to not take grandson to nursery every day

[ncgran]

I work part-time and have a gorgeous grandson who is 7 months. I would be happy to look after him a couple times a week while DD is at work but can't really do more than that and she has asked if I would divide those hours to daily and take and pick up from nursery instead. She works from 6am-1pm and will be going back to work soon. The half days at nursery are from 7-12 and so she would like to drop him off to me for 5:30 and pick up at 1.30 and have me take and pick up from nursery. Does anyone know if they can do a bit longer at nursery and she can pick him up from there? or are they actually quite strict on this? The days I can't do, DH could honestly drop him off (would probably be once a week) but then we are doing 5 mornings a week... I know it sounds mean and we obviously adore them both but that is a lot to be tied to but she is a single parent and we want to help where we can and I would love to come to a compromise but know very little about nursery hours etc so any suggestions would be fab

Sadly all they need to do it trot out ‘doesn’t suit the business’ and they’re off the hook.

@ncgran How long until your DD goes back to work? I think she really need to find a new job, but if there was on overlap and she needed short term help with a defined end in sight I would help out to bridge the gap.

I personally would do everything I could to help my daughter to stay in the workplace. It won't be forever.

However, yes, every day is a big ask - especially with it being so early.

I feel for her - it's bloody hard trying to juggle work and young children. Let alone being a single parent.

If you are happy to do the drop offs between you and DH for now then she can extend the hours at nursery so you do not also have to do the pick ups.

Yes, she well could end up being charged for full days but something has to give somewhere doesn't it.

I hear what you're saying , but what about OPs mental and physical health and if she enjoys her current job?

These are all things that are going to be seriously impacted by her DDs choices and there is more than one adult in this situation to be considered.

I think she definitely needs to approach them again and try to find a compromise.

It will be particularly difficult in the long winter months and in bad weather too.

It’s a shame your daughter has buried her head in the sand over this OP and it’s now at crisis point, but I think you’d pretty soon be very resentful at the situation and you’ll not have any days that are free. I don’t think it’s good for the baby either.

Maybe it’s doable in the very short term, but your daughter will have to look for alternative employment pretty quickly, or do as you suggest and come back to you for a while, although that’s not really satisfactory for anyone.

she has been in this role for 8 years since she finished uni but is happy to move but has said she cant find anything with the same pay (think she takes home around 2.1k atm) and she thinks job security of being there a while is a plus but obviously it isnt going to work and i am sure when that reality very much kicks in she will maybe take a lower paying job but better hours

I have 7 GC and have done lots of child care. None of my DDs would ask me to do the sort of pattern of care that your DD is asking for. It is very unreasonable.

She needs to talk to her union, and also investigate other child care options. You cannot be doing this - it is just too much.

If she has been there for 8 years I am really surprised that they won't consider any flexible working. Has she actually asked what options are available to her?

that is a shame,
op you dont seem to mind the early start but you were query the pick up
can she drop a day perhaps?

she has told me she has been desperately trying to find a solution for months

Desperately? What has she actually done? Asked the nursery if the child can stay until 1.30? Investigated local childminders and what time they start? Whether any would have her daughter until 1.30?

It sounds more like she has ignored it for months and assumed you’ll just wake up before dawn and sort it all out for her. I’m with your ‘grumpy’ (is he really, or just a pragmatist?!) husband here, I’m afraid. I can’t wait to be a grandma and would happily do a day or two childcare. I would not be waking at 4.30 every day to do so-AND working at the weekends, just because my daughter didn’t bother to make a decent plan in the months she had to do so.

Is there a shift that starts at 1pm to late that she could ask to swap to?

A flexible working request to 8-5.30 would be best but a late shift would be less disruptive whilst she looks for another job. She could take baby to nursery and you could pick him up. It’s still a huge ask but it’s not at 5.30 in the morning

You really need to discuss the practically of this with her it's not fair on anyone to umm and ahh about it but it really doesn't sound sustainable her baby will turn into a toddler and the while 4.30 rise will be a bloody nightmare.

You need to be really clear here, with her and with yourself because you sound like a lovely person who really wants to help. If they won't change her hours, she will need to move jobs. There's no ifs and buts about it. What she's suggesting benefits only her company, not her, you or your DGS. Work shouldn't be like that any more, she needs to buckle in, make noise at company, get everything in writing, be really clear that if she doesn't get the shift she wants she'll be forced to look elsewhere, then she needs to follow through on that.

Yes, pm would be better in short term, at least then no-one's getting a baby up at 5am!

I didn’t say OP should do it. But instead looking at it from the prism of her daughter’s career development. If that’s her dream job, perhaps some solution can be found. It will cost money for sure. If it’s not her dream job, then she should start looking for a new role.

It’s really good that you and your dh are there for your daughter. Getting back to work is a big step and once she’s there it might be possible to negotiate better hours. She sounds like she’s got a lot on and no help from the dad. I’d help my kids like you are being asked. I’d check through what she would expect when the nursery is closed/dgs is sick. Your help is enabling her to get back to paid work. The help of grandparents is underrated in society. It sounds like home, your home, work and the nursery are all close by. This is helpful. Not having to travel far for work is perfect. This might be a reason to keep the job even if the hours can’t be changed right away.

Our nursery would do a 7-1 package that includes lunch. We might be flexible about an extra half hour if the parent came and chatted to us about their situation.

It's unreasonable for employer to expect a single mother returning from Mat leave to work these hours. There is no practical way she can provide childcare for this early a start which effectively means she can't return to her job.

She does have protection in law, and it certainly sounds like there has been historical precedence for previous returnees which may make
a difference to her case.

Please look at the ACAS website to check her rights and, as pp suggested, contact Pregnant then Screwed asap.

Hi OP,
Going against the grain but I think if you are willing you could try your daughter and baby staying over before your daughters shifts. There is no reason your daughter would need to give up her home/independence or move in fully. They could come over in the evening, go to bed (no doubt your daughter would like to go early as she has such an early start, she can get up and go, then you could get baby up at 8/8:30 (if they are still sleeping) for nursery at 9.

If you daughter could find a nursery that will take baby 9-3 that would be ideal. No need for you to collect and she would have time to go to the shop, tidy up or have a break before pick up.

She can still look for another job or better hours to be available but it should be fine in the short term if you don't mind.

My nursery has set door times you can fit around to suit, but I'm sure they wouldn't suit every job. They also don't open until I believe 7/7:30 earliest like other posters, have said nursery hours aren't a universal thing.

I understand why your DD may be unaware of this if she's a first time mum but nurseries are often fickle places which can send children home a lot or close unexpectedly due to illness outbreaks. I think I'd be concerned who is picking the child up and providing care should this happen...

Most 7 month olds don’t wake up at 8.30.

As soon as the DD left for work the OP would likely be up with GS. Yes she’d still be in her own house but it’s not great

This sounds a solution worth looking into.

And maybe DD could put in a request to drop her hours by one day? Or condense them into 4 days? This will mean she only has to stay at yours 3 nights a week and the difference in pay will be mostly mitigated by the fewer nursery sessions.

Hi OP, I think the only solution here is for your DD to find another job, or ask her work for more flexible hours.

YANBU and the request for you to get up at that hour every day is ridiculous.

I also doubt you’ll find a childminder to accommodate those early hours tbh. Childminders depend on having multiple children at the same time to make their pay worth while. Unless they can find 2 other kids who want an early start like that, none of them will start work that early for £5 an hour.

If the baby sleeps through the night, can he sleep at your house the night before your DD works, then you can all get up at a normal time before taking him to nursery.

Yep! It's the one thing I've promised myself. Unfortunately I have Parkinsons and it's the early mornings that I find hardest. Fortunately I have no grandchildren, but if I did, I'm sure that my children would understand that however much I loved them, I would not be able to do this.