To think her her need for respect doesn’t trump mine?

[Tonightsthenight91]

Prefacing this by saying I know this isn’t the end of the world and it’s not a war but it’s just really getting on my tits if I’m honest.

I have a family member (let’s call her H) who is very very religious, married an equally religious man, and is raising equally religious kids. Fine, I respect that - our beliefs are different but that’s more than ok, I am actually deeply interested in other peoples religions and cultures and find it makes for interesting conversations 95% of the time.

however, I feel like my whole family feel like everyone should dance to her tune just because of her beliefs.

example: a family holiday has been proposed. H won’t be happy for me (an adult and a mother) to drink/get drunk, wear anything revealing such as a tie string bikini, swear, listen to non-secular music within her ear shot, watch your average TV with her in the room etc. and the rest of my family will expect me to tow the line “because I have to respect H”

H doesn’t respect or listen to my beliefs (which I don’t try and force on anyone or even bring up, it’s only if it comes up in conversation). Says my beliefs are witchcraft and a sin.

other examples are:

• won’t come to family parties as she doesn’t want to be around alcohol
• Has opinions on everyone’s clothing (her kids have been known in the past to say people should be ashamed for their short skirts)
• censors photographs of teenagers in our family with emojis (e.g if they’re wearing a tight T-shirt she’ll put a big flower emoji over the chest area on her social media)
• tells me she’ll pray for me and actively prays for me to “see the light” and open my heart. I don’t feel comfortable with this.
• wont allow me to stay over with my partner as we’re not married but we’ve been together 12 years and have 2 kids (which is absolutely her right as it’s her home, but it kind of sets the undertone for other settings)
• Thinks being gay is absolutely wrong and sinful and there’s no two ways about it. Despite us having gay people in the family whom she also prays for.
• has very blatantly spoke about other religions in a less than acceptable way

Whilst I do respect her and her beliefs, AIBU to think she should let me be too? Why should I have to change how I behave just because her religion disapproves? Aside from religion, H as a person is funny, sporty, interesting and outgoing. I know none of what she says is through malice but I’m just feeling really irked at the thought of being censored on this holiday

Bloody hell!

I asked about if she had a job. I thought it might have forced her to be more balanced - obviously not.

So she will probably be sacked for her religious beliefs. She will find it hard to get another job again. I hope her faith will pay her mortgage and keep her warm during winter

You have to go, you need to represent, otherwise she has won

Not only would I not respect homophobia and other bigotry - I wouldn't accept it or expose myself or my children to it.

I certainly would not be going on this holiday and neither would my kids.

Is she LDS? No drinking, swearing or revealing clothes sounds like my church, although I'd never say anything offensive to a Muslim child, and I'm not hardline about any of those things! Generally I don't care what other people do, unless it's hurting someone else, or hurting animals. Either way if she's going to be offensive about your beliefs (Wicca or Paganism? Guessing because of the 'witchcraft' comment,) you have no reason to bend over backwards to accommodate hers! She'd hate me, I go to church but love the local 'witchy' shop, where I regularly chat to the Christian lady who does Tarot readings there, and the man who runs it is a Christian Orthodox. You can be a Christian and practice witchcraft, that would blow her mind!

I am Christian. She sounds way too intense and judgy.

I would avoid her if you can, wont do much for your kids self esteem in big doses.

Honestly she would think im awful 😂 i stand outside church vaping then take a big glug of the wine in communion. Haha

How can you be Christian and do witchcraft? Scripture is clear that God hates witchcraft. Im not trying to derail the thread but am genuinely curious how the two can be reconciled. Knowing someone who professes to be Christian but does tarot doesn't count. If people want to do witchcraft, they are free to of course, but it is not compatible with Christianity at all.

Hmmmm she certainly sounds...... Interesting

The kind of interesting that is best avoided that is.

Either go and do whatever the fuck you want, and don't go and make sure everyone knows why. She's homophobic and intolerant and judgmental, you don't have to respect that.

Are you ok? Children can identify with and “have” a religious identity—have you never heard of cradle catholics or baptism?

It's unlikely a small child will have made an informed decision.

In any case, why would that mean that the PP is not okay?

Children are born without a religion. There is no such thing as a Muslim child, or a Catholic child - they are just children whose parents pursue a particular religion.

Cradle catholics are simply children whose parents have chosen to adopt a particular brand of Christianity - the child is untainted by religion and is simply a child.

Wait, she says that about a relative and yet your family still take her side?

Yeah fuck that, not sure I'd want to go on holiday with any of them tbh.

Because the idea that people need to be of age or give informed consent to their family’s religious identity is so culturally bound and blinkered. It also came across as quite insulting and dismissive of the child’s experience and family concerns.

I am an atheist, myself, and consider all religions absurd—but it should be obvious that for many communities religious identity is constitutive of human identity. It often precedes birth and is understood to outlast the mortal body. The right of the individual to their religious identity is so real and significant that pregnant women and children can get killed for being in the wrong religion. Religious identity can be passed from parent to child. Religious identity in the UK used to determine political rights!

Its not for you, or that other poster, to dismiss that child’s identity as non existent or insignificant just because of the narrow, ahistorical, and culturally bigoted notions you have.

I still don't see how any one that would prompt a concern for the posters welfare.

oh thats a typical MN gentle insult. I learned it here through observation.

Oh so you're passive aggressive insulting someone for disagreeing with you. Lovely.

No that poster didn’t disagree with me. She commented upthread. She commented essentially in support oof bigoted sister who was censured for harming a muslim child by attacking Islam while in her role as child’s teacher. The implication of the poster’s comment, if taken to its logical conclusion, is that the child could not have been harmed as the child was not muslim, therefore the teacher’s bigotry was not cause for censure.

Your making a lot of baseless assumptions to justify making personal insults. Fine, whatever makes you feel superior.