Was this text ok to my mum?

[user86654110]

My mother said I treat her like a slave and asked her not to treat her like a maid all the time after this text to her.

I asked her to clarify and she said my text message to her was rude and I didn't say please.

For context I'm mid-30s with 2 young kids (she was picking me and the kids up which was pre-agreed).

I thought I was being quite calm having to wait 40mins with the children but maybe IABU after all and am a rude and terrible daughter.

Need honesty here please! I'm an only child so can't ask any siblings for reference.

I think they're fine and you said please in the first text

Yes - and if her mum wasn’t ok with it waiting, she shouldn’t have agreee to do it. That was the problem - she agreed and then messed about with bread.

I just don’t know any close 2 people who would say “Would you mind terribly parking the car please where you parked it last time, thank you ever so much, I’m so grateful”. Surely with our nearest and dearest people don’t speak like that! OP said please and thank you. Nothing abrupt whatsoever

So her mum was supposed to waste a whole morning just sitting around waiting for a summons to pick them up? OP is a grown woman with children, she should not be expecting her mum to adapt her daily life just because she needs a ride.

👏🏻

I agree with this. If you agree to do someone a favour, you at least attempt to turn up on time or say no in the first place

so difficult and annoying that she has taken the time to act as the taxi for her daughter and GCs?

I wonder who the Daugters are in this thread and who are the mums doing the favours.

@WeetabixTowels

No, just: "hey mum, just letting you know I'm outside x, same place as last time. Thanks again 😃"

Something like that. That's what I'd send.

Then maybe OP should have got a taxi?

Your texts are fine!!! I read the texts before your OP and couldn’t tell who was you and who was your mum!!

It’s hard to convey emotion in messages, we all read what we want to. You are not rude.

It's a bit patronising to say ' Park the car and text me when you are here' 😀. You should have just arranged a time and place that would most likely fit. Sounds very annoying!

I'm a daughter, and I'm team Mum all the way!

Oh FGS if you need your actual daughter to add an emoji into a message to appease you you have problems.

Honestly the texts are absolutely fine.

The please and thank you aren’t really the issue. It’s the assumption that she’s at your beck and call, which comes across in the texts and your annoyance at having to wait while she does her own jobs.

OP already knew she had to wear at least 20 minutes as mum lives that far away from the pick up.
An extra 20 min delay as there was a vague ‘sometime in the morning’ request isn’t unreasonable I don’t think.

@WeetabixTowels

With or without the emoji works fine.
The emoji is what I said I would send, that's my personal preference.
The words by themselves are also perfectly polite and acceptable.

But you miss the point entirely, that's fine. 🤷‍♀️

Sorry@Threenow I meant to quote @jlpth

The texts are completely fine. So glad my family are generally very chilled about this stuff.

'where the fuck are you mum????' would be rude 😁

And there are lots of entitled adult daughters on here!

I think some people are REALLY highly strung and get huffy because someone has the audacity to not put emojis in a text or say thank you 4,000 times, or arrange a specific time and place rather than just saying “park when you get here and message me” (FYI not everyone has a drive I don’t and always tell people I’m meeting to park in the car park round the corner). I’m very grateful my family is so much more laid back and I’m not made to feel like a naughty child over text messages.

Just checked my last message to my mum. She asked if my kids were feeling better. I just put ‘Yeah’ 😆 and she replied ‘Oh good’. I should call her and check if I should have put an emoji 🤣🤣

This is spades.

It's the overall attitude of entitlement conveyed, and the abrupt message is just one part of that. Other hints are in the "I felt I was calm having to wait with 2 kids" comments, and mum's comments about being fed up of being treated like a skivvy, etc. It's clear it's all part of a bigger picture of the expectation placed upon OP's mum.

I am wondering if it is like-mother-like-daughter: it’s OTT to take the huff at what’s a perfectly fine and matter-of-fact text exchange….. but I also think it’s a bit much to come and ask Mumsnet about it!

A trillion percent!!

I’m assuming the OP pre-arranged the lift?

MN is so funny. Getting a lift off your parents is entitled but on other threads they should also be obliged to give you free childcare 3 days a week

and the mum here had to spend 40 minutes driving - then loading the kids in and out of the car. So what?

The point isn't if the tone of the text was off - the mum has said outside of this message, and it seems to me too that this is a last straw thing, that she feels the DD is treating her like a slave. So OP needs to reflect a little, and if she wants help, to modify her language a bit. It's not much to ask, is it?