to dislike being called tall?

[Wednesdayweekday]

Brief context: I’m between 5’8 and 5’9, so above average but not some kind of giant, have suffered a lifetime of bullying (though not necessarily about height) and am also naturally self conscious.

I’ve found some people make comments about me being tall. My ex’s grandma (from a family of wildly below-average height people) once simply said to me at a Christmas gathering “aren’t you tall?”

I didn’t know her, probably met her maybe twice? We’d never held a conversation with one another other than to say hello. I felt it was unnecessary and a bit insensitive.

Yesterday I was at a wedding as my boyfriend’s plus 1 (his sons wedding). I didn’t know anyone, never met them before. We were conversing with another couple, who my bf had known for many years. At one point, the man in the couple (not very tall himself) made a comment along the lines of “you’re a tall girl” or similar. No reason for it, and didn’t sound malicious, but I just felt wildly uncomfortable, and a bit annoyed. I was wearing heels (always as low as possible because of being conscious of myself and NOT wanting to look too tall) so slightly above my usual height. (Not the case at the Christmas gathering situation above).

In both these situations I feel it would be inappropriate for my reply to be “and you’re very short aren’t you?”, and it would be even MORE offensive for me to bring it up out of nowhere “gosh, aren’t you short?”

Is it just me? I think that any body-related comments are completely inappropriate: mentioning someone’s height, weight, hair colour, or literally any other defining characteristic. Especially when you don’t know the person from Adam?!

I find it honestly bizarre and insulting. I realise this probably isn’t the intention, but you’ve no idea how people feel about themselves. Anything more than a generic “you look nice” (if you really MUST comment on appearance) feels inappropriate to me.

There have been other instances too, but this recent one just made me want to ask other’s opinions?

It’s just a comment-people say odd things just to have something to say. I’ve had, ‘you’re shorter than I thought you were!’ which bemused me!

Next time someone says that you are tall, say-well, not compared to <insert someone taller> but everything is relative, I guess!

I say that meaning it as a compliment. Being short is not something to compliment someone over.

Thanks :)
Yes, exactly this. I’ve spent my life having to write it off as “trivial” even though to me it was unpleasant. When I’ve later thought about the reverse “you’re short”, or like you say “you’re skinny” etc, it feels very rude.

You need to get some of these business cards to hand out to anyone who comments! 😁
I am 5ft7, and get lots of comments about being tall. I don’t really mind but do find it odd as I am above average but not unusually tall. I’m 37, so not from an older generation who might have a lower average height. You should take up netball, that will make you feel like a short arse! 😂

Same height roughly and I've often had the same too. I never liked it either. I've had family come up to me before and comment what a 'big girl' I am. For a woman I don't think it's complimentary at all.
My DC are tall, one of my young DD's gets it all the time at school. Even her teacher at school has gone on and on about it and she's now really self conscious.

I agree with @SoftPillowAllNight, that's not unusual at all in the younger generation.

YANBU to not like it, that's your perogative.
And yes, I teach my kids that we don't comment on people's bodies, it's rude.

But as you're not particularly tall, why do stupid, offhand comments from short people bother you to this extent?

It'd be like someone telling me I'm tiny at 5'3 - no, I'm not.

How tall is your DP/BF/DH? As long as you are happy with his height I think you don't need to worry about what others say/think.

What has that got to do with anything?!

Average height for a woman in this country is 5ft 4. So 5ft 9 is actually quite tall. I'm sure everyone makes similar comments about how short a 4ft 11 woman is.

I'd absolutely love to be taller.. am short skinny and not curvy and have had horrible comments in pas about my body... Look like a child!.. Real men prefer curves!!... etc etc etc. Now I just simply don't care.... You get one life and one body enjoy it.

I know you hate it but honestly I’d love to be considered tall. I even think if I was tall I’d wear higher heels just for the hell of it and damn all the comments! I can but dream.

Hahaha! That made me smile! Good for her, give her a fist bump from me!

I’ve never wanted to risk being the “rude one” even though by all accounts they started it!

I'd banter back if speaker was short.
Increasingly I don't object to comments about bodies. The more I read that belief on MN, the less i can support it.

I'm 5'11 but I love being tall, I don't get comments that often but when I do I just say yes I am, or thank you. I also don't comment on others bodies, but as we can only control our own actions I don't bother getting offended by what other people say as what's the point really? I also don't feel the need to make a comeback comment because seems a bit pathetic to me.

I'm thin and used to get comments about needing to eat more, I'd slip through a drain cover etc.
I found the best thing to do is own it.
A) you take back control
B) The people who say it are often jealous and deliberately trying to make an unkind comment so agreeing with them throws them.

Next time say yes, aren't I lucky and then look the guy up and down making it obvious your assessing his lack of height.

It's in the same category as 'your hair is beautiful ' 'you look amazing' 'I love your dress'

You seem to be putting it in the same category as 'you're bald' 'you're fat' 'that dress looks frumpy '.

It's often considered nice to compliment people (see group one comments). It isn't considered nice to be rude or say hurtful things to people (see group 2 comments).

As someone nearer the short end of 5", I've made similar comments

When people make you feel tiny it's hard not to as you look up at them

It's an observation, it's not being said rudely and the issue is more your own insecurity

I know the "new" thing is to compliment things that the person controls: "I love that outfit", "the way you've done your hair looks amazing", "your always so happy" rather than "have you lost weight, you look slimmer?", "You're so tall, I wish I was taller", "you've got pretty eyes". But I think that the first can also be taken badly and the second set can boost some people's confidence so it's really a very delicate situation all round

Hmm, I’m inclined to disagree about tall being a compliment. If it was phrased as “oh I’d love to be tall, you look amazing” or similar, that’s clearly a compliment (I would still not enjoy it being pointed out, but it’s phrased in a positive light) however simply stating a characteristic of someone, which could easily be a dig from someone who doesn’t like you, isn’t complimentary.

Tall is some people’s ideal of beauty, but not everyone’s. So it can’t simply be taken as a compliment when made as an observation. This is why I feel it’s rude, insensitive and inappropriate to say.

I’m 5ft8 and I’ve had the same comments..nearly always from (shorter) men. On occasions it’s felt like negging to me. Very odd thing to say to someone and I agree I’d never dream of saying that or aren’t you short? to anyone!

But people DO comment on other bodily features just not to you because you don't have them!

As a short person believe me people comment on it all the time!
Same when I had glasses. When my sister had adult braces. My friend who is very skinny, another with red hair and one with loads of freckles and another who has a limb missing.

It is very rude to comment on someone else's appearance but it honestly is not something that only happens to you (or just to tall people!)

Im 5"9 and used to get those comments all the time and I absolutely hated it! My DD is 6ft and she hates it as well! I honestly don't know why people feel the need to say it, I wouldn't say to someone " oh aren't you fat" or " oh aren't you short".it's just rude!

I think some people just struggle for conversation. I imagine most of them mean it as simply an observation (albeit unwelcome) or as a compliment. I'm 5'7", so just a bit over the average and for some reason I get asked 'what height are you?' I don't know whether people are trying to decide if I'm tall or not, but it's a bit weird and not something I would ever dream of asking anyone!

I’ve had this all my life from two (shorter) close relatives. I am 5’7”! And the ensuing discussion about where in the family it has come from. And then I had children and it started all over again. It made me feel really self conscious and I hated it. I hate any aspect of my appearance being scrutinised. As a kid I just wanted to blend in and I still do as an adult!

I’m 5ft 9 and I love wearing heels (which make me 6ft +)

I never take it as an insult because I don’t believe that’s the intention of the comment.

It would get right on my tits OP. I am 5’6 and get told I’m “tall” by people much smaller than me and even that annoys me. My partner who is 6’4 thinks I’m short (which compared to my 6’7+ siblings I guess I am) so I suppose it’s perspective.

However it’s always the vertically challenged that have so much to say about it - and always such unsolicited comments!