To not send this man money

[Whatsthescory]

About 8 years ago, my husband and I lived abroad. We lived in an apartment block which had a security desk in the foyer. One of the security guards (also an expat) was quite friendly and we would always have a little chat. It wasn't a friendship, just a pleasant hello and goodbye. He requested me as a friend on Facebook but didn't post much. We left after a year living there and never saw him or heard from him again. We moved on and left that country.

A year ago I got a Facebook messenger message from him out of the blue, just asking how we were doing. He sent a photo he took from when our son was a baby and asked about him. Odd, but pleasant. He said he had gone back to Nigeria where he was from and had opened a business. I told my husband, and he seemed a bit dubious about the whole thing. Anyway, the guy never contacted me again, until recently.

A few months ago, he sent me a message saying that he always remembered that I was kind and that he felt he could turn to me, although it was a last resort and he felt ashamed. Basically, after the pandemic, his business really suffered and he really struggled to get on his feet. Could I send him some money to get him back on his feet.

My initial reaction was to help him as I am comfortably off. My husband smelled a rat and said it was my choice if I sent him money, but if I did, be prepared to be asked again and again and again. My husband also raised the point that it was wrong to single me out and that DH was also fb friends with him and had exactly the same relationship with him as me (saying hello and goodbye). Why did he contact the woman first? Did he think that maybe I would be a bit more willing to send money? Dh also said that the way he had contacted me last year was to test the water and reestablish a connection so it wouldnt be so out of the blue to ask for money and that i was being naive. He also said the guy would probably be eligible for small business loans in his area, but I'm not sure how accessible they are where he is from.

On one hand I'm wondering, what if this guy really is stuck and he is desperate? On the other I'm thinking, he hasn't contacted me in years and it's all just a bit too strange. In the end, I didn't respond as I didn't know what to say.

Aibu to not send money to him?

You're comparing apples and oranges.

Reaching out to people you know with an official link to a charitable cause, or asking them to share your business page on social media isn't even remotely comparable to asking someone to directly send money to you.

And yes, it is a scam.

I have a Nigerian friend and one day I was having a conversation with her about differences in our cultures, and she was telling me that we always have relatives, because when you marry, the other family become your family. She said "For instance, if a man is made bankrupt, someone might say 'I hear your wife's cousin is bankrupt, why did you not help him?'
Tell this man to go to his relatives for help. Then block him.

Of course he is!

He's much more likely to be successful if he gets £50 off 10 people than if he asked one person for £500.

You'd never have sent £500 but you're considering sending him less...that's the entire point of these things.

You’re not being unreasonable not to send it but if you can afford it do what you think is right

At most, this is begging. There is nothing to suggest that this is is scam yet.

Two sayings come to mind:

'No good deed goes unpunished'
'F*ck around and find out'

Don't do it, OP. No good will come of it. Even if he's genuine, handing over money is not going to solve his problems.

I agree with @Multijoy and @pickledandpuzzled . I don’t think this is a scam - he may well be desperate for money. Most of us posting (if not all) live in rich countries with recognised social safety nets and those of us in the UK have access to free education and healthcare, even if it’s not perfect. It’s important to have some imagination about what life is like for people living and raising families in other, much poorer, much less developed countries.

You'd be better giving to charity or making someone's day by giving some money at your local cafe with the premise of paying for an elderly person's/ young families bill.

Unfortunately there’s so many scams about that people are no longer able to trust or believe someone who may genuinely be desperate for help.

Paying someone's bill at a Cafe is a better use of money how exactly?

I don't get this either!

Seriously?

You need to ask about sending money to someone in NIgeria who is feigning poverty?

How do you know it's even the same guy?

Of course you don't send money.

The situation is not that bad in Nigeria???? Are you for real? The situation is absolutely horrendous there...

I get several messages a day from Nigerians always with the same story.

Do not send money.

I guess because you can see exactly where the money is going.

I do agree it's not a good use of money though - you could be helping out a millionaire!

Oh dear 😂

I think the point just went WAY over your head.

Nigeria was the second in the 2023 ‘league tables’ from which scams originate. It also came top of any African country. And this is a common scam, playing the long game. You won’t be the only ones in the frame - listen to your husband, this is a scam. Block him and forget.

Every time you send these scammers money, you encourage them to keep preying on you and others.

It's great to say 'I'd rather be scammed than leave someone in need' when you can afford it. But this motivates the scammers to keep going and they also scam the vulnerable, who cannot afford it. If EVERYONE stopped giving money to people they don't know, then these scammers might stop.

Paying someone's bill in a cafe is better because you are not funding a scammer (see above).

I would usually say absolutely not but I can’t see how giving him £20 is any different to giving it to charity, apart the from the fact that he’ll get all of the money instead of it lining the pockets the charity staff.

As a PP said it’s not your normal scam as he’s being honest.
If he is very well off and he’s lying then you’re only £20 down and your conscious is clear.

I completely disagree about paying someone’s bill in a cafe.

No one who is hard up is going and spending money in a cafe.

You are better off buying shopping and delivering it to a food bank.

NO, I get it. I t was a joke about Nigerian princes scams. But I'm still stunned someone has the ability top write "the economy can't be that bad in Nigeria" and not feel a bit insensitive...

By "paying it forward" at a cafe or sandwich shop you are at least guaranteed that the money is going to be used to give someone a drink or lunch. Albeit at the discretion of the cafe owner.

By sending money to Nigeria you have no guarantee of anything. OP doesn't even know that the money would be going to the guy she knew years ago, it could be his scammy cousin using his phone, or he could have sold all the valuable contact details of gullible westerners, or he could have had his phone stolen etc etc etc.

Never ceases to amaze me the gullibility of people on here. And they see zero connection between this sort of thing, and the posters who will be popping in shortly to say that they can't afford Christmas, or heating, or to feed their kids. Every suggestion of food banks and charity batted away, because all they want is cash.

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO PEOPLE ONLINE. It really is that simple.

How about doing something like MicroLoans which provides seed money to women setting up their own businesses to better support themselves? Makes more sense to me than giving £50 to someone who may not even be that chap, or than buying random people coffee.

I wouldn’t send anything just say you’re struggling too

I see from your post that you have said he doesn’t use Facebook very much chances are someone may have hacked in and pretended to be him to try and get money I would block and report