MIL babywearing

[Carrotcake93]

MIL is coming tomorrow to pick up my DD (11 weeks) to her home to spend the day with her. It's the first time I will leave her with someone other than DP.

From the beginning I made it clear to MIL that as long as DD was a baby she wouldn't stay with anyone else, and she respected that. A few days ago she offered to take care of DD and hinted that my DP and I need a little rest and quality time for ourselves. She was right tbf, and precisely because she has kept her distance is what convinced me. I told her that she could have DD all day at her house but no sleeping there for now. Well, on the same day she decided to buy a crib, which I can understand, since it's better for DD to nap there than in a bed. But today she has also texted me saying that she has bought a baby carrier, without asking me if I agree to her using it. All this after telling me today to don't worry about express milk, that she has a bottle of formula at home when she knows that I exclusively BF. I have spoken to DP who agrees with me and will speak to her first. But I need you to tell me if AIBU, since my FTM brain won't let me think straight.

I would be okay with all of it except formula feeding. I would make it clear that that is not happening.

This is a dreadful idea for an 11 week old baby that is EBF, it blows my mind that grown adults put their needs to look after a baby are being put above the needs of a tiny baby that’s a totally dependent on her mother for food to date. If mil wants to help, which is what this situation should be, a helping hand, not grown woman plays with real life tiny tears doll, she should be at your disposal, in your home, to watch baby between feeds

If the point of her having DD is to relax and you're not going to then there is no point her having her.
Like others have said carrier no issue, assuming she can use it safely and with the correct positioning - you can do all this before hand and request photos throughout the day.

Formula. Well that untrustworthy feeling would be enough for me to pull the plug

I know modern mums are enthusiastic baby wearers. However, I come from another time where a pram or stroller is more than adequate as I see the potential dangers in baby carriers. The number one problem is falls. I’m assuming your MIL is over 50? Your sense of balance changes as you are and I wouldn’t trust anyone to carry my baby like that. Think if the weight of an adult female falling on top of your baby. Just no way I’d allow it.

It’s not going to be a very relaxing day if your worried about your baby all day.

This 100% op.💐💐

I honestly don’t get the big deal about having a the baby in a carrier?? I know plenty of grandparents, uncles, friends and etc who used a baby carrier while looking after a baby.
From one comment it’s really hard to say if she was suggesting she was pushing formula or just making a comment incase it made it to easier for you. If you want to send expressed milk then do that.
If you don’t need MiL to have the baby for a whole day then say that.

Going against the grain here but honestly I think this is fine. She's just excited. Be glad you've got someone willing to help you out.
Re the formula just reiterate that the baby is breastfed. I'm guessing MIL bought it as a back up maybe not realising you'll be providing expressed milk. And tbh, would it really be the end of the world if the baby did have a drop of formula? She probably wouldn't even take it anyway!

I couldn’t get too worked up about the carrier but the formula is a huge overstep and I would not be standing for that if you have decided you want to EBF.

@WongWifi I know modern mums are enthusiastic baby wearers. However, I come from another time where a pram or stroller is more than adequate as I see the potential dangers in baby carriers.

There is nothing modern about a baby carrier, they far predate prams.

I think it’s crazy for an 11 week old ebf baby to spend a whole day away from their mum. The carrier issue wouldn’t bother me, but she absolutely should feed her expressed milk if you are ebf. Has dd ever had a bottle before? What if she doesn’t take a bottle?!

Why are you letting her take the baby? Will she take a bottle? You know you don’t have to allow this, right? If you’re not comfortable, back out now.

I wouldn't be happy about putting baby in a carrier not all of them are good so I'd need to know what type was being used first.
A crib for baby I wouldn't be bothered about better for baby to sleep in a safe space.
I wouldn't be letting anyone look after my baby if baby was breastfed and they wanted to give formula. This would be the thing that would stop me letting my baby go.

Breastfed babies often don’t settle for others unless they are physically close. I never needed one with my son but DH and DM did as he used to scream when I wasn’t around. But the formula milk thing is strange - a bf baby 11 weeks: she should be following your word like law. I would personally be extremely wary

11 weeks? I barely let his own dad care for him in our house lol the idea of handing him over to anyone else (even my own mother) for a whole day I just couldn’t have done it. Thankfully no one offered. I would have had an utterly miserable day it wouldn’t have been relaxing for me at all. That’s me though, couldn’t bear to be parted from him.

Surely a shorter time is more reasonable, a couple of hours. I’d be very concerned if she didn’t agree to it. It’s your baby not hers.

The baby carrier is fine. The formula would annoy me, I’ll also be amazed if the baby just takes it. Spent ages trying to give the odd bottle of formula to my BF babies and they spat it out in disgust every time.

Is she aware of the TICKS advice for a sling?

So the modern marketers want to tell you.

Funny how you don’t acknowledge the danger of falls. So the ancient baby carrier is more important than the human life 🤷‍♀️

@WongWifi more babies have died in prams than in a baby carrier being squashed to death…

Op I'd be more worried about the formula than the baby carrier.

Remember you will end up sore if the baby or pump doesn't empty your boobs. I'd rethink this plan. Couple of hours between feeds, would be long enough for me. Don't let anyone steam roller you into thinking you need time away from your baby. Its natural to want to keep your baby close and listen to your inner mamma bear!

In my opinion (I'm a grandmother) too much too soon.

Okay, you win. Happy now? 😆 Mumsnetters do get their proverbial all tied and twisted when someone questions their modern (iPod, sorry I meant ancient) methods 😆

No way I’d have my baby in a carrier but each to their own. But the risk of falls is still great.

Sorry op, I know people are normally enthusiastic 'moms need a break too ers' and I hate to be the negative Nancy, but I personally see a few issues.

1. I know everyone dislikes a breastfeeding know it all, but unless you regularly express, remember that a baby is far more effective in removing milk from the breast, meaning expressing for a full do will be different that feeding your baby.
2. At that age, most babies till have some crying spells. Can you honestly say there has been a full day where baby hasn't cried for some time and you tried all different techniques to get her to calm down. Went for a walked, tried the breast, shushed, baby weared, breats again, you name it.
3. With the whole formula thing I see 2 problems.

3a. From the situation I wouldn't trust your mil not to give her formula. 'we ran out of your milk' 'I couldn't get her happy, but finnaly she was fine when I offered the formula bottle' 'she was very hungry' bla bla you name it. 3b formula messes up most babies tummy's esp that young, even moms that start off with formula. How often have you heard. 'we had to try 3 different formulas before we found one he liked/didn't upset his stomach /didn't cause spit up. " whatever the reasons my be. Do you want a week long fussy baby?

Anyway it's fully your choice but I will say that at that age they're still (developmentally appropriately) attached to their moms especially and beautifully so if breastfed.
I think it would cause some stress on baby's part as well.

Can you not drop a sleepy baby off straight after a feed and have a lovely shower/hour nap and a coffee date with dh and fetch her before her next feed (3/4hours)

Even better is mil could do this at your house!

Why are you letting her take the baby?

If you are going to let people take her away from her mum for hours there isn’t any point in splitting hairs about a baby carrier.

If you are ebf have you actually checked that the baby will take a bottle of any kind of milk?

Formula I'd have an issue with too but baby carrier seems v sensible for a bf baby who will likely be easier to settle in close proximity to a person. Babywearing isn't some new modern thing, I have photos of my mum being worn by my gran who'd have been 90 this year! I was always pleased when my mum put my baby in a sling and at 11 weeks the stretchy fabric slings (like the one we got in the baby box) are perfect. If you're worried about the one she's bought you could send her some links to other options or even suggest she visits a sling library to see what suits her and baby. I know my preferred sling didn't work for DH at all as we're such different builds.