Page 12 | to pull my 6 year old out of school just because she wants to be home educated?

HomeEduDilemma · 2023-08-25T10:46:38+00:00

Me and DH are not in agreement over this and I am feeling really stuck about it! Our 9 year old (autistic) came out of school last year and is now home educated. He couldn't cope in mainstream school and we are all in agreement that home ed is the best thing for him. Our almost 6 year old absolutely thrived in Reception last year academically and socially. She's very attached to me and would love to stay with me, but also enjoys school. However, now she knows her brother is staying at home all day, she is miserable about going back to school. She's loved meeting up with other home ed kids over the summer and is in tears about school starting again. I feel like she is only little once and I am at home anyway, so why not home educate her too? I'm sure she would continue doing really well academically with 1:1 attention (both kids very bright/academic). DH feels like school should be the default and there is no real reason to keep her home. Plus as siblings they often bicker and fight and DS will suffer not getting 100% of my attention. AIBU? So unsure about what to do for the best.

Shezow · 26/08/2023 23:23

Sorry but the “ she probably thinks he gets to go out on trips and play at home all day” comments, are hilarious 😆 “make it boring and show her what it’s actually like”…. Uh that’s exactly what we do everyday play play play and go out.

Starwind74 · 26/08/2023 23:30

You said if you changed your hours so that you didn’t work weekends, you would have less time to take your son out in the week. However could you not then take both children swimming etc at weekends, perhaps your husband could go along as well.

Transmummy · 27/08/2023 00:13

I think you mentioned being able to leave your son with your teen if you had to go out? Apologies if I’ve misread.
Do you have 2 children at home while one goes to school and do you have other children?

Pupinski · 27/08/2023 01:11

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/08/2023 11:59

It’s easy for your DH to say you should do it. I wouldn’t want to HE either of my children but I definitely wouldn’t want to HE both of them.

DH is saying she shouldn't HE DD.

Createausername1970 · 27/08/2023 01:21

I home schooled my ND son in much the same way as you describe. Children (and adults) learn all the time, given the right circumstances. And school isn't right for all. My boy is not academic either, so he was struggling academically and socially, so it was a form of hell on a daily basis.

I can see both sides of your situation. If your daughter is keen to be home schooled and you are happy to do it, then there is no reason not to. But if your son needs a bit of 1:1 for a bit longer, then having her there might deprive him.

I think I would be tempted to tell her that yes she can be home schooled, but after Christmas. Then see how she still feels about it then. If she has enjoyed being part of a nativity etc., then she might change her mind.

It also gives you the chance to think about your current structure, and how this might be tweaked to incorporate her.

StaySpicy · 27/08/2023 05:55

PostOpOp · 26/08/2023 03:44

Nobody can tell if your DD wants home ed because she wants home Ed, or because she wants to spend more time with you.

If DS was doing a type of HE that was only tutors, and you were at work during the week, would she want to stop school and be home educated? I'm pretty sure your DS would choose that, not so clear about DD.

Similarly, if she could have her mum at home during the weekends would she choose not to go to school and be with her friends? Maybe, but again, it's not clear. Your DS would though.

It's very likely she's choosing HE as a way to choose time with you because she doesn't get enough of it. It's possible she's not too, the point is that you can't rule it out.

My DD10 would become very clingy almost overnight if I were to work all weekend, every weekend. If her DB was being HE in that mix she'd start school refusing. If he was being HE in the nice way you do it, I'd have a full on screaming match to get her out the door every day. She'd have so much resentment towards DB too that it would deteriorate their relationship.

The answer could be removing her from school, because that seems easiest.

But it's not prioritising her needs. It's meeting her needs around your work schedule that is meeting the needs to your DS. She's being fitted in, she's having needs met that are artificially created by this set up in the first place.

I'd not giver her until half term. I'd recognise my working time to have her actual needs met. If she gets enough time with you and still wants HE over seeing her friends, then I'd reconsider.

Totally agree.

The OP seems adamant that her work at the weekend is so her DS can have the best possible week of home Ed. No mention of sorting her work so her DD can have the best possible week (ie. some 1:1 time with Mum).

It seems like 9yo DS takes priority in OP's life and DD is going to have to fit in with her brother's life just so she feels she's getting the time with Mum she wants. It's sad, but the OP hasn't replied to questions about when her DD gets quality time with her and only replies to questions about her weekend work in terms of how it benefits her son's life, not how it potentially negatively affects her daughter's.

Tiddlywinks63 · 27/08/2023 07:23

Does your DD miss out on outings etc if you work every weekend? It’s not surprising she’s feeling left out when your DS gets not only 1:1 time with you all week days but she doesn’t get the equivalent at weekends.
Perhaps that is why she wants HE.
Does she have any 1:1 time with just you?

Dryona · 27/08/2023 07:39

Newnamefor23 · 26/08/2023 22:12

"School is not the only place for children to develop social skills. My son is home educated and I've barely seen him today - he's been off playing with the neighbourhood kids."

A quote from part of a post from yesterday....

He won't be able to be off playing with the neighbourhood kids next week as they'll all be in school.

School is far more than subjects and, as others have written, should be the default choice for the vast majority. There are those who need to be HE just as there are others who thrive in different, non mainstream schools.

As a former teacher I've seen children taken out of school to be HE for all sorts of reasons - the majority being related to falling out with the Head. Often because their particular (often impossible) demands couldn't be reasonably met.

However in this case I believe, from the information given, that the OP's son is probably best being HE.

Well, firstly, two out of seven of them are also home educated, so they won't all be at school.

Secondly, when his schooled friends are at school he socialises with home educated friends - at organised learning groups, social meet ups, 1:1 playdates and so on.

This is my point, if you manage to prove you are meeting your home educated child's academic needs people wring their hands about socialisation. If you can prove you are meeting your child's social needs you get the hand wringing about academics. People simply cannot seem to get their heads around the idea that home education, even for a neurotypical child, can be a positive choice.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/08/2023 08:16

Dryona · 27/08/2023 07:39

Well, firstly, two out of seven of them are also home educated, so they won't all be at school.

Secondly, when his schooled friends are at school he socialises with home educated friends - at organised learning groups, social meet ups, 1:1 playdates and so on.

This is my point, if you manage to prove you are meeting your home educated child's academic needs people wring their hands about socialisation. If you can prove you are meeting your child's social needs you get the hand wringing about academics. People simply cannot seem to get their heads around the idea that home education, even for a neurotypical child, can be a positive choice.

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@Dryona

it can be positive yeah. Whether it can be possible is another matter seeing as most parents have to go to work when their kids are at school

Bib1234 · 27/08/2023 08:49

DO IT! I have 6 kids and home educate half and half go to school.
It started with one child’s needs not being met so we home educated them, then another one wanted to etc

Idonkke · 27/08/2023 08:55

You are asking opinions from the wrong set of audience. Most people here send their kids to school. Since you are inclined towards homeschooling, this is not the right place to post your question. This will only get you to nowhere. find Facebook groups exclusively for home education. Sure they will be of more help. They will be able to suggest whether you need to evaluate your daughter's situation to see if brother staying home is the only reason why she wants to be homeschooled or is there something else to it. They can also provide you solutions on how to homeschool two kids. Many parents homeschools all of their kids. So you will get suggestions on how to homeschool two kids who fight at home. Hope this helps.

Just to let you know all I don't home school my kids.

Dryona · 27/08/2023 09:14

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/08/2023 08:16

@Dryona

it can be positive yeah. Whether it can be possible is another matter seeing as most parents have to go to work when their kids are at school

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Well that's irrelevant, as it's possible for the OP.

Original poster

HomeEduDilemma · 27/08/2023 11:11

Bertiesmum3 · 26/08/2023 20:42

No wonder why she wants to stay home during the week if you spend time with your son when he’s home, but when your daughter is home you’re at work!

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Yeah, of course I understand this - which is a big driver to consider keeping her home too.

OP posts:

Original poster

HomeEduDilemma · 27/08/2023 11:17

StaySpicy · 27/08/2023 05:55

Totally agree.

The OP seems adamant that her work at the weekend is so her DS can have the best possible week of home Ed. No mention of sorting her work so her DD can have the best possible week (ie. some 1:1 time with Mum).

It seems like 9yo DS takes priority in OP's life and DD is going to have to fit in with her brother's life just so she feels she's getting the time with Mum she wants. It's sad, but the OP hasn't replied to questions about when her DD gets quality time with her and only replies to questions about her weekend work in terms of how it benefits her son's life, not how it potentially negatively affects her daughter's.

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I understand DD isn't getting as much 1:1 time or doing fun trips - I mean that's literally why I'm considering home educating her.
The only 1:1 she really gets at the moment is school holidays and bedtimes.

It's easy to say DS takes priority but not easy to change things - the reality is a home educated 9 year old can't just be left to it, they need an adult available in the week.

OP posts:

TheYear2000 · 27/08/2023 11:47

I don't think you've answered- if you only work two days currently, could you not swap one of these days to a week day and your children's father work from home that day? 4 day a week home schooling with more independent activities/reading on day when dad working from home, and your daughter gets to have a day with you at weekend?

Why would it go from 2 days a week at weekend to full time week day job as alternative? I know you've said you're a trained teacher, is your work related eg tutoring?

Barney60 · 27/08/2023 11:51

Think id go down the route of, 9 year old came out of mainstream at 8 years old, 6 years old can do same if doesn't settle by aged 8.
Tell her that she has to stay as he did until aged 8.
Think she may of made a group of friends by then and want to go into school.

Original poster

HomeEduDilemma · 27/08/2023 12:46

TheYear2000 · 27/08/2023 11:47

I don't think you've answered- if you only work two days currently, could you not swap one of these days to a week day and your children's father work from home that day? 4 day a week home schooling with more independent activities/reading on day when dad working from home, and your daughter gets to have a day with you at weekend?

Why would it go from 2 days a week at weekend to full time week day job as alternative? I know you've said you're a trained teacher, is your work related eg tutoring?

The weekend role is very well paid, similar to a full time teacher salary, so to earn anything similar in the week I would have to be 4-5 days realistically.

OP posts:

Weebleonaworkout · 27/08/2023 18:05

I agree. I'd also be tempted to start HE this week. Books out on the table the night before for all lessons. A timetable of lessons and breaktimes etc. A box to hand over all electronic gadgets until 'hometime'. No tv during the day. Wet play means board games (for one player) or colouring in.
She'll be bored rigid. No school trips, no breaktimes with friends and certainly no invitations to parties.
An absolutely rigid timetable to be tried out as an example and definitely no disappearing into her bedroom to play with toys (obviously as it's the school day).
I think she might just change her mind.

LouBeLouBeLou · 27/08/2023 19:07

@Bertiesmum3 Fortunately we're all different :)

Original poster

HomeEduDilemma · 27/08/2023 19:08

Weebleonaworkout · 27/08/2023 18:05

I agree. I'd also be tempted to start HE this week. Books out on the table the night before for all lessons. A timetable of lessons and breaktimes etc. A box to hand over all electronic gadgets until 'hometime'. No tv during the day. Wet play means board games (for one player) or colouring in.
She'll be bored rigid. No school trips, no breaktimes with friends and certainly no invitations to parties.
An absolutely rigid timetable to be tried out as an example and definitely no disappearing into her bedroom to play with toys (obviously as it's the school day).
I think she might just change her mind.

I'm already home educating her sibling so she knows that's not what it's like.

OP posts:

Silentwitless · 28/08/2023 03:22

You've posted in the wrong place here OP. You are missing out on so many HE benefits by having one child in school, having to cut HE days short, not being able to have down time pyjama days because of having to do the school run. Not beng able to have cheap holidays because you've got one in school, not to mention you're still having to jump through all the school hoops - uniform, book day, letters home for this and that. Completely irrespective of all the social and educational benfits of HE that your daughter would totally miss out on if she's stuck in a school classroom, with the same few people day in and day out, only learning things once when the teacher says so, rather than being able to repeat some things, and whizz though others in a way that's tailored to her needs. You obviously know, from your posts and having tried both, what is best for your daughter, and if you are asking on here for support to take to your OH then asking the majority who have only known school and genuinely don't even understand what home education is, is not going to get you what you need.

Saracen · 28/08/2023 08:02

HomeEduDilemma · 27/08/2023 19:08

I'm already home educating her sibling so she knows that's not what it's like.

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I agree, No way is your daughter going to be taken in by such a silly trick!

Besides, it seems an odd and pointless deceit. If you do decide she ought to stay in school, then you can explain to her the real reasons for that, or simply tell her that you and her dad have decided that it's best if she stays in school and it isn't up for discussion. You don't have to give her a fake choice regarding where she is educated, then manipulate her into making the decision you prefer by tricking her with a bizarre performance designed to convince her that home ed would be exactly like school except more boring! 😂

Kwasi · 28/08/2023 15:59

HomeEduDilemma · 25/08/2023 13:47

Yeah, I think this is definitely it. She wants to be with me and she can see home ed is lots of fun.
I can try to change my working pattern but then it will definitely mean less time to devote to home ed for my son. Even if I can work from home, we won't be able to just go swimming or take trips to museums, meet up with other home educators.

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How many museum trips would you usually do in a week?

Victoria3010 · 28/08/2023 17:03

I would suggest waiting to see how the first term goes at least. My LG is her age, and loved school but after the summer holiday is teary about going back, the summer is LONG when you're 5 or 6 and it'll feel nerve wracking going back. Once she's back she'll have her friends etc and will probably really enjoy it. The other thing to remember is you can always take her out, but putting her back in will be harder - if the school is popular the space might go, but even if it is open then friendship groups change and she would have to re-adjust to school routine. I'd say you've clearly thought really hard about your DD and his needs and made a sensible decision, and it might be right for your daughter but making that decision at the end of the summer holiday isn't a great idea. I'd wait and see.... ultimately if she would be happier and get a better education and it wouldn't have a negative impact on your DS then it might be a good plan, but I don't think you or she will be able to tell till she's back at school and you've home educated your son for a while - that way you'll know what it's like doing HE and how much attention he needs too.

Kazzybingbong · 28/08/2023 17:21

School isn’t the default, home education is as you have to opt into school.

My daughter is 7 and had an awful lot of anxiety about leaving me and going to school, she is probably autistic. She asked to be home educated and after a lot of research, we deregistered her.

We’re only three months in but she loves it. We’ve been doing numeracy today because she wanted to, not because she’s being made to in a classroom. She actually said ‘I work way quicker at home because at school I used to just talk to my friends’ 🤣

It can be a very fulfilling experience and for us personally, is the best thing for our family.