To think her her need for respect doesn’t trump mine?

[Tonightsthenight91]

Prefacing this by saying I know this isn’t the end of the world and it’s not a war but it’s just really getting on my tits if I’m honest.

I have a family member (let’s call her H) who is very very religious, married an equally religious man, and is raising equally religious kids. Fine, I respect that - our beliefs are different but that’s more than ok, I am actually deeply interested in other peoples religions and cultures and find it makes for interesting conversations 95% of the time.

however, I feel like my whole family feel like everyone should dance to her tune just because of her beliefs.

example: a family holiday has been proposed. H won’t be happy for me (an adult and a mother) to drink/get drunk, wear anything revealing such as a tie string bikini, swear, listen to non-secular music within her ear shot, watch your average TV with her in the room etc. and the rest of my family will expect me to tow the line “because I have to respect H”

H doesn’t respect or listen to my beliefs (which I don’t try and force on anyone or even bring up, it’s only if it comes up in conversation). Says my beliefs are witchcraft and a sin.

other examples are:

• won’t come to family parties as she doesn’t want to be around alcohol
• Has opinions on everyone’s clothing (her kids have been known in the past to say people should be ashamed for their short skirts)
• censors photographs of teenagers in our family with emojis (e.g if they’re wearing a tight T-shirt she’ll put a big flower emoji over the chest area on her social media)
• tells me she’ll pray for me and actively prays for me to “see the light” and open my heart. I don’t feel comfortable with this.
• wont allow me to stay over with my partner as we’re not married but we’ve been together 12 years and have 2 kids (which is absolutely her right as it’s her home, but it kind of sets the undertone for other settings)
• Thinks being gay is absolutely wrong and sinful and there’s no two ways about it. Despite us having gay people in the family whom she also prays for.
• has very blatantly spoke about other religions in a less than acceptable way

Whilst I do respect her and her beliefs, AIBU to think she should let me be too? Why should I have to change how I behave just because her religion disapproves? Aside from religion, H as a person is funny, sporty, interesting and outgoing. I know none of what she says is through malice but I’m just feeling really irked at the thought of being censored on this holiday

H is actually sinning herself. As a Christian you have to show patience, love and forgiveness to everyone. (Love thy neighbour n all)

So she should love and forgive you for all your "sinning"..

By failing to love and forgive you - she's a sinner.

If that makes sense. I don't know why Jesus died on the cross but he sure as shit couldn't give a flying flap about who wears what. 😊 thankfully most Christians know that....

What a pity she hasn’t found Jesus. Nice fella by all accounts, enjoyed a drop of wine and was a bit of craic. Friends with all sorts. Bit of a scandal too with his mum being pregnant before getting married.

I suppose we should pray for her

So who, in her belief, brought gay people into the world, if not the god she worships and who is all-knowing and infallible?

I would not be going and I would tell her why.I wouldn't waste any of my precious time on her. And her equally obnoxious husband/kids.

I would simply reject the proposal of the family holiday. Just say that the whole family has such a wide range of views and expectations of what should be for on a holiday that it will just lead to tension and it is not what you want to spend your holiday time doing.

I'd then be seeking to minimise the time spent around H, don't bother talking to her about your beliefs or anything else and every time she offers her unsolicited opinion on your beliefs make sure it is clear to her that she has overstepped and offended you.

Ahhh, so reading between the lines she’s a reformed “wild child”? Still no way she’d be ruining my holiday(or life)

Is the separate accommodation an option so that you dip in and out?

I imagine it will be a right laugh when her DC reach the age of rebellion.

Not all deeply religious people are like this. I have a Jehovah’s Witness as a friend and she never tries to impose her views on me, nor does she judge my lifestyle. Likewise my religious Muslim friends.

My ex best friend was a raging Christian and I would have to google for bible passages to stop her from dominating every conversation. I used it to fight fire with fire.

It did work. She made most joint holidays unenjoyable. Don't do it OP!

Misled by the devil and can be “saved” by turning to god apparently. She’s seen it happen multiple times as it where 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

She sounds like people who stop smoking, take drugs, drink too much.
They get a bit evangelical 😡

The irony is they’re as strict as she is. Her daughter who is 17 also censores her friends body’s/clothing on social media.

I have religious friends from pretty much every religion I can think of. Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists. None of them are in any way extreme so it does make me wonder

On the nose.

I wouldn't want my children anywhere near people with such adherence to patriarchal superstition. So the feelings would be mutual.

I'm a pretty fundamentalist Christian but I don't try to control others, nor expect them to abide by my beliefs. My husband is a non believer and I converted after marriage. It actually says in the Bible not to judge non believers by the same standards as other believers. Christians are, Biblically, supposed to support their fellow believers in their faith. Sometimes that might be gently pointing out if they are doing something which might get in the way of their relationships with God, and I am always very cautious about doing that.

Most of my friends and family are non believers and I would never dream of commenting on anything that they do. They often live their lives in ways which don't align with my beliefs and I would never comment unless I was being directly affected (eg being asked to do something that compromised my beliefs). Let me find the scripture.

1 Corinthians 5

12 It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning.

It would be a shame to miss out on a family holiday and you have said that generally she is fun to be with. What would she actually do if you were something she did not approve of? I am pretty traditional and yet my children wear what they choose on holiday now as they are agreed 17 plus and I don't control them.
Would she actually say something or is it just that you know what she thinks on various matters?

Sounds like she has severe mental health issues that people have put down to her being a Christian. If that's Christianity, that's messed up. Do not go.

She honestly sounds like a bigoted, judgemental pain in the arse.
I have a close friend who is Muslim and he and his wife would always join in with nights out, just have cola while the rest of the group had a bottle of wine etc. I've never had a "I'll pray to Allah" lecture from him and I can't imagine this sort of judgement and disdain ever crossing his mind.
Being "religious" isn't the blank cheque to being an arsehole and I don't know if I'd be associating with her full stop, never mind going on holiday with her.

Ah. I had one of those in my life OP. Reformed "sinner", swapped one cult for another. Repeatedly and several times over.

Untreated serious MH issues behind it all.

Tis frightfully common....

This. Apart from it should be FUCK THAT!

She doesn’t sound like a nice person to me. She sounds like a total PITA and not someone I would want to spend any time with.

Absolutely fucking not a chance I'd be going to Asda with her, let alone on holiday

Don't go! You don't have to.