To not want a running buddy?

[LonesomeRanger]

About 6 months ago I joined a running club to learn how to run properly, and get some motivation. I did ask a few friends if they wanted to join me, but they said no.

6 months on, I’m fitter and healthier, and I’ve entered a few events over the next 6 months.

Now one friend has not asked, but said she’ll join me on my runs, and we can be running partners. Except, I don’t need a partner now. I’m 6 months on, and she will pretty much be starting from scratch.

Apparently, she’ll just do what I do and I can share my training plan, that I paid someone to scope out for me.

AIBU to not want a running partner? I think she’ll be upset if I decline.

How to put it across so I don’t fall out with her?

Hell no! Tell her it wouldn’t work because you are training for some solo events, and she needs to start from scratch like you did and get her fitness and endurance levels up or she will end up injured.

Can’t you just say ‘No thanks, I don’t want a running buddy, but if you join a running club I’m sure you’ll find someone at your level to run with.’

"While I was in the club I actually figured out that I run much better on my own, but good luck with your running! This might help [link to couch to 5k]?"

Just ask her what her 5k pb is, then say "I'm afraid that's a bit too slow to fit my current program."

If you are very sure she is less fit than you and you can outrun her, let her come once and leave her in the dust. Then say sorry it doesn’t work.

I appreciate that we are all different but sometimes I like to run an my own and sometimes I like to run with a friend or even in large groups.
If you do want to always run on your own then there will be many good suggestions of how to word it. There are already some and your thread has only just started.

You could say she's very welcome to come along to the club as a beginner, as you did, but that you've discovered you really enjoy running alone, find it mentally relaxing etc.

Also, explain that you can’t slow down until she catches up. That is an unfair expectation.

I don’t always run alone. I run with my club, and also with my DH who is a good runner.

I also like that I knew no one at the club, and made new friends. I don’t think she’ll join the running club TBH.

This is me! I loathe people randomly announcing that they'll run with me. One woman who has done no running at all said "Oh I'll tootle along with you"!

I just say no I'm sorry, I prefer to run alone.

Tell her you like to listen to music / podcast while running and it's your 'me' time.

Just tell her you aren't looking for a running buddy.

Why do you need to explain beyond that?

Do you have an issue with people pleasing in general? (i used to, and regret saying yes to so much stuff i didn't want to do and didn't have time for, for years)

I would organise a slow/wind down 5km run with a friend in your shoes. Say, for instance, after a gym class, weight training session or a Fartlek style run. You'll be more tired and less frustrated by a slower pace while improving your stamina.

Obviously you're under no obligation. I've quite enjoyed watching friends improve on runs with me - but we're all different!

You just say "No thanks - I run best on my own, and I enjoy running alone."

I've used that one a lot. If you are serious about running (PB's, races etc) then plodding along with someone who wants to chat is going to bring your times down.

“Ah, you’re where I was 6 months ago! Taking up running has done wonders for me and I know you’ll love it! I actually prefer to run alone now, why don’t you join a running club? I’m sure there will be lots of people there at the same level as you and also looking for a running partner”

You've sent a mixed message by initially looking for company.

I don't mind running with someone slower. I wouldn't want to do it very frequently, but slower, easy runs mixed in with more focused training are good for aerobic training.
I ran slow when marathon training with another steady 5k each week, and a couple of weeks after, came within 10s of my parkrun pb despite not having focused on harder paces for months.

just tell reason you picked running as struggling to stick to set times so you can just go as and when it fits in

‘Thanks but actually running is a mental break for me to stick my earphones in and not talk, sorry’

Only if that is what op is doing for every run of the week.

My typical running week looks a bit like this: Easy run of up to 10K. (On my own)

Short and fast interval workout or tempo or hill efforts. (On my own)

Recovery run between 6 to 10K the next day. (Sometimes with a running buddy, and we take it very easy)

Long Run up to 2 hours at easy pace. (Usually with my much faster running partner who once asked me whether I'm planning to run a half marathon that week, or doing a long run 🤣)

OP, your progress won't be hampered if she joins you on one slow easy run in the week, if that is what you're worried about.

If you're adamant about running alone however, then there's nothing wrong with saying, "That doesn't work for me".

If your friend is interested in starting running, then invite her to come along to your running club one evening, or even parkrun. I'd hate to put someone off running just because they couldn't find the company.

Sorry - that won't work as I'm training for some specific events right now, and I do most of my running alone. If you joined my running club you'd definitely find someone to run with though!

Optional addition: Would you like to meet up and do X? (assuming you would like to socialise with this person)

I wouldn't do every run with her if your paces are very different but there are ways to make the occasional run together work without sacrificing your training; such as planning that you will run ahead and loop back. Once she's faster you can line up your easy recovery days with her harder efforts.

This.

Thanks but no thanks.

Also you have found it easier to do it in an unscheduled way, when you can grab time.

Telling not asking doesn't work for me at all.

I agree.
Why do some people make such trivial things so heavy weather?
Baffling.

I would absolutely hate this. I love exercising alone, it helps to keep me sane and it would honestly be a nightmare for me if someone wanted to join me. I would just explain that you really need to focus on training for upcoming events but maybe soften the blow by giving her the info of the running club you joined and tell her they would welcome a new member.