Pretty people have such an advantage in life?

[ddisgruntled]

Honestly I think being not conventionally attractive means you have to work harder (at times quite a bit harder) than pretty people to be afforded the same things they get for free? Things like people attributing 'good' intentions to whatever they're doing, and are more eager to be helpful to pretty people, and others are more willing to gloss over their mistakes and flaws.

Of course we are all flawed, and all humans make mistakes, but I think attractive people have a much easier time with this being recognised. I'm nearly 40 so this isn't just observing the social dynamics of youngsters! It's everywhere, at every age.

It's subtle. I'm not ugly, just kind of bland and nondescript I'm very basic at grooming (washed and clean, but no point doing make up or hair as I'm shit at it and doesn't make any difference) and so don't really think about looks generally in day to day life - but then sometimes it hits me how it's like starting out a couple of steps behind a good looking person, in every new interaction?

It definitely helps. It's not the be all and end all but it is advantageous

Yeah of course. You still need some halfway decent social skills and a brain in your head!

But I think it is that thing of people being more willing to cut the pretties some slack, and generally be more forgiving maybe.

I’m not sure, some ppl style themselves well and I always think they look really good, whether they’re actually attractive or not.

The pretty 40 year olds around you will be losing their advantage around about now. It was only ever temporary.

I don't agree with this at all. I see lots of women who look great at all different ages.

As Judge Judy says "Beauty fades but dumb is forever"!

Superficially, maybe. Fundamentally, I think, no. In fact, I think women are more likely to be taken seriously at work if they’re not.

Even if not naturally pretty if it's important to you there is social currency in being slim and stylish, so anyone can benefit from that of it's important to them.

I agree. Do you think it applies to men too? I think it does to a point but not as much as women.

Yanbu but it only really applies to females up to about 45. After that the fundamental amd attractiveness error still holds but can be easier met by dressing well etc.

I am average looking. Look ok if I really try. But I have never defined myself by my looks as a result. Threw myself into hard work and using my decent brains. Have been fairly confident and now am in my fifties and have no issues about looking ‘older’. I feel no pressure to dye my hair or have Botox etc. It’s ok.

Yes of course pretty people have advantages. But just having brains and personality have worked out ok for me (and of course many pretty people have those too!) And I don’t have to worry too much about losing what looks I have as I am fine with that!

I used to be very pretty and very slim (thanks to an ED and youth). I definitely think people treat you better when you’re more attractive.

I am now not at all attractive and very overweight. It’s like being invisible, which I don’t really mind.

Although self esteem non existent as I equate all of my worth to weight and looks. I hope I’ll learn to not care one day.

This is at least the 3rd thread on this subject in the last two weeks.

YANBU though!

and in other news the sky is blue!

yes, we humans are shallow and react positively to beauty.

some people will say their good looks were a millstone and maybe it's true in individual cases, but overall being good looking opens doors for you.

Yesssssss!

but really i think its about using what you have to your advantage. I purposefully aimed to be bland/asexual in work settings because i worked in negotiations and i wanted to be taken seriously.

I still managed to get a kind funny good looking husband and have a sucessful career despite being average looking and plump with a too loud voice... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyone can think someone else has a leg up over them for loads of reasons. Prettier, thinner, more money, funnier, cooler etc etc.

If someone has confidence and believes in themselves, all of the above are not things that would stand in their way.

If someone thinks another person is getting a privilege because they have something 'over' them, then it's that person's issue.

It is not someone else's fault that you 'lose' out on something because you feel inferior in some way.

You need to change your mindset if this is your way of thinking.

I’d love to know if anyone’s done any research on longevity of relationships/marriages for pretty versus plain women, because I think pretty women attract players and get cheated on more frequently.

Yes, pretty people have one advantage in life. Rich people have another. Clever people, healthy people, talented people, people whose parents loved them and provided for them so they developed confidence, people with natural resilience, humour, agility – all of these are lucky. I don't think being pretty is more important than any of the other things on the list. it might get yu served more quickly at bars, but it also attracts unwanted attention from tossers, bitchiness from insecure people, assumptions of stupidity from others.

i'd rather be healthy, funny and resilient.

Much of the time, it's probably true. But there are circumstances and environments where attractive women are treated quite poorly. I think being pretty but not too pretty works out better in the long run.

I am ok looking but I am also tall and slim and fairly well spoken. I think people initially treat me better because of these things but it only goes so far. I am very personable and easy to get on with. This is what’s helped me do well at work (as well as being reliable and working hard).

I have a child who is conveniently very attractive. I find she gets a lot of attention because of this but finds it very difficult. Perhaps when she’s older she will manage it better?

People are strange about beauty. My parents are cringey with the way they prize their granddaughters beauty. They take a lot of pride in the fact like they have achieved something good or are better than others. It’s very strange!

Being outgoing, going round with a smile on your face and being nice to people has infinitely more benefits than being pretty. I know people who are borderline grotesque looking but they're walking sunshine and have everyone they meet wrapped round their finger very quickly (I try to copy the way they behave!)

Well, I don't know about 'cooler' but it's disingenuous to pretend things like money or meeting conventional beauty standards are just about mindset.

Yes, confidence can make up for a lack but that's my point - the unpretty have to work harder to make up for the lack.

Agree it is nobody else's fault, though!

I would say that was true.

I've known some very pretty girls and they always moaned that they only got chatted up by boring, ugly men.
I think that the 'average' guys were scared to approach them in case they got rebuffed. The ugly guys had nothing to lose !