to dislike being called tall?

[Wednesdayweekday]

Brief context: I’m between 5’8 and 5’9, so above average but not some kind of giant, have suffered a lifetime of bullying (though not necessarily about height) and am also naturally self conscious.

I’ve found some people make comments about me being tall. My ex’s grandma (from a family of wildly below-average height people) once simply said to me at a Christmas gathering “aren’t you tall?”

I didn’t know her, probably met her maybe twice? We’d never held a conversation with one another other than to say hello. I felt it was unnecessary and a bit insensitive.

Yesterday I was at a wedding as my boyfriend’s plus 1 (his sons wedding). I didn’t know anyone, never met them before. We were conversing with another couple, who my bf had known for many years. At one point, the man in the couple (not very tall himself) made a comment along the lines of “you’re a tall girl” or similar. No reason for it, and didn’t sound malicious, but I just felt wildly uncomfortable, and a bit annoyed. I was wearing heels (always as low as possible because of being conscious of myself and NOT wanting to look too tall) so slightly above my usual height. (Not the case at the Christmas gathering situation above).

In both these situations I feel it would be inappropriate for my reply to be “and you’re very short aren’t you?”, and it would be even MORE offensive for me to bring it up out of nowhere “gosh, aren’t you short?”

Is it just me? I think that any body-related comments are completely inappropriate: mentioning someone’s height, weight, hair colour, or literally any other defining characteristic. Especially when you don’t know the person from Adam?!

I find it honestly bizarre and insulting. I realise this probably isn’t the intention, but you’ve no idea how people feel about themselves. Anything more than a generic “you look nice” (if you really MUST comment on appearance) feels inappropriate to me.

There have been other instances too, but this recent one just made me want to ask other’s opinions?

I'm 6ft and agree entirely. The constant comments on my height on a daily fucking basis is draining. 90% it's the opening thing someone says to me when they meet me. But you're not allowed to complain because apparently its better than being short! I hate being tall. I can't find clothes that fit, I always stick out, I cant hide away, I'm so self conscious about it and there's these stupid constant remarks, jokes etc even when people think they're being complimentary. I think people saying YABU aren't tall and don't know what it's like. Just don't comment on other people's bodies. It's rude.

As a tall person, most of the tall comments i receive have the undertone of the second category, not the first.

”you’re a tall girl” or similar. No reason for it, and didn’t sound malicious, but I just felt wildly uncomfortable, and a bit annoyed
This is an extreme reaction?!
Do you think being tall is a negative thing? (You’re not that tall, anyway)
If he’d said fat I could understand your discomfort, but a comment on someone’s height shouldn’t be upsetting at all.
Imagining it to be potentially malicious says more about your own hang ups, really.

Sorry to break it to you, but yes, short is considered as a negative. That's why people tie themselves in knots to avoid saying it. Did you never wonder why?

Well that's the point of the thread, isn't it.

Yes! "Oh, you're a big tall girl!" If you really must comment, just use tall.

Are you that obtuse that you can't see that being tall is seen as a desirable physical feature (as opposed to being short, being fat, being bald) which is why people comment on it?!

Im 6ft 6 ft 2 with heels, i used to care but now i dont, its usually shorter men that comment i usually give some acidic reply shuts them up

I've never had anything other than positive comments about being tall.

Being fat's a different matter of course!

I love being tall.

You're a perfect model height OP.

It's not always desirable though is it? Other than models, women being petite and tiny and taking up less space is considered far more feminine! I dislike being tall and it makes me self conscious. Just because someone else deems it desirable, doesn't mean i should constantly (and I mean constantly) be open to hearing remarks about it. To me, being shorter is desirable, but I have the good manners not to point short people's height to them because I have the awareness that they might not like it!

I'm 5ft 1. Often referred to as short, petite, bijoux. All very accurate. I'm not so keen on being called a hobbit or a leprechaun!

Tall is a reasonably accurate description of someone your height. It isn't an insult.

YANBU. I just don't comment on anyone's appearance, it's the safest way.

I get it OP. My DD is about 5’7.5” not extremely tall but definitely taller than most women. My sister is 5’0” (I’m 5’6.5”) and she always has to make a comment about how tall my DD is. She even asked her how did she get so tall. And none of this would bother me too much except she’s always going on about how short she is, how she’s barely 5 feet, how her son 9yr old son is almost as tall as she is. And now she’s worried about him being tall and is taking him to an endocrinologist. It’s annoying.

Luckily it doesn’t bother DD but it bothers me as I hated being called big and tall and I still have a problem with my height. I think it’s very rude because some people can have insecurities around their height and you never know how it will affect them.

I'm just under 6 ft so wouldn't consider your height tall to be honest.

Yeah, that's why I said it's seen as a desirable physical feature, which is why people think it's OK to comment on it, whereas commenting on someone's short stature is universally considered rude.

"Explain how “you’re a tall girl” is even remotely comparable to “you look amazing”, “your hair is beautiful” or “I love your dress”?"

Because they are all compliments

Being tall is considered a positive.

Conversely, being short is a negative and so not mentioned. A bit like you wouldn't point out someone is fat (breaking news - slimness is also considered a positive feature). I guess we will now get obese posters upset and saying people go out of their way not to mention their fatness because it's just a normal every day descriptor and we don't comment on any aspect of a person's physical body.

Same, I'm 5' 8" and a half, and I rarely get tall comments! I didn't think it was that tall 😂

Tall and slim are seen as positive attributes so saying to someone “aren’t you tall” or “aren’t you slim” is mainly deemed acceptable whereas “aren’t you short” or “aren’t you fat” is unacceptable. Not saying it’s right but I think a lot of people do think like that.

I often get called a dwarf or a Smurf or worse as I am not even 4ft 11!

Ah I didn’t see this post before I added mine.

It's a compliment!

I don't understand the logic of some posters views that shorter women are seen as more "feminine". One's perception of femininity is so much more than their height. You can absolutely be tall and feminine, just like you can be short and perceived as masculine or lacking in femininity.

I don’t see it as a negative, and I don’t quite understand why people do. To me, people who think being short is some misfortune are extraordinarily shallow and, well, lacking in imagination.

You mean ... society thinks ...

The same as society thinks being handsome or beautiful is better than being plain, slim better than fat etc. They are just societal beliefs.

Some cultures believe being fat is a positive, as an example. Some probably value shortness more than tallness.

It's just the societal norm. Western societal belief is that tall is positive, short is negative. We can still individually believe the opposite but that's an individual thing. It doesn't change the societal norm.

I find this thread so weird. I'm tall. People sometimes comment. We then make smalltalk. I'm really surprised at how many people get angry or upset by this, pp describing it as 'draining' etc.