Is it actually me not them? Kids and screens

[Goforththenorth]

Just got back from a lovely holiday at a family friendly hotel abroad. Exclusively British/Irish clientele.

I couldn’t believe the amount of device time I saw that didn’t include the airport/plane - tablets, phones and hand held consoles. All the time - poolside, at meal times, everywhere I turned there were kids plugged into devices, a lot of the time with headphones.

My DC are neurodivergent (one certainly, suspect the other is too) and when occupied on screens, they’re quiet and don’t bother us, so I can see the appeal (I watched a film in relative peace on the return flight because they were playing games on screens the whole time).

But…I couldn’t believe it. I purposely don’t take screens to meals out in the UK because, maybe especially because my DC are the way they are, I think it helps to teach them that sometimes they have to wait, a bit of patience. I always take colouring, stickers or books and magazines. My eldest with ADHD and DCD really struggles with sitting with zero to occupy him, I’d say it’s nigh on impossible. So it really does take a lot of energy to occupy him while he’s waiting for food to arrive in a restaurant without a screen. We only go to family friendly places. Can’t say if this helps as he’s not great at controlling the ants in his pants if we’re not there to help him control them. But knowing him, having a tablet at a meal once would be a slippery slope to having one every single time.

On holiday, it was an all inclusive buffet so there was none of that waiting for food - DC were in heaven able to get up and help themselves without waiting. Still everywhere I saw kids plugged into their screens whilst eating. Same at the pool, my DC love the water so are happy for a good while, but if they had the option of a tablet or console poolside there would’ve been a lot less pool time.

But seeing as we were in the minority, I’m wondering if it’s in fact me that is old fashioned, too strict with screens, and need to relax a bit? My DM was VERY strict. My DC get what I feel is a lot of screens at home, but I have to control it. I’m wondering if that’s a problem in itself, if I was more relaxed would they want it less in the end. They are definitely not super well behaved, so it’s not like I think I’m winning at parenting!

YANBU - it’s unusual for DC to be on screens so much on holiday

YABU - it’s you, you tech dinosaur, get with the times and relax about screens

Soshallinever, I wasn't at an all inclusive just a normal hotel, but since you mention it, my kids love an all inclusive, not that it makes much difference where the event took place

Lucyboat, after the first time, I just sat as far away from them as possible, out of hearing range

I’m sure I got plenty of judgey looks on holiday thanks to my tantrumming 5 year old!

I completely agree with you. My kids watch tv but don’t have their own tablet (they can watch cartoons on ours on long journeys, etc.). But we have never given them screens when they’re bored. We bring sticker books, colouring, etc., when on meals out, and talk to them! I don’t get how toddlers in pushchairs need to watch something on their parent’s phone, surely they should be able to chill and watch what’s going on around them? We coped perfectly fine as children.

I am a teacher and I really think children have to be bored and learn to entertain themselves. I (and lots of other teacher friends and colleagues) have also noticed a notice a drop in pupils’ attention span since we started teaching, and, although some do have ADHD, most don’t, and can’t focus for more than 5 minutes, even in sixth form.

Once children can read independently, just give them a book. Don’t give them the option to watch/ play something on your phone.

My children all have devices at home but we never ever take them on holiday - nor do we take them to a restaurant. They are aged between 5 and 10 and are fine without them.

We went camping in the UK this summer. Most kids were playing on bikes and in the park and pool. Some parents were just lounging around the campsite with thier kids plugged into devises the whole time. It was the same families and in the minority. It's lazy parenting.

YANBU. I hate how much devices rule my DCs lives, and will lock them if the use of devices is actually preventing us from going out and doing real life activities. Don't get me wrong, they are a life saver when on long journeys. But I restrict their use. Life is for living, not staring at a screen.

I think I’m in the minority here, but I’d much rather my DC had screens for the odd meal out/on holiday than use them regularly at home.

Not for every meal in a restaurant, or instead of the pool etc, but as a treat that also allows the adults to relax for a little while too? I don’t see a problem.

Lots of screen time at home would worry me far more because it’s habit building and more likely to get in the way of normal play.

I agree with you OP. I don't think the use of screens as a way of keeping kids quiet is healthy or good for them. There's already evidence that suggests screens act on the brain in the way an addiction does, which can't be good. And they're really bad in terms of manners, because they effectively put people into their own world where they're not communicating externally - just rude at the dinner table.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but I have well mannered kids!

Sure, I mean them camping next to us on their devices the whole time just happened to be a coincidence.

It’s odd but my son can use a tablet AND have manners! Strange concept I know but the two aren’t dependant on each other.

But unless you’re sat watching them 24/7 then how can you judge on just that snapshot?

and even if they didn’t decide to spend their holiday that way what impact did it have on you? (Other than providing you something to feel superior about!)

Ther is also 24 hour tv which wasn’t the case until 2000s (I think)
Brain is constantly being bombarded with info - not the same if you read as you control speed.

Im fairly relaxed about TV but have chosen not to go down the handheld screens route for my LG.

My SSs (6&8) have unlimited use of their tablets/gaming devices and they sit on them all day, don’t do anything else and they can’t cope for 10 mins without them and I don’t want that for mine. I know it’s a balance as don’t want her to miss out so hopefully will teach some regulation and have a nice balance once she’s older.

I agree OP, it's sad and excessive use of screens do have an impact on children. God forbid they might have to talk to and entertain their children themselves rather than handing a tablet over.

This is a thread about people on holiday on screens and I've posted about people on holiday on screens. Of course it didn't have an impact on me. My post seems to have had an impact on you though!

People often say 'well, we didn't need screens' or 'what did people do before screens?' But life is different to how it was in the past. Expectations are different.

My great-grandparents didn't entertain their children... they were farmers and their children were either at school or working on the farm at home, from as soon as they could toddle round.

My grandparents didn't entertain their children... they just pushed them out the door and told them not to come back until dinner. That was their equivalent of screens.

Our parents didn't entertain us. They'd talk to us sometimes, yes, but other times we were just told to go away and shouted at if we annoyed them.

Many of the parenting 'techniques' (if you can call them that) that made life easier for parents in the past are no longer acceptable. When you add into that increased work and life pressure, it's unsurprising that a lot of parents entertain their children with screens now and then.

Pedant.

Keep doing what you’re doing. Screen time needs to be limited.