buy a crib, which I can understand, since it's better for DD to nap there than in a bed. But today she has also texted me saying that she has bought a baby carrier, without asking me if I agree to her using it. All this after telling me today to don't worry about express milk, that she has a bottle of formula at home when she knows that I exclusively BF. I have spoken to DP who agrees with me and will speak to her first. But I need you to tell me if AIBU, since my FTM brain won't let me think straight.

I love how easy it is on Mumsnet to twist a comment. If DP would like to use the baby carrier I would never object, but he prefers the stroller since adjusting it to size can be very annoying for both of us. And my fear for someone else using the carrier isn't just based on falling, I'm also worried about poor posture or suffocation. In any case, I will not oppose if the situation arises that DP wants to carry DD😂

Sorry, why is she going there at 11 weeks old? So this woman can play mummies again? I’d cancel. She’s going to do her own thing and you’ll probably find that immensely stressful.

And my fear for someone else using the carrier isn't just based on falling, I'm also worried about poor posture or suffocation.

That isn’t making you sound any more rational.

Now you're worried about the size of your MIL's breasts?

Come on now.

Some of the comments on here are ridiculous. The baby is literally going to spend a day with a loving grandparent who has bought things.. crib/carrier to make the experience easier for her and make the baby more comfortable. The OP could simply ask the MIL to give the expressed milk. I doubt very much that the MIL has a secret Vendetta to sabotage her breast feeding journey with formula, it was probably just an oversight of the MIL.

I am also a FTM to an 11 week old baby girl, and would trust my parents 100% to care for my daughter. My daughter is now formula fed but was fed expressed milk until she was 8 weeks old, I supplied my parents with the milk and they gave it.. no problem.

The carrier situation is absurd. I have a carrier for my daughter, my parents have used it to carry her as does my DP. I have also carried my niece and nephews in a sling. Never once has it occurred to me to be afraid of something as innocuous as a baby sling and the poster who suggested that using a sling to carry another person's child is too "intimate" is frankly bonkers.

To sum up, OP you're either ready to let another person care for your child or you're not. But I think it's inappropriate to suggest your MIL is doing something wrong here. She sounds like a nice lady who wants to spend time caring for her grandchild not a villain set to sabotage you.

I can understand your reservations, Inc with the baby carrier. It somehow seems somewhat intimate for another woman to be holding your baby for prolonged periods next to her chest. It would bother me less if it was for the occasional walk outside, but more if it was for a sling inside/attachment style parenting. If the latter, I can understand how that could feel too much for you. She also seems rather full on, which can make it hard for you to feel in control of your own baby when someone comes on a bit too strong/overly enthusiastic. My mil was like this with my baby. She would hold him all the time, turn her back to me and walk out of the room with him, change his nappy and bath him/pick him up when he was sleeping. This was when he was around 2 weeks old and she was visiting. She bought herself baby items (a new pram, cot, etc). It just felt as though she was muscling in and taking over my baby. It's a very hard situation when they are so young and when in laws can get a bit excited/enthusiastic or pushy. Unlike your own parents though, you can't tell them to readily to back off. It is tough though, but she sounds very excited. A whole day is a lot though, so perhaps a couple of half days would work better at the start?

11 weeks is not far too young for you to leave your baby, if you are ready. My mum had my children over night by that age. It was a welcome break and gave me time to recharge. If you aren't ready then just be honest with her.

The sling makes perfect sense they are wonderful things. That is if she has a good one and she uses it properly.
But not the formula.
To be honest I think a full day is much too long for a breast fed baby to be away from its mother. And it will be uncomfortable for you. A couple of hours at most.
Can you suggest just a morning or afternoon and send expressed milk telling her not to feed her formula.

I am left wondering if I'm some sort of sociopath because I didn't worry about any of this stuff when mine were wee babies. I didn't think a whole day was far too long or worry about grandparents not being able to fall safely while wearing a carrier...ha ha. I was glad of a few hours of peace granted by people who were willing and more than capable of looking after a baby. I must be weird.

Eta: I will take the ensuing 'good for you' posts in good humour. It was good for me. Lovely as it goes.

It takes a village to raise a child. Would you react this way if it was your mum? Assuming you have/had a loving mother.

Obviously, with the BF, one can be put right. Your MIL might have assumed.ed that you bottle feed when the child is not with mum. In which case, just clarify. There is no need to turn a small thing into WW 3. She is your partner's mother and deserves the same respect you would give your own mum.

I understand the formula issue obviously but I think the carrier is fine. Baby will let her know if not happy in there. Do you have a problem with them bonding?

Umm, I don't know too many 48 year olds falling over all the time, I think you might be overreacting on that front

I don't even want DP to wear baby carriers ffs

I adored my DH baby wearing our daughter, please don't deprive him of this, it's a lovely bonding experience. I think you're overthinking it.

I'm 48 in a fortnight. I know if I was wearing a carrier I'd just faceplant that baby to the floor.

I’m 47, trust me people my age aren’t having falls!

To be fair it's not twisting a comment when you literally said 'I don't even want DP to wear baby carriers ffs' - that's just reacting to words. We're not mind readers.

Cot- safer to sleep in if the baby is there all day
Formula- no that's your choice
Baby carrier, don't see a problem.
It's it just a general overstepping that makes you uncomfortable? Maybe she's just really excited?

I wouldn't have let anyone look after my baby on there own at 11weeks. The first time she was about 7 months and DH and I went to collect her cot that was in storage and my sil who is a nanny had her

Their not there ffs

Will your baby take a bottle?
Is your MIL up to date with the latest guidelines about sterilising and bottle feeding?
How will you cope all day without feeding your baby? You will have to express.

IMO elevn weeks is far too young for a BF baby to be away from you all day.

Bloody hell! It's a good job some of the posters on this thread aren't living in America where mothers have to go back to work after a few weeks because of such short paid maternity leave .
I wouldn't be happy with the formula, but its always ok to have it in an emergency, but the rest is absolutely fine.
Grandmothers really cannot win can they? If they try to form a bond with their grandchildren they are accused of over stepping, if the back off and let the child's parents take the lead they are accused of not being interested enough

All the absolutely batshit comments on here from completely overprotective mothers goes some way to explaining why we have so many children/teens diagnosed with anxiety these days 🙄.

I hardly think that not wanting to be apart from an EBF eleven week old baby is being overprotective @iamwhatiam23.

Did you have an EBF baby?

Can’t get rid of the image of all these grannies falling flat on their faces. I am one so I’d better tread carefully when holding grandson 😉