To think her her need for respect doesn’t trump mine?

[Tonightsthenight91]

Prefacing this by saying I know this isn’t the end of the world and it’s not a war but it’s just really getting on my tits if I’m honest.

I have a family member (let’s call her H) who is very very religious, married an equally religious man, and is raising equally religious kids. Fine, I respect that - our beliefs are different but that’s more than ok, I am actually deeply interested in other peoples religions and cultures and find it makes for interesting conversations 95% of the time.

however, I feel like my whole family feel like everyone should dance to her tune just because of her beliefs.

example: a family holiday has been proposed. H won’t be happy for me (an adult and a mother) to drink/get drunk, wear anything revealing such as a tie string bikini, swear, listen to non-secular music within her ear shot, watch your average TV with her in the room etc. and the rest of my family will expect me to tow the line “because I have to respect H”

H doesn’t respect or listen to my beliefs (which I don’t try and force on anyone or even bring up, it’s only if it comes up in conversation). Says my beliefs are witchcraft and a sin.

other examples are:

• won’t come to family parties as she doesn’t want to be around alcohol
• Has opinions on everyone’s clothing (her kids have been known in the past to say people should be ashamed for their short skirts)
• censors photographs of teenagers in our family with emojis (e.g if they’re wearing a tight T-shirt she’ll put a big flower emoji over the chest area on her social media)
• tells me she’ll pray for me and actively prays for me to “see the light” and open my heart. I don’t feel comfortable with this.
• wont allow me to stay over with my partner as we’re not married but we’ve been together 12 years and have 2 kids (which is absolutely her right as it’s her home, but it kind of sets the undertone for other settings)
• Thinks being gay is absolutely wrong and sinful and there’s no two ways about it. Despite us having gay people in the family whom she also prays for.
• has very blatantly spoke about other religions in a less than acceptable way

Whilst I do respect her and her beliefs, AIBU to think she should let me be too? Why should I have to change how I behave just because her religion disapproves? Aside from religion, H as a person is funny, sporty, interesting and outgoing. I know none of what she says is through malice but I’m just feeling really irked at the thought of being censored on this holiday

Sometimes that might be gently pointing out if they are doing something which might get in the way of their relationships with God, and I am always very cautious about doing that.

Hmm. You mean you do that with other members of your church? Because obviously atheists wouldn't have any kind of relationship with god. Hard to have a relationship with something that doesn't exist.

I'd avoid her OP. I don't want to pussyfoot around bigotry being given the green light because 'religion'. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

I would have difficulty going on a holiday with "H". I was struck by your second paragraph. I have a sibling who found God and faith later in life, after somewhat of a rocky backstory. Her new found faith about fifteen years ago, bordered on zealotry, and was hard to deal with. Eventually, over time my sibling, has calmed down somewhat, and no longer preaches the Lords Way to me. We have had some interesting "debates" - with me reacting to her view that all other Gods are false idols etc. She also used to say to me that she was praying for me to be let into Heaven (when the time came). I advised her not to bother as Hell seemed a better set up - where the fun people go!! Once she house sat for me when I had to go away and she kindly looked after my cat - months later my mum told me that she sprinkled Holy water in all rooms to bless my space. I was upset about that intrusion - but kept it to myself. I guess, I'm just empathising with how difficult and hard it is to come face to face with this.

Op I think it's absolutely mad to even be thinking about changing your behavior in any way to accommodate this person's mad fairy beliefs..

Why not turn up with a new religion worshipping garden gnomes?.. Make everyone touch his nose abd pay respects to him and hand out red wolly hats too cover head?

Make everyone stand awadkldy to one of side to honour the gnome...

It's absolutely bonkers. Go, be yourself, ignore all and lead the charge of freedom

I wouldn't go and it's awful other people pander to her. The nasty comment about your cousin is disgraceful

Hi all apologies for not popping back sooner, I have my in-laws round today and we’re all getting a bit merry over lunch (shock, it’s a Sunday - Fire and brimstone to me 😂)

good suggestions RE booking separate accommodation, although I imagine the main issues would arise during evening meals where most of the drinking activities would take place.

this definitely isn’t new she’s been this religious for approx the last 20-25 years or so.

somebody asked if she has a job - yes - she is in fact a teacher 🙃 however has been suspended pending investigation for saying something incredibly offensive to a Muslim child.

on the face of it all, I wouldn’t imagine she would bring any of this up on a daily basis, it’s more the fact that I know it WOULD arise verbally at some point during the trip. Plus the general being made to feel uncomfortable due to clothing drinking and a lot of tsk tsk tsk that would really grate on me. I’d likely end up saying something and then as history has it she’d unleash every thing that’s unholy about my lifestyle.

I think I’m going to give it a miss! Just talking about a trip with my lovely DPs family over lunch currently instead 😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

She’s been suspended for being offensive to a Muslim child? And she’s a teacher?

‘Kin ‘ell…

There's a thread going currently about soul survivor and how people end up behaving like this. Might be quite insightful in understanding her better. It'll show up if you search for Mike pilavachi.

Anyway, you absolutely should make it clear that you are not going because you'd have to censor your behaviour or be accused of excluding her. Make sure they know their decision to act that way is excluding you instead.

Yep. Probably completely outed myself by posting that if any of my family are on here. But it was to the tune of muslim god is a (insert word for people attracted to children). She’s not denied it as she said that’s the truth and that’s her religious belief.

Why would you even contemplate this idea of a holiday for any more than it takes for your brain to go “nah, fucking HELL to the No!” @Tonightsthenight91

The “MIL” I have who is similar to your relative used to be a teacher too! I think the educational system allowed it for some time.

Quote about religion

"A religion is a bit like a penis, it's OK to have one, it's OK to really really like it, it's NOT OK to wave it around in someone's face"

That's not a family "holiday".

That's a family week away at H's cult where she dictates to everyone how they should think feel and behave.

Sod that.

It would be a no from me

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This made me laugh out loud and ds asked me what was funny.

I read it to 19yo ds. He thought this would be hilarious!

😳😳😳

It would definitely be a memorable family holiday! I could imagine H spluttering and mumbling about how inappropriate it is.....in my mind H is definitely Hyacinth Bucket😂

Oh merciful Christ she needs a butterfly net, not religion.

I'd be distancing myself from H and certainly wouldn't go on holiday with her. To enjoy a relaxing time with anyone you need to be broadly on the same page. For example, I don't drink alcohol (migraine trigger), but of course I don't mind if other family members do. Personally I don't think I have the figure for a bikini (ha ha) but I wouldn't just anyone else whatever they wore. It sounds like you'd all be "tip toeing" around her religious beliefs. I'd go pretty low contact and certainly wouldn't holiday together.

This is the problem with religion - it deals in fundamentals (why are we here? what happens when we die? etc) so it is inexorably drawn towards fundamentalism: I am right and everyone else is wrong.

This poor woman sounds quite disturbed. I certainly would not go on a holiday with her.

Her behaviour is actually quite rude.

I would like to pick up on the phrase "Muslim child" - there is no such thing as a Muslim child, only a child with Muslim parents.

I’m Christian. I’ve been part of some very fundamentalist churches in the past (thank goodness escaped). She’s way way beyond any teaching I’ve encountered. Sounds cult like teaching.

Religious freedoms are practicing your beliefs not imposing them on others.

Seriously just don't go on holiday with them. Why would you?

I wouldn't spend any time with someone like this family or not.

I wouldn't respect her beliefs. She's trying to impose her system on everyone else, and this doesn't deserve respect. Allowing her to do this is not respect. respect is accepting that she won't attend an event if alcohol is served, not removing the alcohol and forcing everyone else to folow her rules.

How about taking along a ouija board for light after dinner holiday entertainment?

Can you rope in a friend to take to wear matching string bikinis and do shots out of each others tummy buttons??