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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not take grandson to nursery every day

478 replies

ncgran · 28/08/2023 08:48

I work part-time and have a gorgeous grandson who is 7 months. I would be happy to look after him a couple times a week while DD is at work but can't really do more than that and she has asked if I would divide those hours to daily and take and pick up from nursery instead. She works from 6am-1pm and will be going back to work soon. The half days at nursery are from 7-12 and so she would like to drop him off to me for 5:30 and pick up at 1.30 and have me take and pick up from nursery. Does anyone know if they can do a bit longer at nursery and she can pick him up from there? or are they actually quite strict on this? The days I can't do, DH could honestly drop him off (would probably be once a week) but then we are doing 5 mornings a week... I know it sounds mean and we obviously adore them both but that is a lot to be tied to but she is a single parent and we want to help where we can and I would love to come to a compromise but know very little about nursery hours etc so any suggestions would be fab

OP posts:
Greenqueen40 · 28/08/2023 08:50

Just say no! That's a tremendous amount to put on you, she needs to make suitable arrangements for her child or swap jobs to accommodate.

WantingToEducate · 28/08/2023 08:51

She wants to get you up at 5am every morning so she leave your grandson with you until it’s time for him to go to nursery?!

God no!!!!

I can’t believe she’d even think it was ok to ask?

The3Ls · 28/08/2023 08:51

He definitely could stay longer but likely she d be paying double the cost for only an extra hour as she d have to pay for the full day

You are not being unreasonable but your daughter is managing tricky hours to fit with a nursery schedule. She might be better with a child minder as no nursery will open early enough

KateyCuckoo · 28/08/2023 08:52

Baby can do longer but she'd have to pay for the full day, she's probably tight on money so trying to trim her outgoings.

LittleBearPad · 28/08/2023 08:52

That’s a huge ask and it’s not going to work. She needs a different child care solution or to change her hours

Original poster
ncgran · 28/08/2023 08:52

it is a big ask but i think she is desperate and trying to make it work as it is far better for her to be in her job with the universal credit for childcare, that not be working. so i am keen to help but that is a lot, especially so early. do childminders operate from those times?

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 28/08/2023 08:53

Your daughter is being bloody cheeky here! She wants you to completely replan your working week and be up before 5am every day, just so that there are no changes to her plans! That is seriously crazy.

Does anyone know if they can do a bit longer at nursery and she can pick him up from there? or are they actually quite strict on this?

Nobody on here can answer that except the nursery in question 😂

Original poster
ncgran · 28/08/2023 08:53

ahh i see, so they then charge the full day? yes, i can see why she did not suggest that then

OP posts:
Original poster
ncgran · 28/08/2023 08:54

Shinyandnew1 · 28/08/2023 08:53

Your daughter is being bloody cheeky here! She wants you to completely replan your working week and be up before 5am every day, just so that there are no changes to her plans! That is seriously crazy.

Does anyone know if they can do a bit longer at nursery and she can pick him up from there? or are they actually quite strict on this?

Nobody on here can answer that except the nursery in question 😂

my apologies, I thought maybe it would be a universal thing

OP posts:
WantingToEducate · 28/08/2023 08:55

The3Ls · 28/08/2023 08:51

He definitely could stay longer but likely she d be paying double the cost for only an extra hour as she d have to pay for the full day

You are not being unreasonable but your daughter is managing tricky hours to fit with a nursery schedule. She might be better with a child minder as no nursery will open early enough

I doubt childminders will accept a 5.30am drop off either.

I’ve always used childminders and the earliest drop-offs I was allowed were at 7am.

That’s not to say early drop-off childminders aren’t out there so you’re daughter may have to do some digging deep to find one.

I also feel sorry for the baby who is going to woken up at 5am every morning 😢

I know it must be extremely hard as a single parent but your daughter really needs to look at changing her shift patterns because her current set-up just doesn’t seem feasible long term.

Gliomes · 28/08/2023 08:55

5.30? Goodness no, don't do it!

It's really hard to find childcare at that time in the morning but that doesn't mean she can presume on you like that. She could try childminders, some specialise in shift work, but realistically a different job with hours that align better to when childcare is available would be a good investment for her. Don't say yes, or she'll have no reason to shift her work hours and could rely on you doing this for the next 10 years.

TheHappyCarrot · 28/08/2023 08:55

So the father is not on the scene at all?

Willmafrockfit · 28/08/2023 08:56

perhaps she can find a child minder to pick up after nursery?

Sunshineclouds11 · 28/08/2023 08:57

ncgran · 28/08/2023 08:53

ahh i see, so they then charge the full day? yes, i can see why she did not suggest that then

This depends on the nursery.

Some would make you pay full day, others (mine) charge an additional hour etc

sunshineandshowers40 · 28/08/2023 08:57

My parents dropped my DC at nursery three times a week but I was dropping him
at 7am and I collected him from nursery every day. 5:30 is a very early start. Has she looked at childminders?

MaPaSpa · 28/08/2023 08:57

Unfortunately the person who should be changing hours is your daughter.

it is completely unrealistic as a single parent to start work at 6am. Even with family support, that is too much pressure.

she needs to ask work now, before she starts back. If not she will need a child minder not a nursery. Even still those times will be a struggle

Original poster
ncgran · 28/08/2023 08:57

TheHappyCarrot · 28/08/2023 08:55

So the father is not on the scene at all?

no sadly not

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 28/08/2023 08:57

She would need to ask and pay to extend his hours . It sounds very complicated for just a short period of time,

Sunshineclouds11 · 28/08/2023 08:58

5am wake up for everyone involved is unfair.

I agree with pp that she changes her hours

Crossstich · 28/08/2023 08:58

That sounds unsustainable for everyone. Waking the baby up to get to you for 5.30 every day isn't going to work in the long term. It will be exhausting for everyone.
Is there anyway she could change her shift patterns?

Mrsjayy · 28/08/2023 08:59

MaPaSpa · 28/08/2023 08:57

Unfortunately the person who should be changing hours is your daughter.

it is completely unrealistic as a single parent to start work at 6am. Even with family support, that is too much pressure.

she needs to ask work now, before she starts back. If not she will need a child minder not a nursery. Even still those times will be a struggle

I mean surely it depends on her actual job, she could be a cleaner or something and her hours and job are fixed and not at all flexible.

blackheartsgirl · 28/08/2023 08:59

I do a lot for my grandkids but even I’d draw the line at 5.30 drop offs!!

I do sympathise with your dd but realistically she will have to consider changing her working hours or job.

Original poster
ncgran · 28/08/2023 08:59

her work will not allow it she asked if she could do the 8:30 to 5 shift pattern that some of them do but they have said no and they are only employing people on her pattern now anyway. she has said she is keen to find better work but can't sacrifice the salary or she won't be able to afford to live so needs something that pays the same or better. i was considering offering her to move back home for a bit, baby can sleep till later in the morning but think it might end up worse for all of us and im not sure she would want to leave her home she has been in for a while

OP posts:
rookiemere · 28/08/2023 08:59

That's far too much for her to be asking, particularly considering you're still actually working.
Does she have the option to condense her working hours at all ? It sounds like she doesn't want to have to pay for a full day at nursery for an hour or so, so she would be better trying to do 2-3 full days. It would still be a huge ask to look after the DGC 1-2 mornings a week, but current set up isn't sustainable for anyone.

Everydayimhuffling · 28/08/2023 09:00

It's very unlikely that she could find a nursery doing those hours. She could pay for the whole day to have him stay until 1.30, but I've never encountered one that opens before 7. She might want to look at childminders to see if she can pay for the hours to go up to 1.30. Even then, she would still need the morning drop off covered.

If you can't or aren't willing to do it (totally reasonable if you aren't) then she's going to have to look for something with more manageable hours.