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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take steak for myself to bbq ?

297 replies

Melmi256 · 26/08/2023 19:43

Invited to a bbq … I’m not really a burger hot dog kinda person at all.
Everyone is bringing something, I only really would eat steak from a bbq , can I bring a steak for myself like a veggie would take a veggie burger ? I can’t afford to take steaks for everyone but will bring something else like sides potsto/pasta ?

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 26/08/2023 22:45

I'm not holding a BBQ but you'd be perfectly welcome to do this at mine. In fact I'd welcome it, I'll do buns and salads/sauces and everyone brings their own meat/main...
I get it's unusual but I'm really not able to work out just why it's considered rude. I think it's ruder inviting people to an event and forcing them to bring food for other people. It seems fair to me, but I think people would find it odd. Could you front that?

BTW...I'm the person who orders a takeaway and eats exactly what l ordered. No you can't have half my naan bread or 'try' my spicy noodles.

CherryMaDeara · 26/08/2023 22:49

Janieforever · 26/08/2023 22:40

Is this the first time you have been to a bbq? I’m assuming it must be. When everyone brings something it’s multiples, you’re contributing, you don’t just bring something for just you and eat it, it would be very odd.

It’s a social event, a joint meal. I’m sure you must be able to eat other stuff, I simply don’t believe the only thing you can eat is steak, and chicken, seafood, veggie skewers etc, is all stuff you cannot eat. Is that really what you are saying?

She did say she would be bringing other food as for everyone else.

caringcarer · 26/08/2023 22:54

Watchkeys · 26/08/2023 20:16

Who the hell bbq’s a steak? Is this a thing

Yes.

I usually BBQ half a steak size portions plus chicken breasts butterfly cut, plus burgers, sausages, belly pork strips and lamb kebabs.

Autieangel · 26/08/2023 23:03

It's fine to take some food you enjoy but you would need to take more than one portion!

Otherwise I'd eat before you go and just snack while you are there

Haretest · 27/08/2023 00:00

I agree it would be rude.

But the so is expecting guests to bring their own meat to a bbq!!

SouthLondonMum22 · 27/08/2023 00:08

I think it's fine, especially as you're bringing other things to share. It's just a BBQ, it isn't something I'd get worked up about if I had invited you and asked people to bring things anyway.

It's clearly a laid back thing.

KarmaStar · 27/08/2023 01:56

Yabvu
That's so rude I can't believe you thought of it.
You're saying,without saying, "I'm not eating the cheap food you are providing it's not good enough,this is what I eat " .
Can you imagine cooking dinner for a guest and they upturn their nose and hold out better quality food they had brought just for themselves ?

USaYwHatNow · 27/08/2023 02:08

Personally, I wouldn't, however having said that, if a guest came to me and said 'look mate, sorry, I'm really fussy, do you mind if I give you this to cook for me?' it really wouldn't bother me.

Specsaversnotneeded · 27/08/2023 02:10

This reply has been deleted

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becarefulofyourheart · 27/08/2023 02:17

Rude if you say ‘I don’t fancy what you’re cooking’ but you could easily claim it’s paleo and eat it with crudites or something (there are so many dietary things going on nowadays I’d just nod and cook it for you). Also burgers genuinely do pass through me like they’ve been shot from a cannon, you could just say it’s a digestive thing?

Toomanyclothesinthecloset · 27/08/2023 02:18

No you cannot do that, incredibly rude.

DiscoBeat · 27/08/2023 02:21

That's so odd. I would spend the money instead on ingredients to make a really nice dish - salad or taboulleh or something. You don't have to eat the burgers, it's only one meal!

Seachange47 · 27/08/2023 02:22

Maybe just say your gluten free? Keto? Following a strict diet? It personally wouldn't bother me at all, but we have impromptu BBQs most nights here in summer (Ausie). Meat and salad for the win!

DiscoBeat · 27/08/2023 02:25

Who the hell bbq’s a steak? Is this a thing?😂

I assume you're joking!

Specsaversnotneeded · 27/08/2023 02:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Melmi256 · 27/08/2023 04:43

Ok no it’s not my first bbq , I don’t like burgers or hot dogs , chicken I eat but super weird a pot if it’s cooked properly so I won’t eat it’s not about money I’ll happy to take plenty of sides ! I just can’t eat the meat provided ! Bit I also can’t provide 10 steaks … steak can be under cooked and eaten ok but I can’t afford all the steak

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 27/08/2023 04:53

If it is a thing with in your group perfectly fine but a new group of friends or to meet parents of a partner for the first time type set up I wouldn't

I wouldn't do it as it's one meal I could just eat when I got home if I was that bothered but on a totally separate issue steaks get BBQ all the time, why would that be odd? an not aimed at the op

boredsolicitor · 27/08/2023 04:57

I would find that really odd and rude . I think just eat the sides? I don't understand why you can eat steak. But not a burger ?

HoppingPavlova · 27/08/2023 05:04

So, you don’t eat sausages. You don’t eat mince, shaped into burgers. You won’t eat chicken at anyone’s house but your own. Fine. However, taking a steak for yourself is not, under any circumstance. If you don’t like the meat there, just grab a bread roll and stack up on the side salads surely, don’t make a dick of yourself.

TwoShades1 · 27/08/2023 05:10

Maybe… but only if you know the hosts REALLY REALLY well and they know that you don’t eat the other food on offer from previous occasions. But otherwise I would either just eat the salads/other items or eat before you go and just socialise and have a light snack there if needed. People bringing their own food is generally acceptable for things like vegan/allergies/small children/religion. Not just adults that don’t fancy a burger.

Sausage1989 · 27/08/2023 05:10

I' the same as you. Only eat healthy so would take my own steak to a BBQ. However when I did it I went to Lidl and spent about 20 quid on ribeyes so brought along 4 in total so I could share. I would never go empty handed anywhere. If I was GENUINLY absolutely broke and could only afford 1 steak for myself then I would only attend if I knew the hosts really well (would explain before I came too). If I didn't know the hosts really well and I couldn't bring a few steaks with me to share I'd just be polite and eat the burgers but make it healthier by leaving the bread out and wrap the burger in a 'lettuce bun' instead.

oldscrappynhungry · 27/08/2023 05:12

Another vote for absolutely not, that would be so odd and rude.

I get it, I'm not veggie, but really don't like burgers or hot dogs. I have chicken if it's available and very well cooked, but a much easier solution would be to get a few packs of nice veggie burgers to have and contribute. A few packs of nice bean burger style ones? You can then stick it on the same burger bun with sides as everyone else and not stick out as having to have a completely different meal. And it's not any hassle for the host as you aren't actually veggie so they don't need to worry about cooking them beside the meat.

MaryLivingOnDreamsAndCustardCreams · 27/08/2023 05:16

can I bring a steak for myself like a veggie would take a veggie burger

I don't think it's the same thing as that at all. Even if the host was okay with it you're going to look weird in front of the other guests. So then the host will have to tell everyone you're bringing steak in advance. Now Jill and Dick think they're going to look like tight arses if they don't also bring steak.... and on it goes. Might as well cancel the bbq and all just go to a steakhouse.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 27/08/2023 05:29

No, you can’t take one steak.

Aside from it being just really strange (and tight), think about it practically.

At most BBQs, it’s the blokes on the grill. Not always, but often. They’re standing around, chatting, rotating the meat, and paying superficial attention. the BBQ is full of food getting cooked - your solitary steak will be fairly lost in the melee.

As things cook, they get up ready for serving.

How are you going to manage it at his point?

Will you have been hovering over the chef, keeping an eye on your steak?

Will you elbow everyone else out of the way, to claim your steak?

What if someone gets to it first, and helps themselves to it?

Will you confront them?? Grin

Just take maybe 4 steaks - you don’t have to take one for everyone, as that’s not how it works. People don’t have one of everything.

If you take, say, four - chances are you’ll be able to have one, without any of the above hilariously embarrassing scenarios needing to take place.

Sameold23 · 27/08/2023 05:47

If it's the bbq of someone you know well, then no problem at all.