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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this text ok to my mum?

298 replies

user86654110 · 25/08/2023 08:16

My mother said I treat her like a slave and asked her not to treat her like a maid all the time after this text to her.

I asked her to clarify and she said my text message to her was rude and I didn't say please.

For context I'm mid-30s with 2 young kids (she was picking me and the kids up which was pre-agreed).

I thought I was being quite calm having to wait 40mins with the children but maybe IABU after all and am a rude and terrible daughter.

Need honesty here please! I'm an only child so can't ask any siblings for reference.

Was this text ok to my mum?
OP posts:
tiredmama23 · 25/08/2023 10:09

@Brefugee

I'm a mum and a daughter in my 30s. I'm still Team Mum here!

tiredmama23 · 25/08/2023 10:10

MN is so funny. Getting a lift off your parents is entitled but on other threads they should also be obliged to give you free childcare 3 days a week

Nope. BOTH of these expectations are cheeky fuckery imo.

MiraculousLadybird · 25/08/2023 10:11

Definitely team daughter. The mum agreed to do something, fannied about when she was meant to be doing it, left them all waiting, and then got pissy about a perfectly ordinary text message. Seriously hard fucking work.

WeetabixTowels · 25/08/2023 10:11

I’ve re-read the messages and honestly think the abrupt one if the Mum.

OP isn’t entitled, she’s asked for a lift as a one off! Her mum doesn’t do childcare, it’s a lift FGS.

And before anyone says it no I’m not an entitled daughter, last time my mum gave me a lift was when I was in my teens and given she lives abroad I certainly don’t rely on her for anything 😆

WeetabixTowels · 25/08/2023 10:12

tiredmama23 · 25/08/2023 10:10

MN is so funny. Getting a lift off your parents is entitled but on other threads they should also be obliged to give you free childcare 3 days a week

Nope. BOTH of these expectations are cheeky fuckery imo.

It’s cheeky fuckery to ask for a lift from your mum?

Again - thank fuck I don’t have weird relatives who would be outraged by a request like this.

Yalta · 25/08/2023 10:12

I thought I was being quite calm having to wait 40mins with the children but maybe IABU after all and am a rude and terrible daughter

I think the text messages might have come across as blunt but it is this bit that I think your body language and demeanour were saying you were annoyed as she wasn’t able to come immediately to do your bidding

If you need a lift and want someone to come at a precise time then order a taxi.

MeAgainPeeps · 25/08/2023 10:12

I think you're very entitled. You thought you were calm after waiting 40 minutes. You asked for a lift. Your mum said 9.40 and she arrived 9.45. You can't expect people to drop everything because you click your fingers.

I think you could have been more polite but wonder if your mum is irritated because its a patten of behaviour rather than a one off incident.

In future, if you need a favour maybe ask in advance and be more grateful.

RunningFromInsanity · 25/08/2023 10:12

I don’t think it’s bad.
You said please and thanks.

ManateeFair · 25/08/2023 10:12

The message about parking the car is a bit curt/blunt, but in the whole context of the conversation it doesn't look too bad to me. I'd certainly have said 'Could you park...' rather than just 'Park...' and I'd probably have added a thanks afterwards or something. But I think your mum is overreacting a little bit - unless this is part of a wider pattern and this is the last straw, if you see what I mean. It's hard to tell from just one exchange of messages how you typically interact with her.

strawberry2017 · 25/08/2023 10:13

Does your mum often have to drive to around?

Brefugee · 25/08/2023 10:13

seriously hard of fucking reading?

There is more to it than this exchange. OP has taken it that this text is the trigger and i agree it might be. But there is more to it than the text since OPs mum's specific complaint isn't about the actual text but the way OP treats her. OP has just asked us if this text is awful, and there are varying opinions on that.

But it isn't about this text at all.

And if i were OPs mum I'd be dialling down the help a bit if i thought i was being treated badly.

catsnhats11 · 25/08/2023 10:13

Surely if it takes 20 mins to drive there, she needs more than 20 mins notice?! So a heads up before the first message would have been good.

anotheranotheranotheranother · 25/08/2023 10:15

She told you when she was leaving so all you needed to say was 'thanks, see you soon'

You obviously know roughly how long it takes for her to get to you so the dramatic needing to stay inside makes no sense, the order to park and text bc you could not be arsed waiting would have fucked me right off.

CurlewKate · 25/08/2023 10:15

It sounds rude to me! Particularly as she obviously tried to get there as quickly as she could. But unless it's a regular thing, a "oh, mum, I'm sorry-I was hot and frazzled and I didn't mean to sound rude" message should sort it out.

rollonretirementfgs · 25/08/2023 10:15

Rude!

tiredmama23 · 25/08/2023 10:19

@WeetabixTowels

Wow, your comprehension is really struggling today. Again, let me help.

No, it's not CF to ask for a lift. Re-read my comment again. The CF is the expectation that you are entitled to that lift.

Hope that helps. 😀

Poppins2016 · 25/08/2023 10:20

Blunt, bossy and missing please and thank you!

I pick my 4 year old up on this... "Mummy, do this/that/the other" and refuse to budge until he's changed his tone and asked me nicely.

tiredmama23 · 25/08/2023 10:20

Hence why I said:

BOTH of these expectations are cheeky fuckery imo.

Hence - It's the expectation that is CF; not the asking. 👍🏻

Poppins2016 · 25/08/2023 10:22

Poppins2016 · 25/08/2023 10:20

Blunt, bossy and missing please and thank you!

I pick my 4 year old up on this... "Mummy, do this/that/the other" and refuse to budge until he's changed his tone and asked me nicely.

Just for clarity - I'm referring to the second to last text message.

Yalta · 25/08/2023 10:22

I think next time you ask for anything your mum just says no.

Then you can’t get angry at her for doing you a favour and you don’t have to pretend that her tardiness for not being able to drop everything immediately won’t be a problem.

Elphame · 25/08/2023 10:22

They are short and to the point. Very like mine. I don't waste words in texts

Agree if there is a pattern though in the background of you expecting your mum to run around after you and this was the catalyst for her to say something

tiredmama23 · 25/08/2023 10:22

Brefugee · 25/08/2023 10:13

seriously hard of fucking reading?

There is more to it than this exchange. OP has taken it that this text is the trigger and i agree it might be. But there is more to it than the text since OPs mum's specific complaint isn't about the actual text but the way OP treats her. OP has just asked us if this text is awful, and there are varying opinions on that.

But it isn't about this text at all.

And if i were OPs mum I'd be dialling down the help a bit if i thought i was being treated badly.

This with fucking bells on 👏🏻

ohpoowhatnow · 25/08/2023 10:24

Yes rude !

WeetabixTowels · 25/08/2023 10:25

tiredmama23 · 25/08/2023 10:19

@WeetabixTowels

Wow, your comprehension is really struggling today. Again, let me help.

No, it's not CF to ask for a lift. Re-read my comment again. The CF is the expectation that you are entitled to that lift.

Hope that helps. 😀

But she did ask for a lift. This wasn’t a random text out the blue it was pre-arranged. So she wasn’t expecting a lift.

And here’s a revelation: if you can’t give a lift, say no! Rather than being a martyr about it.

WeetabixTowels · 25/08/2023 10:25

Poppins2016 · 25/08/2023 10:20

Blunt, bossy and missing please and thank you!

I pick my 4 year old up on this... "Mummy, do this/that/the other" and refuse to budge until he's changed his tone and asked me nicely.

OP literally has please and thank you in her messages.