If you found a torn up piece of paper with writing on in your DC bin, would you tape it back together to read it?

[AnxiousAnniee]

In this scenario what would you do:

DD is 10 years old, has their own room. Upon cleaning the room you go to empty the bin and find lots of tiny pieces of paper. It looks like an A4 piece of paper has been written on and then torn up. Obviously not wanting anyone to ready it.

Would you tape the paper back together out of concern to read it? Or would you respect that your child obviously doesn't want you reading it so leave it?

Just for context here, it's not my DC, but a family members. They taped the paper back together but I'm not sure if I agree they should've done that. Just wondered if they were being unreasonable or if most parents would do this?

I'd only consider doing this if I already had concerns, bullying, etc etc. Other than that, no never.

I think the only reason for doing this is if you (the parent) are really worried about the DC and fear they may be in serious trouble e.g. eating disorder, suicidal, mental health problems, concern that they may be involved in something like drugs/dealing/county lines, etc. Otherwise, it's a gross invasion of their privacy.

God, my DD scribbles on pieces of paper all the time! Thousands of notebooks and pads and cards and pieces of paper.
It's usually a "register" for playing schools, a list of horses names if she ran a stables, or Taylor Swift songs in order of preference.
Wouldn't even occur to me to tape it back up! I'd just be pleased it's in the bin rather than pieces of paper all over her bedroom floor

It's a very weird thing to do, I dont normally look at anything in bins when emptying them. It's also very weird that the child told you about it. So I'm thinking this is exh and stepmother or something similar.

It wouldnt occur to me to do this unless I had some serious concerns about the child's welfare.

No. I'm another one who never had any privacy growing up. I'm now no contact with my mother for various reasons.

Possibly. If I had concerns that there was something going on and they weren't talking to me, I possibly would, so I could decide how,to approach whatever the issue was. It wouldn't be an automatic no from me

No. Not at all!

Not unless I was seriously worried about their mental health.

similar thing happened to one of my relatives, they taped it back together and it was a note their child had written about being SA’d for years by a grandparent. If they never found it and taped it back together, the child would likely not be here anymore. Dramatic story but true.

My mum used to snoop into EVERYTHING and privacy just didn't exsist in our household. I once caught Sf who was a perv [stately homes] going through my handbag counting out from a box of condoms and announcing three had gone since he last checked !

No, unless there was something already I was really concerned about. I'd have been mortified if my parents have taped back together and read some of my terrible song lyrics from the age of about 10-12! Children do need privacy and space to test things out.

Not quite the same, but when I was a teenager (about 14), I was doing my English homework, which was a story. It was a bit rubbish so I ripped the page out of my exercise book and put it in the waste basket.

The next day, when I came home from school, my parents were in the kitchen and my father started going through the binned story telling me which words and phrases were not right, and how he'd improve it.

I kept saying that it was one I'd binned, that I knew it was poor and that's why I'd binned it, but they ignored me.

Humiliating, intrusive and overstepping my boundaries. I've not forgotten and I've not forgiven.

Name changed. I hate tabloid journalism.

Privacy really matters. Children with no privacy don't even have the healthy outlet of writing down their feelings.

Ideally no unless there was any serious cause for concern.

However we are all human and if I caught some concerning words I might be tempted to read though would not go so far as to tape back together and I wouldn't be telling anyone I'd done that but might reflect and watch and try and gather more information.

This I would be my answer.

Day to day, hell no. My DD11 writes / draws and rips it up all the time. Would never consider taping it together.

A few years ago when DS was going through a really tough time with lots of concerns for his mental health, then maybe based if I'd seen any of the above.

Yes!
I love finding things children have written and often they are funny or silly or give an insight into what's going on in their brains which can be very helpful. Could also be a cry for help which needs addressing. So, I'd have a quick look and if it was any of the above, and not in tiny pieces, I'd piece it together.

Only if the child were having problems such as if she were suffering mental health or bullying. Or if it looked like a note from her teacher that she should have brought home for us to read. Or if it looked like a beautiful poem or song that I wanted to enjoy. Yes, one of my kids used to write gorgeous songs and sometimes disgarded them and she was happy that I complimented her on them.
Ordinarily, though, I would never notice ripped paper or give rubbish a second glance.

No
why would anyone

Only if I had a strong concern about the dc's wellbeing. Otherwise, no.

I'm very sorry about what happened to your daughter

I still think, though, that everyone, children included, deserve privacy and an outlet for their feelings that isn't scrutinised by other people. I completely understand that your situation was awful and tragic, but it is a very extreme example.

I don't think that taping together a torn-up piece of paper from a 10-year-old's bin in order to read her private thoughts and feelings (and then confronting her about it, apparently, as the child was made aware that they had found it and read it) is kind, proportionate or good for the child's mental health. She's effectively lost her only outlet for expressing her private worries.

Yes they told her about it. They shouted her upstairs and when she walked into her room they were sat on her bedroom floor with the paper in front of them. I'm feeling really hurt for her. She is a member of my family and we are close and she speaks to me about things that she doesn't speak to her parents about. I don't have children but I just feel like I wouldn't have done this in their shoes, I would've ignored it

That’s so bad! Unless you happened to see the word ‘die’ or something like that, there is no way I would read something like that. Even if it wasn’t torn up I still wouldn’t read it.
The poor girl has had a massive betrayal by her parents, but at least she has you to talk too.

I’m too busy to tape up bits of paper and actually have a life. 😂 Unless I was worried about a child who had shown disturbing behaviour then I wouldn’t have been nosey.

They sound awful. It's one thing to read it if they are worried about her mental health (which I could just about understand), but if they then confronted her with it in her room then they have done more damage to her than they will clearly ever realise. It will take a lot for her to ever trust or feel her parents are a "safe space" and it sounds like they don't have a clue and will not be able to do what they need to do for that trust and relationship to be rebuilt. Poor child. At least she has you because it sounds like her parents are off the scale.

I don't have children but I just feel like I wouldn't have done this in their shoes, I would've ignored it

You can't possibly know what you'd do with your children, given that you don't have any.

I would have done this with one of mine when he was 10.

I wouldn't have done it with the others.

Context is everything.