Page 7 | MIL babywearing

Carrotcake93 · 2023-08-29T15:28:48+00:00

MIL is coming tomorrow to pick up my DD (11 weeks) to her home to spend the day with her. It's the first time I will leave her with someone other than DP. From the beginning I made it clear to MIL that as long as DD was a baby she wouldn't stay with anyone else, and she respected that. A few days ago she offered to take care of DD and hinted that my DP and I need a little rest and quality time for ourselves. She was right tbf, and precisely because she has kept her distance is what convinced me. I told her that she could have DD all day at her house but no sleeping there for now. Well, on the same day she decided to buy a crib, which I can understand, since it's better for DD to nap there than in a bed. But today she has also texted me saying that she has bought a baby carrier, without asking me if I agree to her using it. All this after telling me today to don't worry about express milk, that she has a bottle of formula at home when she knows that I exclusively BF. I have spoken to DP who agrees with me and will speak to her first. But I need you to tell me if AIBU, since my FTM brain won't let me think straight.

Hufflepods · 29/08/2023 20:45

TheBarbieEffect · 29/08/2023 20:30

It’s far too intimate. Do the parents know? I wouldn’t allow that.

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Far too intimate? It’s just a hands free way of holding a baby! Is someone who is looking
after a baby not allowed to pick them up unless they are the mum or dad?
What’s the difference between holding a baby around in your arms all day vs having them in a carrier?

SweetStrawberrie · 29/08/2023 20:47

Dragonwindow · 29/08/2023 20:44

It never fails to amaze me how many people on MN are happy to ridicule a mum for being protective over a newborn baby! This is exactly why mums don't trust other people with their babies - if you think I'm being ridiculous for worrying about my baby, then you're exactly the sort of person I don't trust to look after my baby.

Same, I found it so consuming for the first 6 months and even after that it took a little while. Especially I think if it is your first.

Of course, looking back now I can see how I felt was extreme and over the top but I couldn't help it. I just didn't want anything bad to happen to her and was in a bubble of no one can look after my baby like I can.

Dragonwindow · 29/08/2023 20:48

SuspiciousLampshade · 29/08/2023 20:28

Haven’t RTFT but I’m a babywearing consultant and I think your reasoning about babywearing is ridiculous. Sorry but have to be honest. There’s absolutely no reason why you falling would be any different from your partner or MIL falling with a carrier on, and people tend to be a lot more cautious with a baby attached to them regardless of their relation to that baby. Babywearing helps all people caring for babies and little ones, from mothers to people working in nurseries. As long as you make sure the baby is safely positioned anyone can carry, you being mum doesn’t make you any better a carrier than anyone else…

I feel for you and it sounds like you’re just not ready to let your little one stay with someone else, which is absolutely fine as everyone is different. Just say no if you’re not comfortable. But for God’s sake don’t blame it on a bloody baby carrier 🙄

Of course the OP is going to be safer using a carrier than her MIL because she'll be on much higher alert, checking baby's breathing more regularly, spotting small differences in breathing, making sure hips are carefully positioned etc etc.
She's more likely to have researched safe carrying in more detail.

Snugglemonkey · 29/08/2023 20:52

My baby is almost 9 months old. My second child. I would not be happy leaving her all day and would be really worried about her taking enough milk. I would not consider leaving a baby of 11 weeks for a whole day. Especially as a first babysitting time.

I would have her build up by taking the baby for walks, then looking after him in your own home while you sleep, so you can be on hand. Taking the baby out for a few hours. Then I would consider a full day.

Viewfrommyhouse · 29/08/2023 20:53

Carrotcake93 · 29/08/2023 17:55

Thank you all for your answers. Responding to some comments; my MIL is not that old, she is 48 and is very active, but It worries me that if she falls, she won't have the same reflexes that I can have as a mother. My DP helps me a lot with DD and I can have time for myself , lbut we've never spent time alone since DD is here. In the end I decided not to say anything about the carrier but DP will talk to her about the formula, we will also tell her that it better be a few hours and not the whole day!

She's 48, not 88 🤣. I'm 48 with a 7yo and am physically quite well, reflexes and everything.

The carrier, I couldn't get upset about.
The formula - I would, absolutely. Ds was also ebf, I didn't want him having formula, so he didn't.

Saying all that, there's no way I could've left ds at 11 weeks for more than an hour, let alone a day. I did leave him with my DM for a 24hrs when he was 11 months. I had a great day/night out, but was so happy to get back go him. So were my boobs 😳

phoenixrosehere · 29/08/2023 20:53

Pebblesontheside · 29/08/2023 20:04

Buying a bit of formula when you are breast feeding is not a ‘red flag’ ffs, it’s just a sensible backup plan. I exclusively pumped til 6 months, and the 3 big bottles of formula that I bought just after being discharged from hospital sat on top of my fridge and were a welcome, constant reassurance that my baby would be fed, if anything went wrong with my supply, at any time of day or night. The poor woman is probably just trying to be organised and not be left with a hungry baby in distress, having run out of expressed milk.

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MIL could have asked though beforehand and OP already said that she is providing the expressed milk. Breastmilk and formula are not the same thing despite what formula companies portray and formula can have negative side effects (gas, upset stomach, constipation) to a baby that has never had formula before.

sunnydayhereandnow · 29/08/2023 20:53

Dragonwindow · 29/08/2023 20:48

Of course the OP is going to be safer using a carrier than her MIL because she'll be on much higher alert, checking baby's breathing more regularly, spotting small differences in breathing, making sure hips are carefully positioned etc etc.
She's more likely to have researched safe carrying in more detail.

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This is completely OTT. Baby is 11 weeks, not a tiny newborn. Just check she knows about safe carrying - but totally fine to carry and there are a ton of carriers suitable for that age. I wouldn't necessarily let any random carry my baby for a day, but a responsible grandmother who has experience parenting - no problem.

And to the people going on about her age and strength - I'm 46 and have been carrying my 17-kilo 3-year old around in a toddler carrier on holiday :)

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/08/2023 20:55

Before she EVER took her away for a whole day I would have her in your home for a few hours watching you, how you do things etc it would be scary for your baby to have a new face and a new place and new food etc- has your baby even drunk from a bottle before?

Definitely rethink this idea and I would invite her over instead and let her babysit once you're confident she understands your baby's routines only

OhcantthInkofaname · 29/08/2023 20:56

I don't think there's a problem with any of this. This crib can be used for 3 years. It's a just in case item. And having some formula as backup to expressed milk is ideal. A screaming hungry baby is best having a taste of formula if out of breast milk.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/08/2023 20:56

Elfandwellbeing · 29/08/2023 16:50

This is a dreadful idea for an 11 week old baby that is EBF, it blows my mind that grown adults put their needs to look after a baby are being put above the needs of a tiny baby that’s a totally dependent on her mother for food to date. If mil wants to help, which is what this situation should be, a helping hand, not grown woman plays with real life tiny tears doll, she should be at your disposal, in your home, to watch baby between feeds

agree

Gnomegnomegnome · 29/08/2023 20:59

Carrotcake93 · 29/08/2023 19:06

Why are you angry? I never discriminated based on age.

What worries me is someone else using a baby carrier with my baby there.
As my Dd's mum, I'm more adapted to my baby and I feel that if one day I fall to the ground my mommy reflexes will know how to make me fall in a safe way for the baby. I don't even want DP to wear baby carriers ffs

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Oh op. One day you will look back at this and laugh!
I’m with you on the formula if you are EBF but the rest is hilarious.

And to whoever said that baby wearing is too intimate… you are doing it wrong! 😂

SuspiciousLampshade · 29/08/2023 21:01

Dragonwindow · 29/08/2023 20:48

Of course the OP is going to be safer using a carrier than her MIL because she'll be on much higher alert, checking baby's breathing more regularly, spotting small differences in breathing, making sure hips are carefully positioned etc etc.
She's more likely to have researched safe carrying in more detail.

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Hence my qualifier of baby being positioned safely. Also see OPs post where she states MIL used carriers with her own kids. And where she states she won’t let her partner babywear because he won’t have the right reflexes. Nothing to do with being more alert.

My DH has worn both our kids and I’ve never been worried about him not being alert and aware of changes in our little ones breathing etc. Unless there’s a real reason to suspect MIL would just sling her DGC in there without a care in the world I don’t agree with your reasoning

Ottersmith · 29/08/2023 21:02

11 weeks is way too young to be away that long. Everyone needs a break together from their baby but they don't get it because they are needed to look after their child. A carrier is a good thing as the baby will need some comfort. Letting her even contemplate formula when you are ebf is fucked and would be a deal breaker.

Absolutelynotfor2019 · 29/08/2023 21:10

My three full functioning adults were left overnight with their grandparents at 7,6,9 weeks. They survived,we had enjoyable nights out and weirdly they are absolutely fine ! I would suggest that the baby has normal milk from Mum . Hopefully you can express.

Ýsette · 29/08/2023 21:18

Carrotcake93 · 29/08/2023 19:06

Why are you angry? I never discriminated based on age.

What worries me is someone else using a baby carrier with my baby there.
As my Dd's mum, I'm more adapted to my baby and I feel that if one day I fall to the ground my mommy reflexes will know how to make me fall in a safe way for the baby. I don't even want DP to wear baby carriers ffs

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To be fair, I once fell over with a bottle of wine. Needless to say, the bottle didn't touch the pavement 😂

Icantthinkofausername123 · 29/08/2023 21:22

I haven't read all the messages so there might be further info but I actually think this is really sweet and a grandmother trying to show she's trying to make your baby and you as comfortable as possible. She has somewhere for the baby to sleep properly and has the carrier as a resource to try and comfort them so I couldn't get worked up over them. I wouldn't have been comfortable with the formula for my babies but it might just be misguided as a way to help. She has been respectful up to now so it might just be a calm and kind conversation with her to explain your thoughts on it?

Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday · 29/08/2023 21:24

You don't trust mil to hold or feed your dc appropriately so dc stays with you. Not trusting your dh to use a carrier is quite worrying...

Mamai90 · 29/08/2023 21:28

WongWifi · 29/08/2023 16:55

I know modern mums are enthusiastic baby wearers. However, I come from another time where a pram or stroller is more than adequate as I see the potential dangers in baby carriers. The number one problem is falls. I’m assuming your MIL is over 50? Your sense of balance changes as you are and I wouldn’t trust anyone to carry my baby like that. Think if the weight of an adult female falling on top of your baby. Just no way I’d allow it.

Who doesn't put their arms out when they fall?

Bellyblueboy · 29/08/2023 21:29

Too much too soon.

cut it down to a few hours and be clear no formula.

AxolotlEars · 29/08/2023 21:35

The formula thing is weird. If you don't want a day off from your baby then don't take her. I couldn't get my knickers in a knot about a carrier maybe because I have carried other people's babies and children in my slings. Even if it wasn't one you thought was the absolute best, realistically your baby wouldn't be in it that long.

Mamai90 · 29/08/2023 21:36

Dropthedonkey · 29/08/2023 18:03

At 48 I had a 6 year old. I hope I wasn't in imminent danger of falling over.

I laughed at that too, I'm 41 and pregnant, I best not stumble incase my ancient arms aren't quick enough to break my fall! 😂

FoodFann · 29/08/2023 21:37

My 8 month old isn’t leaving my sight. Let alone an 11 week old! Bloody crib and formula, she needs to get a grip, it’s not her baby!

Waffle19 · 29/08/2023 21:40

Completely get the formula thing but she was probably just trying to help, just explain to her about breastfeeding.

The crib sounds sensible to me, I’ve always found it helpful that my in laws have their own Moses basket, travel cot, pushchair etc.

I think YABU over the baby wearing though. I think it’s absolutely lovely your MIL wants to do this. By all means check the fit, brand and positioning and explain to her about TICKS, but don’t take that opportunity away from her. I think you’re absolutely bonkers to not let your DH have the baby in the carrier, that’s unfair to both him and baby.

Waffle19 · 29/08/2023 21:41

Mamai90 · 29/08/2023 21:28

Who doesn't put their arms out when they fall?

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Anyone over the age of 48 according to the OP

Mamai90 · 29/08/2023 21:50

Toddlerteaplease · 29/08/2023 20:43

@TheBarbieEffect since her mum is not a Mumsnetter and therefore a fairly chilled out parent I don't think she cared two hoots. She was a very difficult baby and mum is a single mum. She was glad of the break!

Some people get absolutely batshit over their babies!