to dislike being called tall?

[Wednesdayweekday]

Brief context: I’m between 5’8 and 5’9, so above average but not some kind of giant, have suffered a lifetime of bullying (though not necessarily about height) and am also naturally self conscious.

I’ve found some people make comments about me being tall. My ex’s grandma (from a family of wildly below-average height people) once simply said to me at a Christmas gathering “aren’t you tall?”

I didn’t know her, probably met her maybe twice? We’d never held a conversation with one another other than to say hello. I felt it was unnecessary and a bit insensitive.

Yesterday I was at a wedding as my boyfriend’s plus 1 (his sons wedding). I didn’t know anyone, never met them before. We were conversing with another couple, who my bf had known for many years. At one point, the man in the couple (not very tall himself) made a comment along the lines of “you’re a tall girl” or similar. No reason for it, and didn’t sound malicious, but I just felt wildly uncomfortable, and a bit annoyed. I was wearing heels (always as low as possible because of being conscious of myself and NOT wanting to look too tall) so slightly above my usual height. (Not the case at the Christmas gathering situation above).

In both these situations I feel it would be inappropriate for my reply to be “and you’re very short aren’t you?”, and it would be even MORE offensive for me to bring it up out of nowhere “gosh, aren’t you short?”

Is it just me? I think that any body-related comments are completely inappropriate: mentioning someone’s height, weight, hair colour, or literally any other defining characteristic. Especially when you don’t know the person from Adam?!

I find it honestly bizarre and insulting. I realise this probably isn’t the intention, but you’ve no idea how people feel about themselves. Anything more than a generic “you look nice” (if you really MUST comment on appearance) feels inappropriate to me.

There have been other instances too, but this recent one just made me want to ask other’s opinions?

Yes both my daughters are taller than OP. They don’t give it much thought. Clothes always look better on them.

I didn’t say no one comments on other features, I clearly said that it’s rude to do so…. but for some strange reason people feel that saying you’re tall is acceptable. At no point have I suggested this only happens to me, I’m not sure whose posts you’re reading but it’s not mine…

It's just something people say. My DD is 6 foot and hears it all the time! She doesn't seem to mind. Embrace your height OP.

It’s not that tall

It most definitely isn't usually a compliment, any more than comments about being short, wearing glasses, having "frizzy" hear, freckles or any other physical characteristic.

And for young teens there are the delightful sniggers from the staff in shoe and clothes shops as they laugh at the idea of shoes over size 7 or under 3 or wanting trousers that at least reach your ankles.

I usually put it down to people being too thick and ignorant to come up with anything interesting to say. The same people rarely come up with useful comments on anything else.

It’s really interesting how many people say ‘you should take it as a compliment’

I can’t think of any films or TV shows where a female love interest is taller than her male partner. In fact, it seems more ‘desirable’ in main stream media generally to have a petite woman and a big strapping bloke who can pick her up and carry her over the threshold.

It’s not exactly seen as ‘optimal’ to have a woman several inches taller, is it?

I’m 5’1’’ and often get comments on being short especially since 2 of my children are now taller than me (they’re 13 & 11).
If anyone else need to get into the drivers seat in my car they always comment on how close the seat is to the pedals. I just laugh and tell them I’ve got short legs and need to reach the pedals somehow.
I never take it personally and am now often the first one to make the comment before others saying something like ‘yes I know I’m a short arse’.
If I was you I’d probably make comments similar to ‘I know I’m tall but it comes in handy when trying to reach the top shelf in the supermarkets’.

I'm tall and I've had comments in the past

I think a lot of people see being tall as a positive so that's why they think it's okay to comment

My mum said that you wouldn't go up to somebody and say you've got a really big nose or, you're really ugly

It's seen as okay to comment on somebody who's tall though

Would you go up to a man you've just met at a social gathering and comment on his bald head, no. It's okay to comment if somebody is tall though

But have you considered that you short people make us tall people feel huge and unwieldy? And that perhaps we don’t want you to point that out? The same way as you wouldn’t want tall people glowering down over you saying “oh look how tiny you are! Gosh!” And making you feel that people are noticing only a characteristic that you have no control over, and potentially don’t like about yourself?

as I stated, these were not phrased as compliments, merely observations. I think enough tall (and short) folk have expressed their dislike of having their height highlighted, so perhaps next time you encounter someone taller than you, just chat to them, like they are to you, instead of mentioning how tall they are :)

"You're tall!"
"Yes, aren't I lucky!"

No need to comment. I work with a woman who is super tall. Well over six foot. I have never mentioned it because it’s just rude to comment on someone’s appearance.

The only thing I ever do is say something like, ‘I love your top’ or something positive about someone’s clothes.

I admit to be envious of your height OP as a 5 3 woman!

YANBU. You aren't tall to me, but average height.

The problem with being tall is that it's not seen as a positive thing by many. Yes you can get stuff off the top shelves at a supermarket, but men tend not to like dating people who aren't at least 2-3 inches shorter than them because they get "issues" over it.

Shoe shops don't like making bigger sizes for shoes and most things in the real world seem to be catered to short people, like legroom on buses, planes, trains, etc.

Unless you look like a model, you tend to be treated like some thick lumbering oaf rather than a human.

The UK average is 5'4" (or it used to be til recently) so relatively speaking it's a fact that you are tall. I'm 5'3" and would love to be taller but it seems to have it's downsides.

It would help if people just wouldn't make personal remarks.

It's not though is it? Pointlessly commenting on a random physical trait is not in the same category as "you look amazing" or "I love your dress", those are compliments and are specifically positive, saying "you're tall" is neither a compliment nor an insult, it's just stating a physical trait that the owner of said trait can't alter or have any influence on. It's just as stupid as saying "you're blonde" or " you have blue eyes", and would be just as annoying as being told "you're fat" or "you're small".

Tall people know they're tall, it gets old having it pointed out by strangers as if they haven't noticed their own height.

I'm 6ft OP and growing up the tall comments got boring fast, like somehow you are responsible for how tall you can get, as though it's an achievement of some kind, and is going to benefit you in life. It's none of those things and you can't help it!

Explain how “you’re a tall girl” is even remotely comparable to “you look amazing”, “your hair is beautiful” or “I love your dress”?

It isn’t. It’s comparable to “you’re a short guy”, “aren’t you thinning on top?” or “you have a belly overhanging your belt” all three of which are simply factual observations. None of which would seem appropriate to say to someone.

No. You’re not unreasonable. But some people are just too stupid or lacking in self-awareness to realise they shouldn’t comment on other people’s bodies, whatever the supposed intention behind it.

The best response is 'well, I didn't steal it from you, love'.

Me too. I've made a conscious decision to respond with an insult next time.

I'm 5ft 8, I've had plenty of "your quite tall" comments. I really haven't thought that much about it, and it doesn't bother me. I think people are seeing it as they are complementing you. As a pp said, being tall appears to be desirable. I dont get it so much now, I guess the fact I'm overweight takes away from my height now.

I have siblings with red hair. Their whole lives they have gotten mostly negative attention because of it. I had massive over crowding in my teeth as a child so pre braces people pointed it out to me. I think sometimes people say what they see without thinking.

You are internalising these comments, which are probably arising from someone else’s insecurities. Some men are really insecure when they are shorter than a woman.

My auburn haired child gets loads of positive attention about the colour. It’s a really striking colour. It’s something he will just have to learn to ignore if it bothers him.

I am 6 inches taller than you so while I completely sympathise with you as I grew up very self conscious due to all the comments and hated it, the way you have framed this shows you actually judge in the same way ‘but not some kind of giant’

Being tall can be great, but brings a LOT of comments as because most people think of it as a positive trait. It is, but as a woman you are made to feel like a freak or ‘some kind of giant’ by others feeling somehow they are the first to ever mention it.

Men sometimes comment because they feel intimidated by it (I actually turned up to start a job I’d only had a phone interview for and my new boss said “oh one of your referees warned me you were tall but I didn’t expect you to be this tall!”) and women usually wish they were a bit taller so it’s framed positively but can feel intrusive.

I think you’re perfectly within your rights to respond however you like as it’s rude to comment on anyone’s physical appearance but I have to say it has opened up a lot of chats with people who really just saw it as an ice breaker, perhaps easier than talking about the weather....although it’s great up here, what’s it like down there is a good come back 😉

I think you’re being over-sensitive. In my opinion bullies usually focus in on people’s existing insecurities. Try to feel more positive about it.

I think in today's age no one should comment on anyone's body. I get it all the time because I'm very underweight (due to a medical condition). Do they think we didn't notice? In your position I do think it's a bit odd because you aren't that tall.
I did screw up a little recently when DS's very tall friend was at our house (he's 6'8"). He took his trainers off at the front door and it just came out about how huge they were, a size 16. He laughed it off but I would never normally have commented.

Would you tell people they were fat? No you wouldn't. So why do people think they can comment on your height? Next time tell them that you aren't tall....they are short! Cheeky sods.