Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to pull my 6 year old out of school just because she wants to be home educated?

379 replies

HomeEduDilemma · 25/08/2023 11:46

Me and DH are not in agreement over this and I am feeling really stuck about it!

Our 9 year old (autistic) came out of school last year and is now home educated. He couldn't cope in mainstream school and we are all in agreement that home ed is the best thing for him.

Our almost 6 year old absolutely thrived in Reception last year academically and socially. She's very attached to me and would love to stay with me, but also enjoys school.

However, now she knows her brother is staying at home all day, she is miserable about going back to school. She's loved meeting up with other home ed kids over the summer and is in tears about school starting again.

I feel like she is only little once and I am at home anyway, so why not home educate her too? I'm sure she would continue doing really well academically with 1:1 attention (both kids very bright/academic).

DH feels like school should be the default and there is no real reason to keep her home. Plus as siblings they often bicker and fight and DS will suffer not getting 100% of my attention.

AIBU? So unsure about what to do for the best.

OP posts:
YourNameGoesHere · 25/08/2023 11:49

Realistically will it actually be in either childs best interests?

Your son sounds like he needs the 1-1 set up to actually achieve and your daughter sounds like she benefits from time away from you and her brother.

I'd be inclined to agree with your husband that she should remain in school.

NuffSaidSam · 25/08/2023 11:50

I'd send her back in September and review at half term. If she thrived at school last year then it's likely just the thought of going back after the summer that's upsetting her and her sibling being home. Once she's settled back in with her friends etc. there's every chance she'll be happy again. If she isn't you can always take her out at half-term/Christmas/whenever you want.

mn29 · 25/08/2023 11:55

Could you tell her that you’ll consider the issue again after she’s done another term at school? She’s probably forgotten how much she enjoyed it after all this time off as six year olds have short memories! They also have a lot of short-lived desires so definitely shouldn’t be a snap decision.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/08/2023 11:59

It’s easy for your DH to say you should do it. I wouldn’t want to HE either of my children but I definitely wouldn’t want to HE both of them.

Floppyfrog · 25/08/2023 12:01

No she just has FOMO. Maybe do a trial HE day this week with her and make it really really boring.

DanceMumTaxi · 25/08/2023 12:02

I’d send her back to school. Once she’s back with her school friends she’ll probably be fine. It sounds like there are good reasons to HE your son and he sounds like he needs all your attention, and I imagine this will just get worse as he gets older.

CrapBucket · 25/08/2023 12:03

I would tell her she is very lucky and isbgetting HE and school! Some days are school days and some are HE days.

CrapBucket · 25/08/2023 12:03

(Ie weekends and holidays)

CremeEggThief · 25/08/2023 12:04

Well if you're home anyway, surely it's up to you?
I think you're being a bit OTT to put this in AIBU though!

Passivhaus · 25/08/2023 12:06

I'd send her to school. You have in your post basically said that it is in both her and your son's best interests for her to be at school.

You can't just allow kids to dictate what they want to do, parents are in charge and need to make difficult decisions for the benefit of their child not on a child's whim.

cheddercherry · 25/08/2023 12:07

It sounds like if they will fight and bicker you’ll just be removing the stability of DS’s home set up to appease your daughter who quite clearly doesn’t need that same support. It’s important that she learns other children may need additional or alternative support and she can’t always have something just because her brother does. His needs and space is a valid and necessary adjustment you’ve made, I’d agree with your husband there’s no need to rock the boat just to avoid some current sulks from your daughter. It would be different if she too was struggling but she has friends and is thriving so really you’ll be chucking her into the unknown to change that.

TheBarbieEffect · 25/08/2023 12:09

YourNameGoesHere · 25/08/2023 11:49

Realistically will it actually be in either childs best interests?

Your son sounds like he needs the 1-1 set up to actually achieve and your daughter sounds like she benefits from time away from you and her brother.

I'd be inclined to agree with your husband that she should remain in school.

Agree with this. School should always be the default, home education should only ever be a last resort.

DragonFly98 · 25/08/2023 12:10

School isn't the default you have to opt in by applying for a place. I would home Ed her, it's a much nicer experience for children.

MatildaTheCat · 25/08/2023 12:10

I wouldn’t entertain the idea. She’s thriving at school and probably enjoys the playtimes, school assemblies, classroom activities and all sorts of things that your DS did not enjoy.

Send her back to school without any further discussion other than to remind her about all the fun things they will be doing.

YourNameGoesHere · 25/08/2023 12:12

DragonFly98 · 25/08/2023 12:10

School isn't the default you have to opt in by applying for a place. I would home Ed her, it's a much nicer experience for children.

That's a very narrow viewpoint though which doesn't take into account any of the information we have about the OPs situation. How will it be a nicer experience for her children to spend their time bickering and for her son to miss out on getting any education simply because his sister thinks he's getting a better deal because he's at home with mum?

NerrSnerr · 25/08/2023 12:12

DragonFly98 · 25/08/2023 12:10

School isn't the default you have to opt in by applying for a place. I would home Ed her, it's a much nicer experience for children.

For every single child in every different circumstance?

It sounds like she has previously enjoyed school. I'd tell her that you'll reconsider after half term.

The decision to home educate should be made for each individual child.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 25/08/2023 12:13

I’d get her back to school and let her enjoy catching up with her friends, getting to know her new teacher etc.

The decision to HE your ds has been made to meet his needs. From what you’ve said her needs can be met in school.

She won’t be getting 1:1 either if there’s 2 kids and 1 of you!

Bex5490 · 25/08/2023 12:14

It sounds like your children have completely different needs. You must have thought that mainstream education had some advantages to home ed when you initially sent DD and she is clearly benefiting from those. If DS needs a little more of your support this might cause issues between them in the long run and your set up now (where DS has your full attention during the day) and DD can have her special time when she gets home sounds perfect…

It would be different if this was because she hated school or was struggling. Give her another term and see how she feels.

RitzyMcFitzy · 25/08/2023 12:19

I feel like she is only little once and I am at home anyway, so why not home educate her too?

Because it sounds quite limiting and insular a life to a child who you've said thrives at school.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 25/08/2023 12:20

If you keep her at home, neither child is getting 1:1 because you will be spread between the pair of them, and it sounds like your ds really needs it. It also sounds like they could do with a break from each other, having them both at home full time will increase the bickering. For right now I would be sending dd back to school, but looking into the possibility of flexi schooling her in the future.

WaltzingWaters · 25/08/2023 12:22

Is she aware she’d be in proper lessons still even if she’s at home? Or is she thinking that you and her brother just play games and have fun trips etc whilst she’s at school?
I always had those end of summer holidays blues. I’m sure she’ll be fine once she’s actually back at school with her friends. And if not, you can reassess further down the line.

neverbeenskiing · 25/08/2023 12:23

You can't just allow kids to dictate what they want to do, parents are in charge and need to make difficult decisions for the benefit of their child not on a child's whim.

I agree with this. I'm not anti HE at all. I am sure it is absolutely the right thing for some children. But it is a huge decision, not something a 6 year old can possibly have the capacity to understand. There is nothing wrong with saying no to a child, as she gets older she will have to understand that her sibling has different needs so they will not always be treated exactly the same.

Bex5490 · 25/08/2023 12:31

neverbeenskiing · 25/08/2023 12:23

You can't just allow kids to dictate what they want to do, parents are in charge and need to make difficult decisions for the benefit of their child not on a child's whim.

I agree with this. I'm not anti HE at all. I am sure it is absolutely the right thing for some children. But it is a huge decision, not something a 6 year old can possibly have the capacity to understand. There is nothing wrong with saying no to a child, as she gets older she will have to understand that her sibling has different needs so they will not always be treated exactly the same.

This.

ManchesterLu · 25/08/2023 12:31

She needs to be in school.

Any 6yo would think it was unfair if her big brother got to stay home and they didn't. But they're also nowhere near mature enough to make decisions about their education. If she thrived last year and made friends, school is 100% the best place for her.

She probably thinks her brother stays home and plays all day. Is there any chance you could give her a 'trial' day before the holidays end to show her what it's like to be home educated? You could embellish it a bit and give her really boring things to do all day..

Original poster
HomeEduDilemma · 25/08/2023 12:32

DanceMumTaxi · 25/08/2023 12:02

I’d send her back to school. Once she’s back with her school friends she’ll probably be fine. It sounds like there are good reasons to HE your son and he sounds like he needs all your attention, and I imagine this will just get worse as he gets older.

I don't want to prioritise one child over the other though, or for her to feel like the most important thing to us was meeting her brother's needs.

OP posts: