To not want a running buddy?

[LonesomeRanger]

About 6 months ago I joined a running club to learn how to run properly, and get some motivation. I did ask a few friends if they wanted to join me, but they said no.

6 months on, I’m fitter and healthier, and I’ve entered a few events over the next 6 months.

Now one friend has not asked, but said she’ll join me on my runs, and we can be running partners. Except, I don’t need a partner now. I’m 6 months on, and she will pretty much be starting from scratch.

Apparently, she’ll just do what I do and I can share my training plan, that I paid someone to scope out for me.

AIBU to not want a running partner? I think she’ll be upset if I decline.

How to put it across so I don’t fall out with her?

In my 40s and 50s, I ran informally, on my own, no club or anything, usually at night. Colleagues etc were always saying, let me know when you are going, I will join you. I would think 'hell no' I loved running on my own, with my walkman, and my running playlist 😂so I never let them know when I was going.

I'd probably say something like "ah that would be nice but tbh I fit my runs in as and when I can with work etc so couldn't really schedule in advance."

Sorry Flossie-jane but it doesn’t work like that. You need proper help to start running. I am happy to bring forms from the club for you to join

job done

No way. Running is me time! I've only ever run with others occasionally such as event training or as a social.

When I have run with others I always end up leaving them behind lol I run on my terms only.

Just say no that now you’ve got into it you prefer running alone. You could maybe do the odd social run with her but nothing regular.

I personally prefer running alone anyway as if I’m having a good day I can run fast and if a bad day I can run slow! So no pressure. I think it’s perfectly normal to just say you prefer running alone :)

Either be very honest

or

say you tend to run when it suits you and don’t always plan each session time in advance, so would be difficult for her to always tag along (as would involve you telling here each time)

either way defs say she’ll need to start from scratch and to let you know once she’s able to run x km and maybe you can do the odd run together then

"great! See you tomorrow at 3am!"

Y
@LonesomeRanger

Just say no to running buddy as it's not how you roll

However, curious to know what you mean by you joined a running club to learn how to run properly ?

chopc

I used to just go for a run. I joined a club and was taught the importance of warming up/ down, how to pace myself. I actually mean, learn good habits rather than learning to run properly.

I'd just say - no thanks i prefer to do my own thing.

She may be better at running than you, she may be worse, no need to make a thing out of it. Just say "no thank you"

My neighbour decided she wanted to start running and asked to come with me.

So I'll basically do my run and then meet her and do an easy 5k with her after.

Could you do that to get her started off.

"Thanks but I've discovered that my running time is my me time but good luck getting started"

Just say you prefer to run on your own, it's really not that hard. It's a perfectly normal thing to say and she shouldn't be offended.

You have to be completely honest and say if she'd started running when you did, it would have been great but now you have moved on to another level and a complete beginner would no longer be a good match for you.

I run a bit and do loads of other fitness stuff including strength training. It is completely normal for some people to prefer to do their own thing, especially with running - I like gym training with other people but like running when it suits me and at my pace/route etc.

So I wouldn't make excuses or explain much, I'd just say I run on my own, sorry. I've sometimes met friends or my dh for coffee at the end of our respective runs, which works well if you are planning in advance a bit.

No you don't have to say any of that.
Unless you plan on getting a different running buddy- and I don't think you do - just say outside of running group you prefer to run solo.

No explanation required. If pushed just say you enjoy using the time to think or listen to music/pod casts.

So I'll basically do my run and then meet her and do an easy 5k with her after.

I don’t really want to do my workout, then do another one. I work, have kids, dogs to walk and millions of chores to do. My workouts are my me time.

I hear ya @LonesomeRanger I walk a lot. Every day, some 3-4 miles. I know several people who have been trying to push themselves onto my walks with me ('Ooooh I'll come with ya, I could do with the exercise...' ) and a couple of people even asking me to take their fucking DOG with me as they CBA to walk him/her!

I don't want a 'walking partner' and don't even like going with DH for my exercise/fitness walks as he dawdles/walks slow. I like to walk at my own pace - usually quite sturdy and quite fast. Any other walking partner is going to maybe walk too slow for me, (or maybe even possibly too fast!) I also may want to stop to take pictures (sunset/squirrels/horses/moon etc...) or may want a pee in the elephant grass or bushes/trees, and being with someone else will be bloody awkward. I love my 'me time' and peace and solitude on my walks in my beautiful rural area...in the sticks.

I have had to say to the 'you can take my dog for a walk' cheeky fucker neighbours 'sorry but there's no guarantee when I'll be going for a walk/what time etc,' and they have said 'oh any time is OK!' So then I say 'well I don't always KNOW if I'm going for a walk that day! Then I have to sneak out - and back in another way so they don't see me!

But yeah sorry OP, I can't think of any nice way to say NO. There is no easy way!

I will never understand why people on MN are so scared of just being honest. Tell her you like running by yourself and, as much as you like her, she's not welcome. If she gets offended by that, that's her issue. If you are going to a public race, invite her to that.

So say "My workouts are my me time."

We don't really know much about this friend who has insisted on joining you though. Is she a complete beginner? Why does she want to go running with you instead of going to parkrun or joining a C25K group, if she knows you're half a year ahead of her?

Charming...

Just tell her! I run, I run with a club and also with friends regularly but sometimes for some reason I want to run alone and I just say that. I’ll ask a friend if I can run with them, if it fits their plan but if a friend asks me and it doesn’t fit with what I want I just say ‘no thanks, I’m going to do my own thing’. No big deal.

i have ran multiple marathons. I run at party pace with mates all the time.

you sound v precious

arrange a slower run as part of your training and enjoy the natter, or just so say ‘no, it’s my me time’

its running. It really isn’t that big deal. If you want to run alone, cool- say that. But all this talk of ‘oh I warm up/down properly’ is just gatekeeping what is a really fun great thing that more people should be doing

I know women who run 20 minute 5ks who would happily run along with a new runner friend without all of the self importance

Yes happy for you to be a running partner. However my routine for tonight will be X miles in Y minutes. I will not be slowing down so you need to keep up or find your own way home.

It might take one session but the requests will cease when drop her after 300 metres.

Stop fannying about and just say "sorry, I want to run alone".

It's not hard.