Pretty people have such an advantage in life?

[ddisgruntled]

Honestly I think being not conventionally attractive means you have to work harder (at times quite a bit harder) than pretty people to be afforded the same things they get for free? Things like people attributing 'good' intentions to whatever they're doing, and are more eager to be helpful to pretty people, and others are more willing to gloss over their mistakes and flaws.

Of course we are all flawed, and all humans make mistakes, but I think attractive people have a much easier time with this being recognised. I'm nearly 40 so this isn't just observing the social dynamics of youngsters! It's everywhere, at every age.

It's subtle. I'm not ugly, just kind of bland and nondescript I'm very basic at grooming (washed and clean, but no point doing make up or hair as I'm shit at it and doesn't make any difference) and so don't really think about looks generally in day to day life - but then sometimes it hits me how it's like starting out a couple of steps behind a good looking person, in every new interaction?

My DM was a model and even now at 85, she's still a beauty. Being physically attractive definitely has its advantages but it does create jealousy and other problems.

I think it's a bit 2 edged- when you know you 'fit' in with how people perceive 'pretty' there's a natural confidence- because you don't stand out in a bad way.

I'm very far from being pretty, and while of course I would like to be pretty I can't say that I have ever thought that being so would be an advantage in my life in any way. I've always found that outgoing, jolly, people are the ones who others gravitate towards.

It doesn't stop at a certain age.
I am pretty for my age group, more so now than when younger, and I also have the wisdom of age to not use it to my advantage.

I think it absolutely applies to men. Also height is more important for men. Going bald - a few suit it but most don’t.

I go with when people think they are lacking something they like to put issues or 'benifits' onto other people

'I have image issues and am not getting what I want so it means others who are pretty are doing better than me'

I am just happy who I am and there will be others better and worse off than me like everyone has

@Lonicerax good point. There's the pressure of masculinity for men isn't there.

There is no all important. It helps to be a man, far less than before, thanks heavans. It helps to be posh, possibly more than it did 30 years ago and it helps to be pretty, it always has.

Yes I think you get more opportunities if you are pretty / attractive . But looks fade and that's hard to deal with so a double edged sword .
I sometimes wonder if Diana would had been so revered / iconic / remembered had she been plain . Probably not .

YANBU

Of course it’s easier to be pretty, that’s why it’s called a pretty privilege.

Read about halo effect, in short, people see beautiful woman and associate that with being smart, kind, good etc
And they treat pretty women better and take them more seriously/ they make more money.

And pretty women (if straight/bi) have so many options and to choose from when it comes to relationships, they don’t ever have to be single if they don’t want to, that leads to better quality life.
Followed up by marriage/kids and that leads to societal acceptance and that is a very privileged life.

So yes, life for pretty women is much better.

This

Bland and nondescript is a choice. This can be changed with a good haircut, makeup and style of clothing.

I have always been pretty, but not beautiful or stunning. I am 50 now and still pretty for my age and still get looks and interest from men (probably 40 plus). I don’t think all men are interested just in younger women at all from my experience. What I think make the most difference is actually being slim. Not just slim, but slim, toned and good posture.
I was quite overweight in my 30s. I was made redundant and really made an effort to lose weight before going for new jobs. It made such a difference to how I was treated by both men and women I think. I was especially gob smacked how men started to show similar interest in me as they had in my 20s and that has not stopped.

@MidnightMeltdown I agree, it's quite nice working in a field where what you look like is completely irrelevant and being older is being senior and more respected, once you are older. I also agree when younger this can lead to attractive people not being taken seriously, attractive women anyway, I think handsome/attractive men always do well.

I wonder if not being conventionally attractive means less hassle or worse from men, not that it should be the reality but is.

I don't really agree that 'looks fade'. We all age, but a person who was a pretty child, pretty in their 20s, 30, and 40s tends to also be pretty in their 50s and beyond. Just older.

It's a recognised phenomenon, OP.

Attractive children are generally told off less; attractive adults are often treated more favourably; people assume further positive attributes/qualities when someone is attractive (halo effect).

It is also possible though to 'become' attractive, most of my friends wear nice clothes, use a bit of make-up at work (some don't) and have good hair, they are attractive whatever their original features. I've done that all my life and it does work. It does take time and energy though.

The women in my family are all way above average looks, some have most definitely used it for their advantage and some haven’t because personality comes in to it. My three older sisters have never tried to gain an advantage, it’s not deliberate. Myself and my younger sister are a similar personality type to our Mother. We absolutely have taken advantage of situations. I would say younger sister to the point of exploitation. She has been a very wealthy man’s Mistress for a decade now. He has bought her a car, clothes, flies her with him on his business trips.

@MrsSkylerWhite You have a very valid point about class. We were poor but very well spoken. My Mother made sure of that. I ended up marrying a Doctor from a privileged background. My Mother was so delighted.

@merrymelodies Same with my Mother beguiling till the very end.I remember she went to the theatre and tripped down a couple of steps and a man caught her arm and said how such a precious flower shouldn’t be allowed to fall, she was around 90 at the time and dined out on that.

Myself and my sister are in our fifties now and still get attention but not as much, I prefer it that way.

I seem to have a large amount of attractive people at my office but maybe that’s simply because we have so many people. Have seen ‘pretty privilege’ in action plenty of times. It’s real.

When I first meet a very attractive person I don’t automatically think they are going to be nice. In fact, more often I expect they won’t be particularly friendly.

How do you mean? I’m not sure anyone has the option of “not using” something so evident to the eye.

I was bullied at school about my looks. Constantly told I was ugly, no one would want to go out with me etc. The pretty, popular girls got boys to engage in behaviour towards me that would be classed as sexual harassment now and it was very upsetting having my sexual self laughed at too. My self esteem was through the floor by the time I left school and I do blame what happened for my subsequent disastrous relationships. I feel like i settled for anyone who would have me rather than holding out for someone who deserved me. So I think appearance and self esteem/confidence can be linked and it's not easy to put yourself out there when you have those voices echoing in your mind (ugly cow, good tits shame about the rest, you think wearing <makeup, nice top or whatever> makes up for that face, everyone thinks you're disgusting but some are too scared to say it...). I'd have given anything to be pretty and accepted and probably still would within limits (not at the expense of my kids). It's shallow but I always see pretty and confident people getting ahead.

I have to admit to a kind of bias here in that if someone attractive posts lots of pictures of themselves online I will assume they’re a bit of a narcissist and that we probably aren’t going to get on. But maybe that’s partly because I assume they set a lot of store by their own looks so they’re likely to judge me on mine…?

I am sorry that you were treated so badly and my heart goes out to you.

I, too, was bullied at school because I had a facial deformity. They told me they wouldn't operate until I was 21 as that was when my bones would stop growing.

No-one wanted to be friends with me and if I went to the school dances people laughed at me.

So I stuck my head into my books and studied hard. I got a degree in an area where looks didn't matter and a job where competence was the only currency.

Eventually I had a big operation which cured the problem with my face.

But I still had the inferiority complex that was created by 'ugly me'. That lead to some poor choices of boyfriends.

So I engaged in a lot of therapy, learned about make-up hair etc, went to assertiveness classes and worked on myself.

In my spare time I work with animal rescue charities. This where I feel very fulfilled as animals don't judge you on your looks.

Did someone just say it's only a problem up to 45

What happens then? You've never seen a good looking person of such advanced age.