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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and brunch…

344 replies

Nikee20 · 28/08/2023 18:58

We were at in-laws today for a brunch thing. We stayed in a hotel and live 3 hours away and we were eating at theirs before we drove home.

MIL said she’d do sausage buns so we had a very light breakfast so we didn’t fill up.

Arrived at theirs and there were 8 sausages for 4 adults and 1 child.

She split them 1 sausage each in a hot dog bun for each adult, 2 sausages for her son (my DH). Then DC was given another sausage.

Son was then offered the spare one.

So I was fed less than my 8 year old DS.

So my question is - is this perfectly reasonable or is she crazy?

YABU - this is fine
YANBU - she is crazy.

OP posts:
ShrinkingSusan · 28/08/2023 22:00

Nikee20 · 28/08/2023 20:45

@iheartminizoos I’d say weirdly formal describes the relationship here too.

DH looked in the fridge and there wasn’t much there. We didn’t feel like it would be okay to supplement the food offering.

Fortunately we always have a snack bag when travelling which was put to good use today!

I don't go anywhere of any distance without a car picnic. You never know what traffic you might hit or measly portions you'll be served

bonzaitree · 28/08/2023 22:01

Who serves a guest a singular hotdog for brunch???

ONE HOT DOG IS NOT BRUNCH!

Original poster
Nikee20 · 28/08/2023 22:04

@ShrinkingSusan having that bag saved us today that’s for sure!

OP posts:
HereForTheFreeLunch · 28/08/2023 22:04

Meatus · 28/08/2023 21:23

She split them 1 sausage each in a hot dog bun for each adult, 2 sausages for her son (my DH). Then DC was given another sausage.

Son was then offered the spare one.

That’s 7.

I need to know what happened to the 8th sausage.

4 adults and 1 child
Each had 1 = 5
2 for DH = 5 +1 = 6
DC given another one = 7
1 left which was NOT offered to OP = 8.

They should turn this into a word problem for maths.

ratspeaker · 28/08/2023 22:07

That's not brunch.
Brunch is filled croissants, muffin omelettes, eggy bread with baked beans on side, pancakes, Greek yoghurt with fruit and honey, toasties.

Not a measly helping of C.M.O.T Dibblers sausage Inna bun
( A Pratchett Discworld reference for those not in the know. For those in the know could you have kept a straight face through all this?)

2Rebecca · 28/08/2023 22:08

My father has lost the ability to cater, admittedly my mum when alive did most of the cooking and meal prep but he has got worse. At least he's aware of it and is often happy to go out to eat or get a takeaway or we go shopping together and I cook. He'll eat loads if someone else cooks it but left to his own devices lives on sardines and shop coleslaw!

WellPlaced · 28/08/2023 22:09

bonzaitree · 28/08/2023 22:01

Who serves a guest a singular hotdog for brunch???

ONE HOT DOG IS NOT BRUNCH!

SHE TOLD THEM SHE WOULD DO SAUSAGE BUNS

The OP assumed brunch and had a minimal breakfast. I’m guessing MiL assumed they had had a hearty hotel breakfast.

ASGIRC · 28/08/2023 22:14

Annaishere · 28/08/2023 19:04

Brunch is between breakfast and lunch so it wouldn’t be like a meal

No, brunch is very much a meal... it is an amalgam of BOTH breakfast and Lunch. So you only have one meal, not both. It is not a snack between breakfast and lunch!

countdowntonap · 28/08/2023 22:20

DH refused it as he /could see how unimpressed my face looked!
sounds like you’re a controlling food bully
too.

SquirrelFeeder · 28/08/2023 22:22

@ChristmasKraken Oh I absolutely agree I must be in the minority. I also suspect that this doesn't help my not-skinny status! My metabolism isn't being kept going or whatever. It's just how I was brought up. My mum doesn't eat lunch either

Original poster
Nikee20 · 28/08/2023 22:22

WellPlaced · 28/08/2023 22:09

SHE TOLD THEM SHE WOULD DO SAUSAGE BUNS

The OP assumed brunch and had a minimal breakfast. I’m guessing MiL assumed they had had a hearty hotel breakfast.

Show quote history

She knew we weren’t having breakfast as we said we wouldn’t the night before as she was catering for us.

OP posts:
Bellyblueboy · 28/08/2023 22:27

countdowntonap · 28/08/2023 22:20

DH refused it as he /could see how unimpressed my face looked!
sounds like you’re a controlling food bully
too.

😂 so now if you express disappointment or surprise at a small portion to your husband who is being offered a lot more you are a bully??

dear god: food is really an emotive subject isn’t it😂

ShrinkingSusan · 28/08/2023 22:34

Matronic6 · 28/08/2023 21:41

YANBU! Promising someone a hearty meal and assuring them to go light only to serve a single sausage in a bun is embarrassing. Once had a meal at DP's mum's and had barely ate all day, was actively stopped from eating, as there was going to be a huge meal. There was, except 90% of it contained a food I have an intolerance to, which they knew about, as they had made a special dish for me. Expect the dish for me was also shared between all people so I essentially had a small starter, two pieces of bread and a small amount of cheese. I had barely ate all day and was 7 months pregnant. Lay in bed eating cookies I'd bought as a gift. I feel your pain.

You should have said you'll serve yours first, as its your only food. Then they can split what's left.

As per my 9year old niece the other day, I was so proud. They had mcds and she ordered nuggets so they'd got a 20 box and the other 2 kids were going to have a couple. So they asked for some and she very politely said can you all wait please, this is my dinner, you got burgers, let me eat mine until I'm full then you can both have some.

Fucking love that girl 👊💥

bonzaitree · 28/08/2023 22:36

WellPlaced · 28/08/2023 22:09

SHE TOLD THEM SHE WOULD DO SAUSAGE BUNS

The OP assumed brunch and had a minimal breakfast. I’m guessing MiL assumed they had had a hearty hotel breakfast.

Show quote history

One hot dog is not brunch.

To be fair, I think two hot dogs is not brunch either. surely hot dogs are bbq food? Who serves hot dogs at 11am?

Does your MIL understand what brunch is?

I think you should invite her over and show her what brunch means. It’s a very specific meal… which never includes hot dogs!!

GrumpyPanda · 28/08/2023 22:43

mumberry84 · 28/08/2023 21:15

So confused by what a hot dog is now 😂

Show quote history

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/14/dining/regional-hot-dog-styles-america.html

miserablebitch · 28/08/2023 22:45

Annaishere · 28/08/2023 19:04

Brunch is between breakfast and lunch so it wouldn’t be like a meal

Brunch is a combination of breakfast and lunch, so would very much be like a meal. See definition below

Brunch Definition & Meaning | Britannica Dictionary

BRUNCH meaning: a meal that combines breakfast and lunch and that is usually eaten in late morning.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 28/08/2023 22:45

brunch
/brʌn(t)ʃ/

noun

  1. a late morning meal eaten instead of breakfast and lunch.

it's a substitute for BOTH breakfast and lunch put together. So a heavy breakfast to keep you going through the afternoon.

A bun is not a brunch. I would have expected at least multiple sausage buns

HereForTheFreeLunch · 28/08/2023 22:45

Snap miserablebitch

countdowntonap · 28/08/2023 22:48

Her husband turned down food because of Ed reaction. That doesn’t seem odd to you?

ImNotWorthy · 28/08/2023 22:50

How old is she? In his 80s, I noticed that if DF made a meal for us while we were visiting, he would peel 3 sprouts per person! (My standard then was 7 per person, now I'm older it would more likely be 5...)

DM, on the other hand, still alive in her 90s, cooks from scratch and though of slight stature, eats well and sensibly. Don't know what her sprouts per person rule is, but if I go for a meal at hers, there is always enough for second helpings Smile

2Rebecca · 28/08/2023 22:57

I think the brunch definition is probably irrelevant as MIL never mentioned lunch just sausages in buns, although sausage in a bun would have been more accurate. I don't think my husband would eat 3 sausages if I'd only been offered one. He would probably offer it to me though saying " you didn't have much breakfast and have only had 1 sausage would you like it". We would have then stopped for a snack on the way home if still hungry.

2Rebecca · 28/08/2023 22:59

Why are people talking about hot dogs? This is a link sausage in a bread bun/ bread roll. A sausage sarnie not a hot dog

2Rebecca · 28/08/2023 23:03

Just seen it was hot dog bun not a bread bun/ bread roll

Tiredanddistracted · 28/08/2023 23:03

I honestly think it's an age thing. My parents are well into their 70s now and are both excellent cooks, but their portions are just fucking tiny. Like a single dish from a taster menu at a fancy restaurant tiny - the sort that are meant to be accompanied by 7 other equally tiny plates. Think one small ladleful of shepherd's pie with three carrot batons per adult.

They weren't always like this - used to eat perfectly reasonable amounts. I read somewhere that appetite decreases with age. I suspect that this has happened (fine, normal) and, living just the two of them, there's no-one there to act as a yardstick, so to them the change hasn't registered and they have literally no idea that their portions are unusually small. I love them to bits, but, if I'm honest, they've always been the sort of people who consider the way they do things to be normal and anyone doing differently to be incomprehensible and worthy of derision, so I guess this is just an extension of that in food terms.

Problem is, DH and I are both on the larger side so if we were to say anything we'd be labelled greedy because they have honestly lost sight of what a normal plate of food looks like. So we bring snacks.

Tbf, my parents (although great in so many ways) have always been pretty weird about my weight to the point of seriously damaging my relationship with food. One time my dad told me WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER that I should always leave the table 'a bit hungry' because 'that's what top models do'. So, frankly, it's not worth the battle and the damage it would do to my mental wellbeing. I could explain to then that I'm eating three solid healthy meals a day and slowly losing weight, but they wouldn't get it. Again an age thing, because they hail from the half a grapefruit era.

WhisperingHi · 28/08/2023 23:06

You had a light breakfast followed by a hotdog, by what, 11? That's absolutely fine for most adults, I'd feel fine after that and don't think I'd think anything of it.

Im guessing she offered the last one to your child because he's a child, rather than a boy? If so, then that's fine to me, she's treating her grandson. But if she did it because they're male and you're female then YANBU.