Page 15 | To not send this man money

Whatsthescory · 2023-08-26T08:28:15+00:00

About 8 years ago, my husband and I lived abroad. We lived in an apartment block which had a security desk in the foyer. One of the security guards (also an expat) was quite friendly and we would always have a little chat. It wasn't a friendship, just a pleasant hello and goodbye. He requested me as a friend on Facebook but didn't post much. We left after a year living there and never saw him or heard from him again. We moved on and left that country. A year ago I got a Facebook messenger message from him out of the blue, just asking how we were doing. He sent a photo he took from when our son was a baby and asked about him. Odd, but pleasant. He said he had gone back to Nigeria where he was from and had opened a business. I told my husband, and he seemed a bit dubious about the whole thing. Anyway, the guy never contacted me again, until recently. A few months ago, he sent me a message saying that he always remembered that I was kind and that he felt he could turn to me, although it was a last resort and he felt ashamed. Basically, after the pandemic, his business really suffered and he really struggled to get on his feet. Could I send him some money to get him back on his feet. My initial reaction was to help him as I am comfortably off. My husband smelled a rat and said it was my choice if I sent him money, but if I did, be prepared to be asked again and again and again. My husband also raised the point that it was wrong to single me out and that DH was also fb friends with him and had exactly the same relationship with him as me (saying hello and goodbye). Why did he contact the woman first? Did he think that maybe I would be a bit more willing to send money? Dh also said that the way he had contacted me last year was to test the water and reestablish a connection so it wouldnt be so out of the blue to ask for money and that i was being naive. He also said the guy would probably be eligible for small business loans in his area, but I'm not sure how accessible they are where he is from. On one hand I'm wondering, what if this guy really is stuck and he is desperate? On the other I'm thinking, he hasn't contacted me in years and it's all just a bit too strange. In the end, I didn't respond as I didn't know what to say. Aibu to not send money to him?

PollyThePixie · 28/08/2023 13:20

@ littlebobeep234. You haven’t had to tell me anything about your husband. It was very easy to work out for myself. You’ve banged on about your husband being a migrant worker and you’ve actually thought you could compare the bloke in the OP to him. The bloke in the Op doesn’t even get the chance to be an immigrant in the real sense. Not like a lot of people - and there is a difference between people who qualify as immigrants and those who only qualify to be the bottom of a pile migrant worker being paid a pittance to provide for their family.

And the bloke mentioned in the OP isn’t a random guy. He is someone the OP knew in the past and he’s reached out to her for help.

PollyThePixie · 28/08/2023 13:23

I won’t be replying to anything else you say. You wouldn’t help the man in the OP. I would. And that’s all there is to it.

littlebopeepp234 · 28/08/2023 13:30

PollyThePixie · 28/08/2023 13:20

@ littlebobeep234. You haven’t had to tell me anything about your husband. It was very easy to work out for myself. You’ve banged on about your husband being a migrant worker and you’ve actually thought you could compare the bloke in the OP to him. The bloke in the Op doesn’t even get the chance to be an immigrant in the real sense. Not like a lot of people - and there is a difference between people who qualify as immigrants and those who only qualify to be the bottom of a pile migrant worker being paid a pittance to provide for their family.

And the bloke mentioned in the OP isn’t a random guy. He is someone the OP knew in the past and he’s reached out to her for help.

You haven’t worked anything out for yourself you are just spouting rubbish you know nothing about! You are completely wrong in everything you think you know about my EX husband!! Yes EX which I’ve stated numerous times in my reply to you now but you still call him my husband as if we are still married LOL

It is YOU who has banged on about migrant workers after quoting me on my post I made about my opinion on this guy being a scammer, nothing in MY post you originally quoted me mentioned anything about migrant workers! It’s you who started banging on about them so please stop gaslighting!

The op very clearly said that she did not know him as a friend and they got chatty while they were living over there! Yes she knows OF him but they are not close friends! She said herself they weren’t like friends!!! Again he is a random guard they got chatting to who has come back 8 years later asking for money!!

littlebopeepp234 · 28/08/2023 13:31

PollyThePixie · 28/08/2023 13:02

So you’re telling me you would just send money over to anyone who contacted you asking for it?

Yes, if someone I knew from the past contacted me and said he had fallen on hard times I would help out.

Oh dear! 🤣🤣🤣

littlebopeepp234 · 28/08/2023 13:31

PollyThePixie · 28/08/2023 13:23

I won’t be replying to anything else you say. You wouldn’t help the man in the OP. I would. And that’s all there is to it.

Good!!!! 🤣

littlebopeepp234 · 28/08/2023 13:37

PollyThePixie · 28/08/2023 10:22

My back ground and why I’m aware of the plight of these migrant workers is irrelevant.

I’m not the one labeling someone a scammer based on their Nationality and the fact my husband worked for everything he has and would never ask anyone for money.

Was this aimed at me too? If so please point out where I have mentioned his nationality lol

comingintomyown · 28/08/2023 13:40

I’m not on Facebook but is it normal that someone you just nodded hello to in a building you live in would be in contact via Facebook ?
Also you said the request came a few months ago why are you posting now ?

Diclofenac · 28/08/2023 14:14

Haven't read the whole thread so it may have been suggested already but how about replying something like this:

Hi, I'm sorry to hear you are having difficulties and I would be happy to help. However I am aware about scams where fb accounts have been hacked so if you don't mind I need to ask you some questions to check it's really you.
Could you describe the people who lived on the second floor in apartment 22? What did my husband give you for your birthday? What happened in flat 18?

Ask something very specific only this guy would know and also something memorable, e.g. some resident with bright red hair and a taste for Cuban cigars, the time flat 18 was flooded because they left the bath running, the time you all laughed because your son had chocolate ice cream all over his face.

If you get vague answers, you know it's some random scammer, if you get sensible replies, it's up to you.
As many pp said, if you do send money, make sure he can't get your bank details, there could be a way such as Paypal but I have no idea how it could be done.

If he comes back for more, you haven't lost much but at least you know you are being taken for a ride and have reason to block him/cut contact.

Oliotya · 28/08/2023 15:16

Diclofenac · 28/08/2023 14:14

Haven't read the whole thread so it may have been suggested already but how about replying something like this:

Hi, I'm sorry to hear you are having difficulties and I would be happy to help. However I am aware about scams where fb accounts have been hacked so if you don't mind I need to ask you some questions to check it's really you.
Could you describe the people who lived on the second floor in apartment 22? What did my husband give you for your birthday? What happened in flat 18?

Ask something very specific only this guy would know and also something memorable, e.g. some resident with bright red hair and a taste for Cuban cigars, the time flat 18 was flooded because they left the bath running, the time you all laughed because your son had chocolate ice cream all over his face.

If you get vague answers, you know it's some random scammer, if you get sensible replies, it's up to you.
As many pp said, if you do send money, make sure he can't get your bank details, there could be a way such as Paypal but I have no idea how it could be done.

If he comes back for more, you haven't lost much but at least you know you are being taken for a ride and have reason to block him/cut contact.

Or a quick video call rather than interrogating the man...

Smilencuddlesthenstab · 28/08/2023 15:34

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DaNcInGtEqUiLaCaT · 28/08/2023 15:43

I wonder if this guy friended all the people who lived in the apartment block and is also asking each of them for money too?

tofutti · 28/08/2023 15:52

@Smilencuddlesthenstab I reported you for your racist generalisation about Nigerians. Sickening.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 28/08/2023 22:55

Oliotya · 28/08/2023 15:16

Or a quick video call rather than interrogating the man...

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Bloody hell - she didn’t suggest getting the Spanish Inquisition to get him on the rack.

marcopront · 29/08/2023 04:47

@Oliotya

Or a quick video call rather than interrogating the man...

Assuming

He has the technological capability to make a video call

He has the internet capability to make a video call

He can afford to pay for that internet capability

She will be able to distinguish the Nigerian man she met 8 years ago from another Nigerian man

littlebopeepp234 · 29/08/2023 04:56

marcopront · 29/08/2023 04:47

@Oliotya

Or a quick video call rather than interrogating the man...

Assuming

He has the technological capability to make a video call

He has the internet capability to make a video call

He can afford to pay for that internet capability

She will be able to distinguish the Nigerian man she met 8 years ago from another Nigerian man

Well he has Facebook so obviously has access to internet

marcopront · 29/08/2023 05:08

@littlebopeepp234

Well he has Facebook so obviously has access to internet

Sending Facebook messages is very different to a video call in terms of internet usage.

littlebopeepp234 · 29/08/2023 05:15

marcopront · 29/08/2023 05:08

@littlebopeepp234

Well he has Facebook so obviously has access to internet

Sending Facebook messages is very different to a video call in terms of internet usage.

You have to have access to the internet to be able to send a Facebook message. So whilst he could have limited internet, he does have access to it - enough access to go begging someone for money who they aren’t even close enough to be friends with

BoogieWonderlandfibbed · 29/08/2023 07:31

It feels off that he knew OP and her DP equally but only contacted her even though it was DP in the photo he had. Would think that would be more of a conversation starter with the person in the photo.

Rosscameasdoody · 29/08/2023 11:21

PollyThePixie · 28/08/2023 07:20

The flavor of the thread is that the man is a scammer because he’s Nigerian and you can twist that anyway you like because nothing will make it any different .

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No. It’s the knowledge that Nigeria has one of the highest scam rates in the world that has informed ‘flavour’ of the advice to the OP. But you and others are choosing to see it as assuming he’s a scammer simply because he’s Nigerian so you can spin it as racist, when it’s clearly not the same thing.

I’ve had a call this week, from a man on a mobile phone claiming to be my internet provider, wanting to take over my computer to fix a problem with my connection. The calls come quite regularly and I know from checking with my ISP that there’s a high probability they originate from call centres in India, specifically set up for this type of scam. Was it common sense to refuse to engage with them, or should I have complied with the request on the small chance that it may have been genuine, and I was being racist to assume they were a scammer because I recognised the accent of the caller ?

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 29/08/2023 11:24

PollyThePixie · 28/08/2023 10:17

My high horse? You’re the one having to use exclamation to get your point across.

And you were married to a migrant worker? Well, I can only say I doubt very much he was a migrant worker in the same sense as the bloke in the Op was.

Show quote history

Why, because it doesn’t fit your narrative ?

marcopront · 29/08/2023 16:20

@littlebopeepp234

You have to have access to the internet to be able to send a Facebook message. So whilst he could have limited internet, he does have access to it - enough access to go begging someone for money who they aren’t even close enough to be friends with

Show me where I said he didn't have access to the internet.

The point I am making is that a quick video call is possibly not easy and is certainly not a better option than asking some questions to verify his identity.

I am currently using mobile data in East Africa. In my experience video calls are not easy and use a lot of data. Even when I use the WiFi and I know we have good WiFi it is slow and video calls are not always possible. However please stick to your narrative that all internet is equal.

Oliotya · 29/08/2023 16:36

marcopront · 29/08/2023 16:20

@littlebopeepp234

You have to have access to the internet to be able to send a Facebook message. So whilst he could have limited internet, he does have access to it - enough access to go begging someone for money who they aren’t even close enough to be friends with

Show me where I said he didn't have access to the internet.

The point I am making is that a quick video call is possibly not easy and is certainly not a better option than asking some questions to verify his identity.

I am currently using mobile data in East Africa. In my experience video calls are not easy and use a lot of data. Even when I use the WiFi and I know we have good WiFi it is slow and video calls are not always possible. However please stick to your narrative that all internet is equal.

I was video calling from East Africa 10 years ago. I video called my MIL in East Africa on Sunday, as I do every week. It cost her about 30p in a data bundle. Nigeria has better infrastructure than most of East Africa, and a brief Google shows me it's even cheaper.
It's 2023. Africa has internet.

EbiRaisukaree · 29/08/2023 16:53

Look everyone, we have had two different people who work in bank fraud departments come on to the thread and advise us that the scenario outlined by the OP is one that they are, line for line, trained to spot as part of their fraud prevention education.

What clearer indication that this is unlikely to be a genuine request do you need? Not to mention that common sense says he will have sent the same request to tens or possibly hundreds of people he met and was as briefly acquainted with as the OP, so if they all send him £50, he will be doing better than many of us on these boards.

littlebopeepp234 · 29/08/2023 17:01

marcopront · 29/08/2023 16:20

@littlebopeepp234

You have to have access to the internet to be able to send a Facebook message. So whilst he could have limited internet, he does have access to it - enough access to go begging someone for money who they aren’t even close enough to be friends with

Show me where I said he didn't have access to the internet.

The point I am making is that a quick video call is possibly not easy and is certainly not a better option than asking some questions to verify his identity.

I am currently using mobile data in East Africa. In my experience video calls are not easy and use a lot of data. Even when I use the WiFi and I know we have good WiFi it is slow and video calls are not always possible. However please stick to your narrative that all internet is equal.

Oh ffs! You mentioned that assuming he has an internet connection to make a video call! I said that he obviously DOES have access to the internet to it is possible!!! Why are you now trying to say I’m saying that you said he didn’t have access to the internet at all?? And wtf are you on about ‘my narrative’ of all internet is equal! I never said that at all did I???? Jesus go back and read my post! Instead of trying to cause an argument out of nothing

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/08/2023 17:43

Look everyone, we have had two different people who work in bank fraud departments come on to the thread and advise us that the scenario outlined by the OP is one that they are, line for line, trained to spot as part of their fraud prevention education

We know this, EbiRaisukaree, but as when the professionals encourage folk not to give on the street, there'll always be some who think they know better

And that's fair enough up to a point because it's their money and up to them to decide what to do with it. Trouble is, they don't always stop to think of the effect that encouraging this form of begging has on others