To have told him I want a divorce

[Sowhatimstillarockstar9]

Told my husband on Wednesday I want a divorce. Its been coming for a few months so he wasn't massively surprised.
We have been together 18 years and in that time he has never helped in the house (he asked the other day how to clean the toilet!) I do everything.
He has been verging on emotionally abusive. He's done the silent treatment to me and my daughter. He's punched a wall when I told him about a family holiday, threw a chair when there was a family BBQ. Called my son names and tried to control things from afar while he was away on lads weekends away.
We also haven't been intimate in over 7 years.
Over the last 2 months however when he has realised something is wrong he has been trying to do everything right. Doing housework, trying to be father of the year.
He is saying to me that yes while we have issues none of them are marragie ending!
I have made the right decision haven't I? He is saying the kids will be so upset and I just know he is going to say this is all mummy's decision!

How are you OP? How was Christmas? Xx

Hi! Xmas was good thanks..had a lovely Xmas eve and morning with the kids and then Xmas afternoon/boxing day wasn't as hard as I imagined being away from DS. I had already agreed to a few things to meet up to allow DD to see her Dad but honestly don't think she really wanted to go.

Some other things have come out over Xmas though after a conversation with the kids the other day triggered by them both saying they were worried they couldn't go on holiday next year.

DD said that her Dad had said to her "I can't wait until you are older and I can tell you the truth about what has happend, you will regret going to be with your Mum'. I was very shocked when she said this!

Not really sure what to do about it - whether to bring it up with him or not.

So pleased you had a good Christmas.

Not sure if this is possible OP but can you copy this thread somehow and save to show to your daughter should he carry through with his threat. It will be all documented for her in case he tries to alter what has happened? I have no advice as to whether you should bring this up with him or not, but I'm sure someone will be along very soon to advise you. Maybe it's something to log with your solicitor - maybe it will cause more issues if you do?. Who knows with him

Wishing you good luck for the New Year x

Your comment about your SIL posting online about your situation has stayed with me, @Sowhatimstillarockstar9.
Having remained silent and dignified, you have done the right thing.
There will be the gossipy, mean people who always choose to believe the worst of folks in any situation, but the majority of people will take a step back and understand that your husband’s sister is speaking out of turn and only presenting her one-sided, warped opinion.
Please don’t concern yourself with what strangers on the internet think.
Happy New Year and congratulations on your new home and happy new life. ❤️

Hi all, I am in court this week to ask the court to grant an order for me to go to Spain in the summer.
He has filled a c2 form on the back of this asking the court to make an order so DD has to see him. Not sure how it will go, bit nervous about it.

DD doesn't want to see him and has started to say she won't even go if I take her. It's such a hard situation.

Your being granted should just be a formality.

The fact your DS does see him is evidence you don't frustrate contact.

How old is she now, she's certainly getting old enough that her views are taken into account and listened to.

Has he made any suggestions as to how to build a relationship with her?

Sadly, your Ex can't see that he's brought this on himself, if he'd been understanding with your DD she'd be happier to see him, instead it was all about him and trying to force her. Find out if your DD is allowed to speak to the judge, I think if they hear it from her they'll get a clearer picture of why your DD refuses contact. Good luck @Sowhatimstillarockstar9

Your daughter is old enough that her wishes should be taken into account;has cafcass been involved?

She is 11 next week.

CAFCASS will become involved as court will order a section 7 this week. My solicitor has said this.

He hasn't given any suggestions as to how he can build his relationship with her just expects me to bring her to things.

She has said tonight I will have to drag her to the car and strap her in, that's the only way she is going to see him!

Hopefully the courts will listen to her.

These men never make it easy, do they?

No matter how tempting, it's never right to disparage the other parent. I stuck to this rule in the face of terrible terrible behaviour from my ex. There were times I wanted to burn him to the ground but I knew it would do more harm than good.

All we can do is stand by our children, stay constant, and do our best to give them whatever support they need.

I also hope the court listens to your daughter. Hopefully the courts are better than they were in my day. My ex made a hobby of dragging me through the courts - a move which is now recognised as part of the pattern of abusive men who are determined to continue their controlling behaviour post-divorce.

In the end I defied the court order because he was being abusive to the DCs and the courts wouldn't listen. As I suspected, I didn't get sent to jail.

Sending you strength and extra patience.

Well he will have to come and collect and when she refuses to come to the door what can be do?? Call the police, take it back to court?

He can't set foot in your home.

I know I haven't posted on this for ages. I have my first CAFCASS interview this week and am very stressed.
He has gone full blown texting me again blaming etc...

Daughter still does see him and son doing 50/50 still but seeing some signs of starting to talk from him.

I am so worried about what lies he is going to spin to CAFCASS and what they will believe. Worried court will force DD into contact she really doesn't want

She will know it didn't come from you though.

Just take a moment to reflect that you've been fighting this battle for 18 months and it hasn't broken you. You've been so brave to keep fighting for you and your kids freedom. You've come so far from your first post. Just take a moment to give yourself a hug.

From how he is described your kids may be happy to not have to live with him anymore. These changes you see in him are likely to be only temporary, after 18 years I'm sure he'd be back to his old self in no time.

Re the constant texts etc. Could you try a parenting app and block him on everything else? Also tell him he should only be at your house if collecting/dropping off children.

thiught of you recently @Sowhatimstillarockstar9 - hope you have more peace now! X

Please let us know how you are OP. I remember this thread so well and going through something a little similar myself. Bastards. Hope you and the children are well and settled xx

Hello! Thanks so much for your messages.

I am doing really well thanks, we have been in our home almost 18 months now and it's so nice. I've stayed strong and he has never stepped foot inside my home even though he's pushed the boundary so many times. He still plays his little manipulative games but I'm so much better at ignoring him!

We have just come to the end of the court process and almost have a sealed order. My daughter (who is 12 now) has no contact with him at all. It's written in that she should have phone contact twice a week but she refuses.
My son who is 11 is struggling a bit, he has started saying he wants to be with me more and he wishes he could live with me. I feel like that will be a fight I have to come but I'm so much stronger now and ready to support him when the time comes.

When I read back on some of my posts I want to scream to myself that I should have been stronger, should have done more and not listened to a word he said! It's been a long road but I'm so much happier. I feel like my old self is coming back!

Oh please don't be tough on past you. She did such a good job of getting you all away from him and has continued to do a great job keeping you away and keeping you safe.
It's lovely to hear that you're all in a good place now and it sounds like your DS is really starting to see what a prick his dad is now. He recognises you as his safe space. At 11 hopefully he's reaching the age where the courts would take his preferences into account, if you need to go down that route for him.