Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL babywearing

211 replies

Carrotcake93 · 29/08/2023 16:28

MIL is coming tomorrow to pick up my DD (11 weeks) to her home to spend the day with her. It's the first time I will leave her with someone other than DP.

From the beginning I made it clear to MIL that as long as DD was a baby she wouldn't stay with anyone else, and she respected that. A few days ago she offered to take care of DD and hinted that my DP and I need a little rest and quality time for ourselves. She was right tbf, and precisely because she has kept her distance is what convinced me. I told her that she could have DD all day at her house but no sleeping there for now. Well, on the same day she decided to buy a crib, which I can understand, since it's better for DD to nap there than in a bed. But today she has also texted me saying that she has bought a baby carrier, without asking me if I agree to her using it. All this after telling me today to don't worry about express milk, that she has a bottle of formula at home when she knows that I exclusively BF. I have spoken to DP who agrees with me and will speak to her first. But I need you to tell me if AIBU, since my FTM brain won't let me think straight.

OP posts:
Twazique · 29/08/2023 19:46

You don't have to do this if you don't want to and you don't need a reason. Just text and say you have changed your mind. Do it when you are ready.

coconutpie · 29/08/2023 19:52

The buying formula when you are EBF is a red flag, especially that she's just informed you that she's bought formula. Buying a crib and a baby carrier without even asking is very weird. OP, your baby is still a newborn at 11 weeks old. You clearly are uncomfortable. It is OK to change your mind and say you've decided not to send your newborn for the day.

WeightoftheWorld · 29/08/2023 19:53

Hufflepods · 29/08/2023 19:29

I don't even want DP to wear baby carriers ffs

Not normal and really over the top.

Agree. Reading that has completely changed my perspective on this thread! Feel OP might not be a fully reliable historian here and I feel sorry for her DP who isn't allowed to babywear his own child!

Pebblesontheside · 29/08/2023 20:04

coconutpie · 29/08/2023 19:52

The buying formula when you are EBF is a red flag, especially that she's just informed you that she's bought formula. Buying a crib and a baby carrier without even asking is very weird. OP, your baby is still a newborn at 11 weeks old. You clearly are uncomfortable. It is OK to change your mind and say you've decided not to send your newborn for the day.

Buying a bit of formula when you are breast feeding is not a ‘red flag’ ffs, it’s just a sensible backup plan. I exclusively pumped til 6 months, and the 3 big bottles of formula that I bought just after being discharged from hospital sat on top of my fridge and were a welcome, constant reassurance that my baby would be fed, if anything went wrong with my supply, at any time of day or night. The poor woman is probably just trying to be organised and not be left with a hungry baby in distress, having run out of expressed milk.

pictoosh · 29/08/2023 20:07

"What worries me is someone else using a baby carrier with my baby there.
As my Dd's mum, I'm more adapted to my baby and I feel that if one day I fall to the ground my mommy reflexes will know how to make me fall in a safe way for the baby. I don't even want DP to wear baby carriers ffs."

I have heard some mummy pish in my time...but that is golden.

TheBarbieEffect · 29/08/2023 20:11

YANBU. She is pushy and overstepping and I would not allow any of this.

Toddlerteaplease · 29/08/2023 20:11

I bought a sling to jut my god daughter in. What's wrong with that?

StorminanDcup · 29/08/2023 20:14

If you don’t want her to wear the carrier just speak up. It’s your baby.

Get your DP to just say “mum we’re not comfortable with anyone using a baby carrier with DD just yet, also she is EBF so we will drop expressed milk in, no formula thanks”

like literally that is all it requires, big deal over nothing really OP.

although I understand because I was also a bit emotionally unstable and couldn’t think straight when DC were small babies

pictoosh · 29/08/2023 20:14

But are you able to fall over in safe way...that's the question?

CrappyBarbara · 29/08/2023 20:18

Carrotcake93 · 29/08/2023 19:06

Why are you angry? I never discriminated based on age.

What worries me is someone else using a baby carrier with my baby there.
As my Dd's mum, I'm more adapted to my baby and I feel that if one day I fall to the ground my mommy reflexes will know how to make me fall in a safe way for the baby. I don't even want DP to wear baby carriers ffs

Show quote history

If you don’t trust your husband to use a baby carrier you have bigger issues than a slightly over-enthusiastic MIL.

Tired6789 · 29/08/2023 20:22

It does sound like a few hours would be better at this stage...I think on the carrier it's a tricky one as you want to know that it suits the stage your baby is at, eg I had a bjorn but at first the baby didn't have good head control for it. I'd want to see the baby in it and be happy they are OK.

SuspiciousLampshade · 29/08/2023 20:28

Haven’t RTFT but I’m a babywearing consultant and I think your reasoning about babywearing is ridiculous. Sorry but have to be honest. There’s absolutely no reason why you falling would be any different from your partner or MIL falling with a carrier on, and people tend to be a lot more cautious with a baby attached to them regardless of their relation to that baby. Babywearing helps all people caring for babies and little ones, from mothers to people working in nurseries. As long as you make sure the baby is safely positioned anyone can carry, you being mum doesn’t make you any better a carrier than anyone else…

I feel for you and it sounds like you’re just not ready to let your little one stay with someone else, which is absolutely fine as everyone is different. Just say no if you’re not comfortable. But for God’s sake don’t blame it on a bloody baby carrier 🙄

Absolutelynotfor2019 · 29/08/2023 20:29

MargaretBall · 29/08/2023 18:55

OP sounds like your MIL is lovely, she is trying to balance the baby’s needs with helping you. The formula to me is not an attempt to undermine you but rather a clumsy and primal contingency in case the baby for some reason goes hungry .
There is nothing here to suggest that your MIL has an evil plan. In your OP you allude that
she has been respectful and that you and your partner need the time together . Surely just thank her, explain you will supply enough expressed milk and then be really grateful that your child has another person in the world who will love them and protect them. All MIL are not trying to usurp mothers despite what hormones / other posters might suggest

@MargaretBall …this in a very well written reply.
Also why do MN posters use the word’ boundaries ‘ so often regarding Grandparents?
Very patronising,disrespectful and infantilising!
We have all ,for the majority of us successfully nurtured and brought up fully functioning adults!!!

TheBarbieEffect · 29/08/2023 20:30

Toddlerteaplease · 29/08/2023 20:11

I bought a sling to jut my god daughter in. What's wrong with that?

It’s far too intimate. Do the parents know? I wouldn’t allow that.

minipie · 29/08/2023 20:37

What worries me is someone else using a baby carrier with my baby there.
As my Dd's mum, I'm more adapted to my baby and I feel that if one day I fall to the ground my mommy reflexes will know how to make me fall in a safe way for the baby. I don't even want DP to wear baby carriers ffs

Ok this just tipped over into batshit. Or at least PPPPFB.

SweetStrawberrie · 29/08/2023 20:37

OP it's your hormones and your protective instincts kicking in.

With my first I was exactly the same, I used to cry when she was with anyone else even for an hour or two and was almost paralyzed with all the what ifs that could happen to her.

Maybe have a think if you are really ready to be apart from your DD atm.

For what it's worth, the feelings did calm down once she got to about 6 months old.

116a · 29/08/2023 20:39

I was with you until you said your own partner can't even hold his baby in a sling.
The baby isn't yours only. She doesn't belong to just you. She is half your husbands too.

Now I think you're utterly bonkers. PFB much!

Absolutelynotfor2019 · 29/08/2023 20:40

TheBarbieEffect · 29/08/2023 20:30

It’s far too intimate. Do the parents know? I wouldn’t allow that.

Show quote history

Why ? Genuinely don’t understand this amount of control that people feel they need to have 🤷‍♀️Yes if an unfit person who could have an accident but otherwise I cannot see the problem!!

avemariiiaa · 29/08/2023 20:42

Not sure why people are horrified at an 11 week old spending time with family. Some women go back to work by then.

I would tell her not to use formula and you will provide bottles of expressed milk.

Can't see an issue with a carrier or a safe place to nap.

KatieB55 · 29/08/2023 20:42

tootyflooty · 29/08/2023 16:49

Please do not let your tiny baby go to your MIL for a whole day, it sounds like she will do exactly as she pleases once the baby is out of your sight, there is no reason for her to have an 11 week old baby all to herself unless you were very unwell with no other support. I would set firm ground rules from the get go, you are storing up a whole lot of bother if you don't have firm rules in place now. Can she not just visit yours and maybe take the baby out in the pram for an hour or so, and just be on hand to help you out at home for a morning or afternoon.

Exactly. I used to go to DDs and send her to bed and look after LO downstairs. No need to take her away at such a young age.

Toddlerteaplease · 29/08/2023 20:43

@TheBarbieEffect since her mum is not a Mumsnetter and therefore a fairly chilled out parent I don't think she cared two hoots. She was a very difficult baby and mum is a single mum. She was glad of the break!

justmyluck1234 · 29/08/2023 20:43

You lost me a-bit at the baby carrier... but 100% get your upset about the formula thing if your exclusively breastfeeding.

Furrydogmum · 29/08/2023 20:43

Ask her to have the baby at your house. You can rest as needed and she can do the in between stuff.. She should not be attempting to give formula unless that is what you want.

Dragonwindow · 29/08/2023 20:44

It never fails to amaze me how many people on MN are happy to ridicule a mum for being protective over a newborn baby! This is exactly why mums don't trust other people with their babies - if you think I'm being ridiculous for worrying about my baby, then you're exactly the sort of person I don't trust to look after my baby.

Toddlerteaplease · 29/08/2023 20:44

She'd practically push me out of the door with her in the morning and tell
D to come back when we'd run out of milk!