to dislike being called tall?

[Wednesdayweekday]

Brief context: I’m between 5’8 and 5’9, so above average but not some kind of giant, have suffered a lifetime of bullying (though not necessarily about height) and am also naturally self conscious.

I’ve found some people make comments about me being tall. My ex’s grandma (from a family of wildly below-average height people) once simply said to me at a Christmas gathering “aren’t you tall?”

I didn’t know her, probably met her maybe twice? We’d never held a conversation with one another other than to say hello. I felt it was unnecessary and a bit insensitive.

Yesterday I was at a wedding as my boyfriend’s plus 1 (his sons wedding). I didn’t know anyone, never met them before. We were conversing with another couple, who my bf had known for many years. At one point, the man in the couple (not very tall himself) made a comment along the lines of “you’re a tall girl” or similar. No reason for it, and didn’t sound malicious, but I just felt wildly uncomfortable, and a bit annoyed. I was wearing heels (always as low as possible because of being conscious of myself and NOT wanting to look too tall) so slightly above my usual height. (Not the case at the Christmas gathering situation above).

In both these situations I feel it would be inappropriate for my reply to be “and you’re very short aren’t you?”, and it would be even MORE offensive for me to bring it up out of nowhere “gosh, aren’t you short?”

Is it just me? I think that any body-related comments are completely inappropriate: mentioning someone’s height, weight, hair colour, or literally any other defining characteristic. Especially when you don’t know the person from Adam?!

I find it honestly bizarre and insulting. I realise this probably isn’t the intention, but you’ve no idea how people feel about themselves. Anything more than a generic “you look nice” (if you really MUST comment on appearance) feels inappropriate to me.

There have been other instances too, but this recent one just made me want to ask other’s opinions?

Yes people are sometimes passremarkable and it's a bit rude. I'd honestly be more annoyed at being called a "tall girl" since you are clearly a grown woman if you're attending the wedding of your partner's son.

You're being sensitive. I'm 5'9" it is tall compared to the average in the UK of 5' 3". It could be worse. I've been told I was too tall to be a woman in India and a giraffe in Thailand...

I'm tall and I get you, OP. It's wearing. I'm 5.10.. Being shorter or taller than average are both difficult to navigate, especially depending whether you're a man or a woman. The constant comments. Speaking as a woman, the assumption is that as a tall woman you can take anything, that you're somehow less vulnerable, emotionally and physically, that it's somehow less 'feminine' the more physical space you take up. You're less likely to be accompanied home from an event because it's assumed you can fend for yourself or less likely to be assaulted because you're tall. I told my GP that a man had tried to assault me once, and he was surprised because 'you're so tall!' Then there's those who are against you BECAUSE you're tall, BECAUSE the think you're not vulnerable, they want to take you down a peg or two, not understanding that you're just ordinary person who happens to be tall. You didn't pinch their fair share of height, you just happened to be born tall.. Who cares about looking like a model?! Or a queen?! Or those men who 'love tall women!. Just like me for myself!

Nobody is questioning whether these comments are true. We're meant to apparently take it as some sort of compliment (for stating the obvious?!) when in fact it is pretty rude and tedious to comment on people's appearance.

Be aware that it can be 'othering', disconcerting and unwanted.

Maybe it's personal life experience as a tall woman?

So surely highlighting that its not universally desirable will help those people stop commenting on other people's bodies? It should be universally considered rude to comment on other people's bodies unsolicited no matter what feature it is they are commenting on, or what their rational behind it is. I would never dream of commenting on a strangers physical attributes but am subjected them multiple times a day!

@Illegally18 appalling GP response.

See also tall children being expected to be more mature and academically advanced than shorter classmates.

I took my DS to see father Christmas just after he turned 6 - declared this on the booking. The elves had run out of age 5-7 toys and gave him the 8-10. When I questioned they just said he was a "great tall boy". Doesn't mean had the motor skills for fiddly knock off Mecano.

Oh of course. I just don't understand how people define femininity by height. I am a tall woman myself and find it disheartening that some women want to feel feminine but don't because of their height.

Not all of society. It is an individual preference.

I’ve had this my whole life, I’m 6ft1, and trust me it is not complimentary. It’s usually commented on by short men who feel threatened by me and are trying their negging techniques out on me. It’s depressing.

Probably due to the constant comments over the last 30 odd years about being butch, too tall, manly, a bouncer, a German shot putter, a drag Queen…all by short men trying to neg me.

If it happens only sometimes, and you don't mind it, fair enough.

For me, I don't like it. And it literally happens daily. On the street, clients in work, in the supermarket. It makes me very self conscious. That is draining. I'm also more than my height, but yet it's the only thing new people talk to me about. I fail to see how anyone can't recognise that as draining?

And a lot of the comments are derogatory. Are you really that tall or are you standing on a box? What's the weather like up there? Oh you're a big tall girl. You'll never get a man being that height. Bean pole. Bean stalk. Lanky. Being referred to as "legs" or "legs 11" instead of my name. I don't care what anyone says, they are not compliments. And maybe there are a few nice genuine ones in yhe middle, but when you're so worn down with the derogatory ones, you miss them.

It's just so unnecessary. Even if it's just an observational "you're tall!" - well, yes I know. I didn't wake up this morning for the first time at 6ft aged 35!

I would love to be short. Used to wish for it so badly in my teen years. Desperately. Yet I still manage to walk past short people without pointing out that they are short, despite me thinking its a compliment because it's what I would like for myself. It's still unsolicited. It's still uninvited. Its still rude. If I'm lacking for small talk, the weather is a universally safe topic! And no, not the weather "up here."

The thing I've disliked the most about this thread, is some tall women poster about how it makes them uncomfortable, and people telling us we're wrong to feel uncomfortable because x y z.

I'm 5'10 and have always enjoyed being taller than average. When someone makes a comment like the ones you're talking about I just thank them! ✌🏼

How do you mean? Why would he not take me with him?

he was married previously, they had a son, now divorced and he’s with me. Son got married, so I went with my bf as his partner

I can't believe the number of people saying YABU.

To be honest, I think it is bloody rude of people to comment on the appearance of others, whether or not they think it is a positive. For years, DH has had many people say to him "Ooh, aren't you thin?!". Well yes, he is, but how rude of people to point it out. They wouldn't say "Ooh, aren't you fat?!" so why do they think it is appropriate to comment on his thin-ness?

It is totally crass and appalling bad manners to remark on someone else's bodily features.

I think I'd prepare a set of comments that aren't rude but which stop people when they say that.

Things like

'Nah, it's just clever dressing'
'It's all mirrors and lighting'
'Yes, isn't it simply wonderful?!'

Things that leave them with nowhere to go.

Need to catch up on replies, but just want to say thanks to all those tall (and short) folk out there who understand where I’m coming from! Relived that it’s not just me that finds this rude and inappropriate, and props to all those who have the guts to say something back (an observation of course, not an “insult” 😜)

Regarding insecurities, everyone has them to some degree, and my own won’t help here, but that’s not entirely to blame. It’s still not appropriate. It could even eventually wear down the most confident of people and make them self conscious.

At the end of the day, bullying of any kind is simply picking out someone’s differences and making something out of it - whether that’s height, weight, race, glasses, sexuality etc. So on the whole it’s not nice to have your differences pointed out to you in such a way. That’s how I look at it anyway, and is why I’d never go up to someone and comment on their physical attributes, appearance, or anything else about them they’ve no control over.

I guess the summary of all of this is sometimes people point out physical attributes. Often, the recipient isn't bothered and sees it as harmless smalltalk. Sometimes, the recipient is upset or annoyed about it and needs to decide whether to let it go or challenge them on it. Personally, unless the intention is to insult or offend, I would choose to let it go.

Considering men's reactions to the 12ft vampire lady in that video game

I'd say men do fine tall women attractive

If I was being sensitive I’d have gone and cried in a corner. Instead I just felt miffed and thought “how rude and ignorant”. I then wondered if others felt the same.

Even if someone is thick skinned, which you wouldn’t know anyway if they’re a stranger, it’s not appropriate to make comments on their physical attributes.

We don’t need people to tell us how tall we are - we have tape measures, we walk about amongst other folk every days. It’s not something we need to be informed about.

I am also tall and l just reply "Yes, like a beautiful sunflower".

I often get asked at work to get items off the top shelves for the shorter customers.
l remember when l was much younger and a lad l liked at a party remarked "Your really long". At the time l wasn't impressed but it does make me smile now.

I am 6ft and ginger, so you can imagine the things I got said to me, even as an adult .
I can't see how the comments you received were bad, unless you have a problem with being tall, which you aren't, really

I’ve literally said, on more than one occasion, it’s not appropriate to comment on people’s physical attributes. The point I am making is that being tall appears to be considered acceptable to comment on, and I can’t understand why.

Like your friends hair, people may think they’re being complementary, or even just think they’re kit being rude, when actually they are.

Once again, I didn’t say that no one makes other rude comments to people, what I’m saying is that those other comments are accepted as being rude! And confirming to those who are unaware that it’s also rude to comment that someone is tall. Absolutely agree regarding skinny - same thing, no appropriate to comment as you’ve no idea how they feel about it. Of course I used height as it’s the one I’ve been subject to myself, but I’ve literally already covered all the points you keep making?!

As mentioned earlier, if it was actually phrased as a compliment, and coming from another woman who wanted to be tall (and thus couldn’t understand that tall people may feel conscious of it) then it would be more tolerable. Eg “I’d love to be tall like you” not simply saying “you’re tall” which as mentioned by a pp, makes you feel like you’ve been noticed for being some huge, unwieldy freak.

I can, and should, expect people to be polite enough to not make a comment on my physical attributes which I have no control over. A general “you look nice” or similar is a more appropriate compliment if someone were genuinely trying to tell me they liked how I looked.

Tall isn’t universally desirable, therefore it can’t just be assumed to be a positive thing to point out.

Not something I lose sleep over, but rude and ignorant for sure.

People shouldn't comment on how others look but being tall is widely seen as a good thing so there people are complimenting you.