Pretty people have such an advantage in life?

[ddisgruntled]

Honestly I think being not conventionally attractive means you have to work harder (at times quite a bit harder) than pretty people to be afforded the same things they get for free? Things like people attributing 'good' intentions to whatever they're doing, and are more eager to be helpful to pretty people, and others are more willing to gloss over their mistakes and flaws.

Of course we are all flawed, and all humans make mistakes, but I think attractive people have a much easier time with this being recognised. I'm nearly 40 so this isn't just observing the social dynamics of youngsters! It's everywhere, at every age.

It's subtle. I'm not ugly, just kind of bland and nondescript I'm very basic at grooming (washed and clean, but no point doing make up or hair as I'm shit at it and doesn't make any difference) and so don't really think about looks generally in day to day life - but then sometimes it hits me how it's like starting out a couple of steps behind a good looking person, in every new interaction?

Well it also has its social disadvantages, particularly with other women unfortunately.

It's my observation that pretty women aren't allowed to display a lot of the behaviours that others can get away with, without being thought of negatively.
Specifically; they had certainly better not be any variation of acerbic, cynical, overtly intelligent, opinionated, disagreeable, introverted, blunt or witty.

You can be pretty but you will pay the figurative social tax of always having to be 50% 'nicer' and far more accomodating than less attractive women. Otherwise they will dislike you.

If you play the game I'm sure there are benefits but it must be pretty exhausting to have to modify your personality to compensate for your relative beauty.

I was a classic ugly duckling, I'm much more attractive now in my 30s then I was in my teens. Men will fall over themselves to help me out, buy me a drink etc. I don't think its helped me in the work place though, as I work in female dominated area. In fact, it makes me more of a target for bitchiness I've found. It also isn't nice walking into a pub and being stared at and leered at. I've just come back from the local with my kids and I couldn't even buy me and the kids a drink without being harassed. Double edge sword I think.

I always think it must be nice when you are pretty because you know people are looking at your face and thinking nice thoughts. Where as with me, it is probably a case of 'Wow, that nose. So long, poor thing' or 'Must be horrible to have such a long face' etc. It would give me some confidence if I were pretty.

Just love Judge Judy, a wise lady indeed and that is one of her best quotes 👌

Of course very pretty females get on in life more....guess who's made £12million and spent more time off the tennis court than on.

A male cousin of mine is extremely good looking and has always got on in life .

Not helpful.

It suggests women can be intelligent but ugly or attractive idiots which is basically the punchline to the kind of jokes misogynists tell at the pub.

Let's not do the work for them.

Oh dear.

I don't think Judge Judy meant that at all.

Have you red the book ?

correction, should be "read"

The research on this says that a lot of the advantage is down to markers of good health. Things like being slim (but not overly thin), symmetrical, Good skin, hair and teeth, etc. Dressing well and standing up straight also signify self-confidence that comes with health and status, which we are evolutionarily programmed to find attractive. A lot of this is accessible to anyone - at least to improve on - which can help with things like getting treated with respect in the workplace.

Female friendships are harder to navigate for pretty women and attracting men you click with properly rather than those faking it for the status you bring is an issue.

I've worked in mental health and adult social care and I would say being overly attractive is a disadvantage. When people feel vulnerable, it's not great to turn up as a 26 year old stunner.

Yes they do. But it's a complete waste of life giving it headspace. Make the best of yourself get on with it and Iive tour life. It's shallow to heavily focus on others' looks anyway and as is too often seen, people disparaging good looking people and hoping they age fast, or implying they've an ugly personality. Plain, ugly, pretty - horrible personalities come in all packages.

Women find it difficult to celebrate another woman's beauty, unless they are secure within themselves.

My period came, and I feel less irked by my own physical unpretty aspects today now

Mother Nature can be a bitch.

It's my observation that pretty women aren't allowed to display a lot of the behaviours that others can get away with, without being thought of negatively.
Specifically; they had certainly better not be any variation of acerbic, cynical, overtly intelligent, opinionated, disagreeable, introverted, blunt or witty.

Gosh. My observation is the opposite. That attractive women have more scope to say whatever they like, and people will be more forgiving even if they find it unpalatable or not particularly insightful.

I see it referred to as the halo effect on this thread and that sums it up very well I think.

YUP 😎

Lots of people look lovely without having to do all that and put so much work in. Natural beauties who would look lovely in a bin bag!

I developed quite a severe eye allergy thing a few years ago so can no longer wear any make up or contact lenses. Doctors orders. I think I subconsciously gave up trying with looking nice then as I stopped caring about clothes then too and don't bother with getting my hair done.

Anyway the point of that is it's not always a choice as I can't use make up even if I wanted too, and glasses make my eyes look small and basically hide a lot of my face so no point trying - glasses don't suit me. Which is fine but not a choice! There's just no options.

I think you’re right. But also, today I was served in a cafe by a very beautiful girl, she must have only been about 16. She was wearing a bright pink bra and a see through corset top, bra all hanging out, huge boobs spilling out everywhere, tracky bottoms rolled down as low as legally possible! She was dressed overtly sexually, and she knew she was beautiful. And you know what, I felt really sorry for her. Even at her young age, society has compelled her to flaunt herself. She’ll be known and judged for her looks before anyone gets to know her.

Pure anecdata, but I have noticed that a lot of the extremely attractive women I’ve known have been treated appallingly by men.

I think it’s because they often have the misfortune of attracting men who see them as possessions, not people.

By people, do you mean men? Because that is certainly true.

Other women demand that beautiful women be just that. Beautiful. Nothing more than that, especially not opinionated, sarcastic, droll, acerbic, witty, unashamedly intelligent etc.

Just beautiful and extremely nice. That is the only way they will escape the often well disguised wrath of other women.

Pity the poor beauty who isn't naturally accommodating, docile and simpering. For that is precisely the due which will be demanded of her if she finds herself in a female dominated environment.

Other women demand that beautiful women be just that. Beautiful. Nothing more than that, especially not opinionated, sarcastic, droll, acerbic, witty, unashamedly intelligent etc.

No that really differs from what I have observed.

Right from my school days, when the most popular girls were pretty and intelligent, through basically every social group of people I have ever encountered - plenty of attractive women were very intelligent and witty and not afraid to speak their mind.

And because beautiful women are just people like everyone else with varying degrees of intelligence - some also were not particularly bright.

But most seemed quite confident in what they had to say, taking it for granted that they would be listened to and respected.

Obviously, who knows if the confidence is real, plenty of people are faking it til they make it.

It sounds very different to what you have experienced or observed, and I wonder if that is simply random chance of different social circles behaving differently or something, I don't know.

Most girls dress like this nowadays- have you been to a mall recently. The Kardashian's have a lot to answer for.

I think there's two aspects at play which may explain the difference in our perceptions.

I have always worked in a female dominated profession, went to exclusively single sex schools prior to that and my undergraduate programme was 97% female.
My observations of how other women treat beautiful women is not inclusive of the modulating effect of male peers/colleagues/classmates etc.

I think that beautiful women feel more relaxed in socially mixed company. Men are likely to identify and call women out on their poor treatment of other women, even if only in jest.

Also my observations are not of attractive women. A sizeable minority of women are indeed attractive.
My observations are strictly pertaining to women's treatment, expectations and judgement of beautiful women.

I wouldn't wish to be beautiful on this basis alone. I'm attractive and expectedly, don't face these issues and maltreatment.

Yes, pretty people have an advantage. I don't know you OP, but I bet you have one or more of the following advantages in life:

• born somewhere with free education for women to age 18
• born in a first world country
• caring parents who did their best for you
• good health
• access to free healthcare

All of these are just the luck of the draw, and affect the life you end up with. Don't worry so much about "pretty".

@ddisgruntled I work in an independent opticians. There is a pair of glasses to suit everybody. Customers often apologise for trying lots on but we're happy for customers to try on every pair in the shop until they find the right pair. People often narrow it down to two or three pairs and come back later with a friend to make a final choice. Don't give up on glasses.