To not send this man money

[Whatsthescory]

About 8 years ago, my husband and I lived abroad. We lived in an apartment block which had a security desk in the foyer. One of the security guards (also an expat) was quite friendly and we would always have a little chat. It wasn't a friendship, just a pleasant hello and goodbye. He requested me as a friend on Facebook but didn't post much. We left after a year living there and never saw him or heard from him again. We moved on and left that country.

A year ago I got a Facebook messenger message from him out of the blue, just asking how we were doing. He sent a photo he took from when our son was a baby and asked about him. Odd, but pleasant. He said he had gone back to Nigeria where he was from and had opened a business. I told my husband, and he seemed a bit dubious about the whole thing. Anyway, the guy never contacted me again, until recently.

A few months ago, he sent me a message saying that he always remembered that I was kind and that he felt he could turn to me, although it was a last resort and he felt ashamed. Basically, after the pandemic, his business really suffered and he really struggled to get on his feet. Could I send him some money to get him back on his feet.

My initial reaction was to help him as I am comfortably off. My husband smelled a rat and said it was my choice if I sent him money, but if I did, be prepared to be asked again and again and again. My husband also raised the point that it was wrong to single me out and that DH was also fb friends with him and had exactly the same relationship with him as me (saying hello and goodbye). Why did he contact the woman first? Did he think that maybe I would be a bit more willing to send money? Dh also said that the way he had contacted me last year was to test the water and reestablish a connection so it wouldnt be so out of the blue to ask for money and that i was being naive. He also said the guy would probably be eligible for small business loans in his area, but I'm not sure how accessible they are where he is from.

On one hand I'm wondering, what if this guy really is stuck and he is desperate? On the other I'm thinking, he hasn't contacted me in years and it's all just a bit too strange. In the end, I didn't respond as I didn't know what to say.

Aibu to not send money to him?

I used to sponsor a young boy in Kenya he is now a man with his own kids. I sometimes send him money still as his life is hard. He works hard to provide but the economy is tough.

It's up to you but I'm comfortable off so I don't mind.

Guilty is exactly how he wants you to feel.

I like you would probably be tempted to send some money.However there is the (probably v high)possibility of him asking for cash again at some point .You sound very kind and he probably knows he will play on your genorisity .I think to perhaps block him .These things are often a scam .

Yeah it’s a scam. Ignore and block.

That's what I was worried about.

It's often a business for these people. I thought I was sponsoring an orphaned child in east Africa though an organisation vouched for by an English friend. We became suspicious of the amount everything was costing. £80 to see the doctor, £30 to visit the local zoo, school fees £40 a month, crazy amounts for a community where people live on a few dollars a week. It turned out that the children were being supported but they were village children not orphans, and the guy running the 'charity' was creaming a huge amount off the top. It was so elaborate with pictures and letters from the kids. I'd never send any money outside of a proper registered charity again.

This. If you send him money once there is a risk he’ll see you as an income stream. You could just do it once and then block him though.

It won't just be a tenner though. Even if he's legit and not a scammer (unlikely) it will be begging email after begging email. If you want to help do it through a registered charity.

Do not send him any money. Unfriend and block all contact.

(Edited due to typo)

It disturbs me that there's a number of contributors to this thread who would actually send money. And that angers me, as this is why these people scam. They only have to have a 1% success rate and it's a nice little earner because it won't stop with the single demand.

If no one sent money you wouldn't have scammers. If no one gave to beggars you wouldn't have begging, etc. People are so gullible.

Listen to your DH and block.

Amd this is why people fall for scams. Unfriend, block and move on

I'm sure I remember this exact post from a year or two ago.

Block on FB. Do not send this chancer money!! Your DH is right

It might not actually be him

You don't even know it's him. Scammers take over genuine social media accounts and then tap up their contacts for money, in exactly this way.

Please do not send any money. It’s definitely a scam. I wonder how many other people he is doing to this too?

Has he got a friend that’s a Nigerian Prince who also needs money, but will send it back to you tenfold?
I’m sorry, but it’s really off that he just sent you a text - he’s basically a doorman that you knew many years ago.
I know someone who sent money to a needy Ukrainian man in the midst of all their troubles, but he was still a scammer and she lost quite a lot of money.
Just don’t send him any money and your DH is right - ignore and block.

He was nice and friendly beucase it was his job to be like that

Don't send money. Just block him on Facebook and move on.

There is so many different options he has before asking a virtual stranger for money. He’s targeted you because he knows financially you’re well off. That’s the only reason. He has friends and family and a community he could turn to for help before he approached you.

Always good to remember this.

So let's accept for a moment that he is desperate. Why does that become your responsibility to fix? He's not someone you know or have any real connection to. You don't have any ties or commitments to him. He's a stranger you said 'hello' to as part of the social conventions of general life, and did so many years ago.

It's not your job or responsibility to fix his life or his financial problems.

But in all truth, this is undoubtedly a scam.

YANBU. Delete and block.

Don't send anything!

If you don't want to deal with this either ignore or tell him to speak with your husband. It does sound dodgy

I’m a bit strapped at the minute you can send me £50 if you like?
No?why what’s the difference?