to dislike being called tall?

[Wednesdayweekday]

Brief context: I’m between 5’8 and 5’9, so above average but not some kind of giant, have suffered a lifetime of bullying (though not necessarily about height) and am also naturally self conscious.

I’ve found some people make comments about me being tall. My ex’s grandma (from a family of wildly below-average height people) once simply said to me at a Christmas gathering “aren’t you tall?”

I didn’t know her, probably met her maybe twice? We’d never held a conversation with one another other than to say hello. I felt it was unnecessary and a bit insensitive.

Yesterday I was at a wedding as my boyfriend’s plus 1 (his sons wedding). I didn’t know anyone, never met them before. We were conversing with another couple, who my bf had known for many years. At one point, the man in the couple (not very tall himself) made a comment along the lines of “you’re a tall girl” or similar. No reason for it, and didn’t sound malicious, but I just felt wildly uncomfortable, and a bit annoyed. I was wearing heels (always as low as possible because of being conscious of myself and NOT wanting to look too tall) so slightly above my usual height. (Not the case at the Christmas gathering situation above).

In both these situations I feel it would be inappropriate for my reply to be “and you’re very short aren’t you?”, and it would be even MORE offensive for me to bring it up out of nowhere “gosh, aren’t you short?”

Is it just me? I think that any body-related comments are completely inappropriate: mentioning someone’s height, weight, hair colour, or literally any other defining characteristic. Especially when you don’t know the person from Adam?!

I find it honestly bizarre and insulting. I realise this probably isn’t the intention, but you’ve no idea how people feel about themselves. Anything more than a generic “you look nice” (if you really MUST comment on appearance) feels inappropriate to me.

There have been other instances too, but this recent one just made me want to ask other’s opinions?

I'm 5ft 8 and used to hate when people pointed out how tall I am. As a teenager I was so self conscious about it and it felt like I was constantly being reminded of how big I was. As an adult it doesn't bother me as much now and I'm a lot more confident in my own skin.

I wish people would be more aware about how making comments on another person's body can affect their confidence. Especially as a child/teenager.

I'm 5'7 and I get this. Suppose because average height for female is 5'4

I’m 5ft 10 and I’ve always had “aren’t you tall?” and “what’s the weather like up there?” comments and just ride them out. It is a mild annoyance! The only time I really resented my tallness was in my late teens, when I was out in a noisy nightclub for the first time with two friends (both 5ft 3-4) and felt a bit excluded as I couldn’t hear a word they were saying unless I bent down and got them to holler in my ear! Meanwhile they could chat really easily to each other as their faces were at the same level.

I don’t think YABU OP to not want personal comments about your height. I do think most people see it as a compliment and not a negative thing though.

I'm tall and honestly I think you should be more proud, I wear heels and can be the same height as my DH 6ft 4 in them - I don't care about the comments - lots of models are tall. Embrace it.

I'm slightly taller than you and have never minded. However I do kind of know where you're coming from. All my life I felt self conscious about my feet because they are size 9. It was impossible when I was growing up to buy shoes in the high street in that size in the 80s. About 10 years ago, my friend said to me that big feet are good for swimming and that was the first time I had ever thought happy or pleased with my feet.

Personally I like being tall. Much better in a crowd.

you literally said "It’s more a genuine question as to why it’s ok to say “you’re tall” but feels inappropriate to comment on any other bodily feature? "

Which is why I responded explaining that YOU might think it feels inappropriate to comment on other bodily features but the vast majority of the population don't agree and DO comment on other bodily features, you just wouldn't be aware of it if you don't have those bodily features!

You could say the same about lots of things...for example a few years ago if I heard a friend complaining about how often she gets compliments about her 'lovely curly hair' I would have thought she was being OTT as people were just being nice...having learned more about racial micro-aggressions etc. I understand why (even if meant with good intentions) repeated comments, requests to touch said hair etc. can be upsetting/annoying.

Or "you're so skinny' - being slim (like being tall) is generally considered a positive thing, but as posters have explained doesn't mean it's always welcomed to be pointed out all the time.

I don't know why you're so focussed on 'people shouldn't comment when others are slightly taller than average because it might hurt their feelings' rather than 'commenting on any aspect of someone's physical appearance could potentially be unwelcome'.

Tall is considered to be desirable so I think that's why people feel that it's ok to say it - like complimenting an outfit or saying you've got great hair.

I suppose some people can't cope with any sort of comment about their appearance, not even a positive comment, but that's so unusual that it's their problem to work through or endure imo and you can't really expect people to instinctively know that they're going to offend you if they say anything at all about your appearance.

Completely different to commenting on being short, fat, bad hair, ugly etc as all broadly considered to be unwanted characteristics.

I’m 5ft 10 and I’ve also had this all my life. Nowadays I respond with something sarcastic like “really? I’ve never noticed?!” It used to bother me, as height is something you can’t change about yourself - but now I just put people in their place by making them feel daft 🤣

I agree with you op, I don't understand why people feel the need to comment on appearance at all. It's weird and often makes the other person feel self-conscious.

I think a good response would be to just smile proudly, say 'yes, I am' and then move the conversation on. As you say, being called tall isn't automatically a good or bad thing but you can shape it with your response.

I’m 6ft1 and have had it all my life. It’s SO boring. Such a weird thing to say. Some people say it as a compliment “you’re so lovely and tall” or “I’d love to be tall” but often it’s not it’s just “you’re tall” and often from men you can sense there’s aggression behind it. I find it so completely bizarre, I wouldn’t comment on any aspect of anyone’s appearance. I’ve started responding to it with “you’re observant”.

I'm turned 70 and just over 6ft. . I was like a giant amongst lilliput people. Never heard the end of it!

YANBU. Being a tall woman is not always seen as desirable trait. Many (not all!) men don't want a partner that is taller than them. It is not unheard-of for them to be in denial about their height. I've seen it in my younger days. "I am 6 foot", bollox you are I am barely 5" 11' and can see over your head.
Not to mention practical difficulties with height. Hospital beds too short. Hotel showers at neck level. Airplane and bus seating.

I’m 6’2”. It’s had its challenges, especially when I was young and very self conscious about it. Everyone who meets me has to comment on my height, and it is immensely annoying but I rarely say anything.

I’ve only once, that I can recall, snapped back at someone. Years ago a lady said “god I’d hate to be as tall as you” which fucked me RIGHT off, so I replied that I’d hate to be as fat as her, I’m cringing as I write this as it wasn’t my finest moment - she immediately burst into tears and cast about for sympathy but she got none, and was told she shouldn’t have made a shitty remark to me.

I actually take pride in my height now and have accepted that the comments just aren’t going to stop. I can let them bother me or just ignore and for the most part I just let it wash over me.

I’m 5 11 and have had the tall comments since I was 14. I was really self conscious when I was younger but have embraced my height now. I’d just come up with a few easy responses.

Only in comparison to you since you’re a short arse. ( said cheekily to diminutive friends and acquaintances

Not really you’re just short for a man. (In response to you’re tall for a woman)

Yes isn’t it interesting how each generation gets taller( older relations)

Blah de blah

My DD is 5’10” and if anyone comments on her height she tells them that she’s “taller than the average man” it usually shuts them up.

I don't think skinny and tall are equivalents.

Skinny isn't a compliment. (Slim is the compliment.)

Tall is, at worst, descriptive and neutral, but most often used in a complimentary sense.

I can imagine being self-conscious about height if people kept referring to it and I was 6'4" or something (although I know plenty of confident 6ft + women), but I couldn't be very bothered about being called tall at 5'9" or whatever.

Wtaf?
Calling someone short is the same as saying ugly?

I’m short (5’1) and people tie themselves in knots to avoid saying I’m short.
I am short. It’s a description, not a judgement.

OP, perhaps find a stock response, like ‘hmm, yes. So, how is aunt Joan doing?’

You are way over thinking it .
I'm 4f 11inchs I love my height I've had all sorts of comments but it really doesn't bother me at all .

Personally I think you are being oversensitive. I am a similar height and have always had these comments - it's very obvious it isn't meant as an insult. It's not something that's culturally thought of negatively.

Yes in an ideal world people would make zero comments about another person in case that happens to be something they are unconventionally sensitive about, but I couldn't get worked up about this personally.

There's a difference between negative comments and positive. It's not rude to mention characteristics that are generally perceived to be desirable.

Perhaps some people have sensitivities about those characteristics, so it might be a good idea not to mention anything about others' bodies. But that's developing extra sensitivity to other people. It's not the baseline.

I'd put matter-of-fact comments about being tall, in par with comments like 'you look nice' or 'you have pretty eyes/gorgeous hair' an so on.

I'm 5'10.5" and definitely have had the 'aren't you tall!' comments but honestly they didn't bother me, they always seemed complimentary not said in any derogatory way.

People don't "make you feel tiny" by existing as a tall person. It's not fair to say they somehow earned your personal comments.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. The people commenting probably view is as a neutral observation, but having something repeatedly mentioned can make people feel self conscious.

It’s a pity some people are posting comments on this thread that could make below average height people feel bad about themselves.

I'm 5'10. Have had comments all my life. It used to bother me as a teen until I discovered a new friend the same height and she gave me the confidence to wear heels etc. So much so I met DP who is 2 inches shorter and I never said I'd be with a shorter man!

Funnily enough it would be women of your height OP that would annoy me the most with comments such as "I feel so short" and "omg you're taller than me". I now know this was their insecurity talking.

Overall it doesn't really bother me anymore and sometimes I bloody love being tall!

I think it depends on your environment sometimes as well. One place I worked at previously was full of much shorter women, many of whom would mention my height.

I work somewhere else now with people of all heights and so I don't feel I stand out so much. I think!

Who gives a shit that some posters ‘get similar comments’ and they don’t care…?! The OP does. And people should learn to not comment on other people’s bodies, in any way.