to dislike being called tall?

[Wednesdayweekday]

Brief context: I’m between 5’8 and 5’9, so above average but not some kind of giant, have suffered a lifetime of bullying (though not necessarily about height) and am also naturally self conscious.

I’ve found some people make comments about me being tall. My ex’s grandma (from a family of wildly below-average height people) once simply said to me at a Christmas gathering “aren’t you tall?”

I didn’t know her, probably met her maybe twice? We’d never held a conversation with one another other than to say hello. I felt it was unnecessary and a bit insensitive.

Yesterday I was at a wedding as my boyfriend’s plus 1 (his sons wedding). I didn’t know anyone, never met them before. We were conversing with another couple, who my bf had known for many years. At one point, the man in the couple (not very tall himself) made a comment along the lines of “you’re a tall girl” or similar. No reason for it, and didn’t sound malicious, but I just felt wildly uncomfortable, and a bit annoyed. I was wearing heels (always as low as possible because of being conscious of myself and NOT wanting to look too tall) so slightly above my usual height. (Not the case at the Christmas gathering situation above).

In both these situations I feel it would be inappropriate for my reply to be “and you’re very short aren’t you?”, and it would be even MORE offensive for me to bring it up out of nowhere “gosh, aren’t you short?”

Is it just me? I think that any body-related comments are completely inappropriate: mentioning someone’s height, weight, hair colour, or literally any other defining characteristic. Especially when you don’t know the person from Adam?!

I find it honestly bizarre and insulting. I realise this probably isn’t the intention, but you’ve no idea how people feel about themselves. Anything more than a generic “you look nice” (if you really MUST comment on appearance) feels inappropriate to me.

There have been other instances too, but this recent one just made me want to ask other’s opinions?

Being tall is seen as a desirable trait.

and various studies suggest that tall men and women (!) earn higher salaries and seem to have other advantages (professional, political etc).

the comments in your OP also don’t seem malicious. Maybe a bit inept / blunt but not malicious.

Yeah, the OP specifically acknowledged this. She still gets comments. That's the whole point of the thread.

Yes, personal comments can often be seen as rude, even if they are not intended as such. Best not to take it personally, the people uttering them are usually just not very socially aware.
But I'm intrigued that your boyfriend would take a plus one to his own son's wedding. What's the background to that?

I'm 5ft 9 and haven't had tall comments since I was about 15. I always wanted to be 6ft though

I'm quite a bit taller, I used to get random people stop me in the street to point out how BIG I was.... just being called tall would have been much nicer.

I think this is quite accurate. It often seems to be the case that it's a man saying it, and definitely not as a compliment, more as a "how dare you be taller than me?". That's my personal experience anyway! You can definitely tell the difference when it's meant as a compliment - same as if someone said your outfit was "interesting" you could tell from their tone whether that was a good thing or not!

Good fun when online dating, met by fury by men who according to their profile were taller than me. When actually meeting, I got regularly accused of being a liar who must be FREAKISHLY tall because they were DEFINITELY 6'2" or whatever and I was SO much taller than them (I'm 6'1"). Some were really quite aggressive about it, like I'd done it on purpose or something.

I tend to respond with a choice of "am I? <<confused look>>" or "I'm normal height cheers, you're just short" depending on how they come across.

I have been know to point out that through history, people tend to get taller and taller, so maybe I'm just more highly evolved than them - but that's reserved for the real dicks!

I'm a bit taller than you, which makes me the tallest person in my biological family, including my dad, brother, uncles etc so I've always been the tall one.
It just seems like a fact to me, having said that my family all being quite short are very good natured about that so I've grown up in an environment where comments about height are joked about or not taken seriously.

After being asked multiple times by DM to reach something on a top shelf, DH asked her if our family heirloom is a reaching stick 😁 she just laughed and threw a tea towel at him. A lot of it is in the tone, intent and relationship. As PPs a lot of people see tall as a compliment. Which I find a bit bizarre as I didn't do anything other than grow, I had no impact on it.

DH is 6'4 his family are all very tall, his female cousin is 6ft so when I meet up with them I'm the short one!

DS takes after DHs family and is the same height as my brother's 8 year old, she's tiny, but DS isn't even five yet. We are a tall family, so I'm not bothered if people point it out

I'm 5'2 and it used to annoy me when I was called tall by my friend and her mum and nan, not because there's anything wrong with being tall but because I knew I definitely wasn't. They were all around 4'11, and I suppose I was quite a bit taller than them, especially as I always used to wear heels.

Whilst you're right that we should never comment on anything about anyone ever lest it be considered inappropriate or offensive, the general consensus seems to be that desirable traits are fine so the difference between "aren't you tall" and "aren't you short" is the intention to compliment/ offend.

However, assuming you're not 6, "aren't you a tall girl" to a grown woman is just yucky

My manager called me a giant the other day. I said I hope you are referring to my height. I am 5"8 pretty much on the nose so absolutely no giant, not even a Hagrid type duel heritage giant.

I am just over 5ft 8. I was tall at age 13 and didn’t like it then because I stood out. But other than for a couple of years around then, I have always loved my height, I think it is the best thing about me physically!

I have met women that are taller than me, but I am definitely taller than most women that I have met. I used to work with a woman who was about 5ft11 possibly even 6 ft and it felt very strange to be looking up to speak to a woman.

I expect people think it is ok to comment on your height is because being tall is generally considered desirable. I would be more annoyed about being called a girl.

That sounds annoying. My sister is 5ft and does actually get a lot of 'god you're tiny aren't you.'

She also finds it irritating.

I’m talk as well and feel your pain. People feel they have the right to mention it. Just bloody rude .

I was tall as a child and I'm tall now. At primary school there were two of us with the same name so I was always referred to as Big Marezy which pissed me off royally. The other girl was always Little Marezy, and was treated like a tiny precious fairy (to be fair, she was very under-average height. And blonde) while I was treated like a hefty oaf who always had to play male parts in plays (mixed school btw but I was taller than all but one of the boys), always put in goal at sports, and always the first one to be made to help out with physical jobs like moving PE equipment and furniture. I was basically Hodor in a gym slip. 50 years on the memory still rankles.

Develop a thick skin and don't take any notice - I'd love to be tall. I'm 5ft 1 and people say "Aren't you short", as though I don't know. My eldest granddaughter is taller than me. My eldest son is 6ft and has to crouch to hug me.

I mean, you are tall. It's a good height...height for modelling for example.

I constantly hear that I'm short/small/tiny - constantly.

The difference is being tall is trait people want, so usually say it out of jealousy as a compliment and being short is 'not good', so they say it as a criticism.

This

Poor Grandma

I'm 5' 10" and size 10, and also get annoyed by people feeling they need to comment on the bleeding fucking obvious.

It says more about their own insecurities, than you.

I got that
"Oh you're a big girl aren't you"
First I'm not a girl, I'm a full grown woman and yeah, I'm built like a power lifter

No I don't aspire to be a shitting model, fuck off and stop commentating on people's appearance!

And I got “ I didn’t realise how big you were” bloody rude bastard

For some reason people seem to think it is acceptable to comment if people are tall or skinny. I had a v tall boyfriend (6ft 9) and literally everyone used to ask what the weather was like, or if he played basketball. Equally I had a very very slim friend and people used to comment on it all the time.
i think it is because people think it is desirable to be tall and/thin. If they were commenting they were short or fat it would be seen as incredibly rude!
Having said all that I think you just need to let it wash over you if people do comment, just smile and nod.