Pretty people have such an advantage in life?

[ddisgruntled]

Honestly I think being not conventionally attractive means you have to work harder (at times quite a bit harder) than pretty people to be afforded the same things they get for free? Things like people attributing 'good' intentions to whatever they're doing, and are more eager to be helpful to pretty people, and others are more willing to gloss over their mistakes and flaws.

Of course we are all flawed, and all humans make mistakes, but I think attractive people have a much easier time with this being recognised. I'm nearly 40 so this isn't just observing the social dynamics of youngsters! It's everywhere, at every age.

It's subtle. I'm not ugly, just kind of bland and nondescript I'm very basic at grooming (washed and clean, but no point doing make up or hair as I'm shit at it and doesn't make any difference) and so don't really think about looks generally in day to day life - but then sometimes it hits me how it's like starting out a couple of steps behind a good looking person, in every new interaction?

I disagree. I was a beautiful young woman, ill-educated but clearly bright . So, I managed to work with rich, powerful people. Many men were interested in me on the basest level, happy to take me out, buy me drinks, dinner and lots of stuff. I soon learned that no way though would they ever have introduced me to mother.

Class is still all important in the UK.

I agree with this. I'm not sure that I'm 'pretty' as such, but certain men seem to be really attracted to me for some reason (definitely not all!).

The positive side is that you tend to get freebies from tradesmen who come to the house and offer to do extra jobs (much to the annoyance of my male friend who doesn't get the same offers 😆).

The negative side I noticed (when I was younger and more naive!) is that you are more likely to be used by men who are obsessed with your appearance. It's harder to tell whether they actually like who you are as a person.

Also agree that pretty people tend to be taken less seriously at work, although I think that this is partly related to sexism. I think it's women dress more femininely and wear more makeup who are taken less seriously. The more masculine you are, the more likely you are to be taken seriously. Probably depends on where you work though.

I was the “ugly friend” (I know it’s an awful term) as a teen and someone older and wiser told me that I’d come into my own at a different time and my friend that everyone fancied would have peaked earlier than me (I know it’s misogyny in action blah blah) I hate to say it but he was right. My peak didn’t last too long but it existed at the right time for me and I did notice a huge difference in the way I was treated compared to when I was the ugly teen friend.

I know a few people in their 40s who are beautiful but it takes effort and I cannot be bothered with the lengths they have to go to to maintain the illusion. Oddly the ones I know who do put in a lot of effort still aren’t so pretty on the inside and it’s really starting to show. Their relationships are superficial and the cracks are becoming more public now.

The advantage lasts only as long as their youthful looks last and if there’s nothing else there other than beautiful aesthetics, they soon learn the hard way what the rest of us learned growing up.

What do we even mean by pretty? Most people look nice. Some are v good looking. Some are not, think on the Jeremy Kyle show. But 90%+ must be average? When I think of male actors most are not even good looking

Like how often do you think they look amazing or they look awful? Most people just look fine, nice, average all the time?

That's not true. Most attractive people stay attractive.

And this of course is scientifically proven. Yup. Beautiful people of both sexes have enormous advantages throughout life.

to be honest if someone is a skilled, competent professional, no one really cares. certainly not in my line of work.

I think charm on the other hand is very useful. being able to engage people, and bring them on board. and it is possible for both sexes to do that without good looks/style.

I don't agree with this for mang things or think pretty people get more opportunities or at least in my profession they don't it's about your knowledge not the way you look.
I never wear makeup (I'm too lazy) but I'm presentable for work and average I would say except I have always looked young for my age but my mum is the same and at 67 looks early 50s.

But I also don't ever compare myself to others as again I can't be bothered as life is too short.

I am what you'd call conventionally attractive and I think it has helped. I find that people make positive assumptions about me. I've had rules waived because apparently have an "innocent face"! I've also been upgraded (and been told outright the reason was because I am."pretty'). IThe flip side is I've also been infantalised and others have assumed I have an easy life, which of course isn't true

“Like how often do you think they look amazing or they look awful? Most people just look fine, nice, average all the time?”

this is true.

Ppl getting free stuff must be absolute knock-outs. Most ppl look fine/ok.

I think there are two advantages to not being pretty:

1. I read an article recently by a woman who was bemoaning the fact that she was becoming increasingly invisible as she aged - she had been used to a life of “pretty privilege”. If you never had this, you don’t miss it
2. Thinking of the thread on MN about whether it’s possible to have truly platonic male friends - it would never have occurred to me that you couldn’t, because if you’re not pretty it’s just not an issue

I would still rather have been pretty, though, on balance!

I don't disagree with you OP.

I was pretty (not enormously so and not beautiful at all) for many years - but only from about age 18 on. I was also clever and academic but being pretty helped a lot. people liked my face. Now I am a lot older and my prettiness is kind of irrelevant but I've noticed that I have the belief and confidence in myself that all those years of prettiness gave me.

It is an advantage. No idea why people would think it isn't.

Also is anyone now thinking hard about the word "pretty" and prettiness and finding them really odd (just me maybe)

Humans are shallow and ruled by sexual urges. No matter how its dressed up, its pretty depressing. I realised with my natural lack of charm, slight speech impediment, limp and distaste for make up I'd never really get far in life sometime around 22. It is simultaneously crushing and liberating.

Yes, it's true. Same goes for tall people. Life's not fair, but we are just apes after all 🤷‍♀️.

Only if they make the effort to do their hair, wear makeup and flattering clothes etc and those are things that conventionally unattractive people can do with similar effect. I don’t think that an attractive 50 year old has the same advantage as an attractive 30 year old, even if she is still attractive.

I've used to be attractive and had a really good figure. As I am now (41) I'm average looking and around 4 stone overweight. I've noticed I get treated differently now than when I was a size 8. I feel invisible.
I don't really mind though and still have good self esteem for the most part.

Thinking about my workplace (about 100 ppl), none of them are particularly pretty or attractive, just mostly fine/ok. Where are all these beautiful ppl working? Or am I ‘pretty’ blind? Am I just not seeing it?

The ‘beautiful’ people will come out from in front of their mirrors in a minute to tell us all how tough they have it. 😭

To some extent, yes, but it depends on the industry. I work in academia and there's no advantage there, not at the higher levels anyway. It's true you get more help and assistance if you are young and pretty, but if you are older/overweight and dress nicely, smile and are confident/assertive, that works fine too (as I've found out having been both).

Ha ha! I remember thinking the exact same thing when I started at my workplace!

Definitely well over 100 people in the office and thought, why is everybody here so unattractive?

I think it’s being pretty when you’re young and then more so being slim as you get older that is more important in this sense

I think that academia is one of those places where being pretty is a disadvantage. Men in particular, tend to think that you are not to be taken seriously if you are too pretty.

You're supposed to be too intellectual to own frivolous items like a mirror and a hairbrush. That was my experience anyway.

It's called the halo effect I think. People think if you're pretty you have other positive attributes. Explains a lot about why some very mediocre people walk into stellar jobs with no relevant experience.

They don't necessarily keep their edge though. I've always been the ugly sibling (not actually ugly, just by comparing to super conventionally beautiful sisters). Said sisters are now aging much worse, I am much more youthful looking. I am getting the perks of that now, they aren't. They are aging like our father (fast, young and not well). I am aging like my mother (she is 70s, still smooth skin, slowly). I didn't expect this but have discovered it's a thing at this time of life. I have to admit to being human and relishing it a bit after so many years of unfavourable comparing by other people.